Just C's Super Realistic Voting Thread (not for the easily offended) post links.

[Just C]

Originally Posted by _AxIoM

http://www.letsbeef.com/battle_detai...n=tb&id=432050
vs macc

@~MaCc-iLL Jordan~ Vs. @_AxIoM


~MaCc-iLL Jordan~

"They Like 'Ax Be Careful! MaCcs A 'BEAST IN ITS PRIME!' I'll 'Put A CREASE IN HIS SPINE' when Im 'RELEASIN DA NINE!' UpperCuts To His Jaw'll 'PUSH HIS TEETH IN HIS MIND!' & Its 'GOTTA BE A CRIME' for 'A Geek to Be SO WEAK AND BENIGN!!'"

Alot of irrelevant multis. Took too long to get to the "PUNCH"
If you can really call It that.


Ax is 'A DE-CIEVER' who's 'Never! CLUTCHED A LEVER!' But Will Beg!- For a 'FRUITY DUTCH FULL OF REEFER' but When i Catch Em Drowsy, You Know 'RESTIN HIS PEEPERS' Ima Put 'The Bang To the Side Of his Face' JUSTIN BEIBER!?"

Don't get it. Not interested in anything beiber related. And stop using quotations when they are not for highlighting a concept.

"He Wouldn't 'Flow Hot' Drenched in Sweat & 'ENGULFED IN FEVERS!' You Know MaCc 'Be In the Hood' Like the Faces 'OF THEM CULTS AND LEADERS!'"

Flow hot/fevers = Super played
Same as in the hood lines nvm the closer was vague as fuck lol naaaaaah.

"The Kind that'll 'Kidnap You Daughter' And Wait Until 'She's An ADULT AN BEATER!!'"

And the scheme continued just to end on this? Naaaaah sorry. Again you had an idea but forced the fuck out of it with vague indications.

"They Got Me 'Up Against a SCRUB!' Damn 'WHERES MY BRILLO AT?' a Couple 'SHOTS AT HIS SILLHOUETE' Will Turn 'Ax Inside Out LIKE A PILLOW PET!'

The fuck is a pillow pet? I'm a grown man w/no kids. Totally lost on me. I assume you turn them inside out? If Sonora kinda weak as a concept.

You Da Bitch! So How Would That Look If You 'ACTUALLY KILLED THE VET?' Psssh 'HERE'S A BET' If You Can 'SURVIVE THIS THRASHIN' and 'PROVIDE LINES THAT MATCH IT' I Might Not Make 'Yo Fame Go Poof WHEN I PROVIDE THE MAGIC!' That'll Have This 'GYRO FAGGET' Blasted 'Up In The Tree!' R.I.Pieces 'IN A PINECONE CASKET!!!'"

WtfNO!?

"Boy Stop 'Lyin Bout Reefer Cheefin!' You Aint 'NEVER SMOKED A BUNDLE WRAP!' the Last Time 'Ax Hit a Tree' He Was 'WORKING WIT A LUMBERJACC!'"

This was your best line by a hundred million miles. You write like you did that last line and you'll be a much improved writer with plenty more room for improvement.

Overall 5:


_AxIoM:

"your shit STINKS? watch me AIR IT OUT like DUCK SYSTEMS, you a king? ahaha it ain't your fault, that. thay STARE N DOUBT believe but, you a bitch so TOUGHEN UP. have DUST DRIFTED, to see yer loss like DULL CRYSTALS, "You feel that sting, big boy, huh? That's pride FUCKIN' with you?".....PULP FICTION!"

Your weird structure is throwing me. I'm assume this is where the punch line is? I get the punch and PF reference and it's a decent little hit if a little old and held up by line after line of endless filler/semi hitting punches? O.0?

"gay ass nigga, how you TOUCH PRISON, n exclaim, plus say, you FUCK WOMEN? that's ONE RIDDLE< from a PUNK NIGGA, grab the GUN/PISTOL. what it do? im busting guns. (no he fucking DIDN'T), to hit yer tummy? now it FUCKING TICKLES! fucking punk bitch? wonder why we never TRUNK'D HIM? he cool ONE MINUTE, then turns into a MRS n get hated on bout WHTS WRITTEN,

WHAT?

It's all over the place! Very vague and sporadic and the end result wasn't worth the wait. You need to think about your punches before you type them. Not type then see where it takes you and hope for the best.

so ill fuck this bitch? bill clinton, me? im 1 in a MILLION, that's JUST RISEN, n have money on yer head, PLUS INTEREST! no love given. but JUST LISTEN. ill fuck your 16 like HOT CHILDREN!

I get the concept but it's a very old angle and the use of the word children doesn't sit well with me for some reason. And I dint just mean the vagueness of it. Your multi's are really broken too. Make sure your lateens match, no round pegs in square holes.

im NOT KIDDIN, fuck your flow, i RAP'D IT/RAPID like STRONG RIVERS, you'll never run a KINGDOM, surrounded by flow like BRITAIN, get knocked out, CHUCK LIDDELL, ufc? my PUNCHES THICKEN! to shit on this nigga, no PARTICULAR SUBSYSTEM, hotness, melts em, like CHOCOLATE BARS IN A HOT KITCHEN, so if you picture a win, its SUCH VIVID, ENORMOUS ODDS, ahaha FUCK THIS NIGGA. Ghad Go Hard All Day Tweet 0

What did "SUCH VIVID, ENORMOUS" rhyme with?

Overall 3:

Not a good battle. Both need major work, 1 MAJOR work.

Winner/~MaCc-iLL Jordan~

................

---------- Post added at 06:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:54 PM ----------

Originally Posted by TalkSick

It wasnt really ment to be a serious battle, me and V were just havin some fun last night lol (take that how u want too lol) but appreciate the feed. Thanks amigo.

Nah I got it. It was JOB.

It's just V made me laugh a little harder while having a cleaner verse. You still need to be on point w/your shit. She was just more on point on the day. And no matter joke or not. You should still and want too word your bars properly. That's part of the fun in writing.

[Just C]

Originally Posted by _AxIoM

http://www.letsbeef.com/battle_detai...n=tb&id=432050
vs macc

@~MaCc-iLL Jordan~ Vs. @_AxIoM


~MaCc-iLL Jordan~

"They Like 'Ax Be Careful! MaCcs A 'BEAST IN ITS PRIME!' I'll 'Put A CREASE IN HIS SPINE' when Im 'RELEASIN DA NINE!' UpperCuts To His Jaw'll 'PUSH HIS TEETH IN HIS MIND!' & Its 'GOTTA BE A CRIME' for 'A Geek to Be SO WEAK AND BENIGN!!'"

Alot of irrelevant multis. Took too long to get to the "PUNCH"
If you can really call It that.


Ax is 'A DE-CIEVER' who's 'Never! CLUTCHED A LEVER!' But Will Beg!- For a 'FRUITY DUTCH FULL OF REEFER' but When i Catch Em Drowsy, You Know 'RESTIN HIS PEEPERS' Ima Put 'The Bang To the Side Of his Face' JUSTIN BEIBER!?"

Don't get it. Not interested in anything beiber related. And stop using quotations when they are not for highlighting a concept.

"He Wouldn't 'Flow Hot' Drenched in Sweat & 'ENGULFED IN FEVERS!' You Know MaCc 'Be In the Hood' Like the Faces 'OF THEM CULTS AND LEADERS!'"

Flow hot/fevers = Super played
Same as in the hood lines nvm the closer was vague as fuck lol naaaaaah.

"The Kind that'll 'Kidnap You Daughter' And Wait Until 'She's An ADULT AN BEATER!!'"

And the scheme continued just to end on this? Naaaaah sorry. Again you had an idea but forced the fuck out of it with vague indications.

"They Got Me 'Up Against a SCRUB!' Damn 'WHERES MY BRILLO AT?' a Couple 'SHOTS AT HIS SILLHOUETE' Will Turn 'Ax Inside Out LIKE A PILLOW PET!'

The fuck is a pillow pet? I'm a grown man w/no kids. Totally lost on me. I assume you turn them inside out? If Sonora kinda weak as a concept.

You Da Bitch! So How Would That Look If You 'ACTUALLY KILLED THE VET?' Psssh 'HERE'S A BET' If You Can 'SURVIVE THIS THRASHIN' and 'PROVIDE LINES THAT MATCH IT' I Might Not Make 'Yo Fame Go Poof WHEN I PROVIDE THE MAGIC!' That'll Have This 'GYRO FAGGET' Blasted 'Up In The Tree!' R.I.Pieces 'IN A PINECONE CASKET!!!'"

WtfNO!?

"Boy Stop 'Lyin Bout Reefer Cheefin!' You Aint 'NEVER SMOKED A BUNDLE WRAP!' the Last Time 'Ax Hit a Tree' He Was 'WORKING WIT A LUMBERJACC!'"

This was your best line by a hundred million miles. You write like you did that last line and you'll be a much improved writer with plenty more room for improvement.

Overall 5:


_AxIoM:

"your shit STINKS? watch me AIR IT OUT like DUCK SYSTEMS, you a king? ahaha it ain't your fault, that. thay STARE N DOUBT believe but, you a bitch so TOUGHEN UP. have DUST DRIFTED, to see yer loss like DULL CRYSTALS, "You feel that sting, big boy, huh? That's pride FUCKIN' with you?".....PULP FICTION!"

Your weird structure is throwing me. I'm assume this is where the punch line is? I get the punch and PF reference and it's a decent little hit if a little old and held up by line after line of endless filler/semi hitting punches? O.0?

"gay ass nigga, how you TOUCH PRISON, n exclaim, plus say, you FUCK WOMEN? that's ONE RIDDLE< from a PUNK NIGGA, grab the GUN/PISTOL. what it do? im busting guns. (no he fucking DIDN'T), to hit yer tummy? now it FUCKING TICKLES! fucking punk bitch? wonder why we never TRUNK'D HIM? he cool ONE MINUTE, then turns into a MRS n get hated on bout WHTS WRITTEN,

WHAT?

It's all over the place! Very vague and sporadic and the end result wasn't worth the wait. You need to think about your punches before you type them. Not type then see where it takes you and hope for the best.

so ill fuck this bitch? bill clinton, me? im 1 in a MILLION, that's JUST RISEN, n have money on yer head, PLUS INTEREST! no love given. but JUST LISTEN. ill fuck your 16 like HOT CHILDREN!

I get the concept but it's a very old angle and the use of the word children doesn't sit well with me for some reason. And I dint just mean the vagueness of it. Your multi's are really broken too. Make sure your lateens match, no round pegs in square holes.

im NOT KIDDIN, fuck your flow, i RAP'D IT/RAPID like STRONG RIVERS, you'll never run a KINGDOM, surrounded by flow like BRITAIN, get knocked out, CHUCK LIDDELL, ufc? my PUNCHES THICKEN! to shit on this nigga, no PARTICULAR SUBSYSTEM, hotness, melts em, like CHOCOLATE BARS IN A HOT KITCHEN, so if you picture a win, its SUCH VIVID, ENORMOUS ODDS, ahaha FUCK THIS NIGGA. Ghad Go Hard All Day Tweet 0

What did "SUCH VIVID, ENORMOUS" rhyme with?

Overall 3:

Not a good battle. Both need major work, 1 MAJOR work.

Winner/~MaCc-iLL Jordan~

................

---------- Post added at 06:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:54 PM ----------

Originally Posted by TalkSick

It wasnt really ment to be a serious battle, me and V were just havin some fun last night lol (take that how u want too lol) but appreciate the feed. Thanks amigo.

Nah I got it. It was JOB.

It's just V made me laugh a little harder while having a cleaner verse. You still need to be on point w/your shit. She was just more on point on the day. And no matter joke or not. You should still and want too word your bars properly. That's part of the fun in writing.