Subreal: I liked all of the imagery, and the story-telling aspect was pretty on point. Something I didn't like, though, would be how all of the rhymes were systemic in the sense that every single line had the rhyme at the very end, making the verse somewhat repetitive when reviewing the entire piece. I also think that you could have came a bit more complex rather than the one to two syllable rhyme schemes you used within the entire piece, if you had used the type of rhyming complexity wise like in the first paragraph you would have gotten a much higher score in my book. Other than those glitches, you had a very solid piece.
Bleu: Usually I have somewhat of a distaste for these types of verses, as the concept can be abstracted from just about any image making the verses usually seem a tad basic compared to the story-telling aspects another derives from it. With that in mind, I personally believe that your rhyme-ability and flow structuring made the message within the verse quite impactful. This type of rhyming within the conceptual structure of a topical is what really thrives and makes the verse seem more eventful.
Though I enjoyed both quite a bit, I'll have to choose a winner.
MVGT: Bleu
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