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07-26-2010, 02:37 PM
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Critique The Verse ...
The whole verse, every line ... I'm lookin for flaws
C'mon Eric ......... It's Spooky, HENCE THE 'WEIRDO TYPE' ... the backstabbin bad guy WHEN YA HEROES DIE!! (Hear Ohs) ... & I'm "Infamous"-Too cuz ya ex|MEMBA HERE GHOSTWRITES!! (He's Infamous ES) I wrote Shit-Fa-This-Dude ... the p|M WAS CLEAR, NO LIE!! Everybody HEED THIS: I've been gettin E-GIPPED/egypt cuz you AIN'T DAMN PHARAOHS!! (Fair Ohs) ... This faggot CHEATED now he in some 'DEEP SHIT' like it's too late to go "STRAIGHT AND NARROW" (phrase) ... cuz I'm HEATED so you about to get 'BEAT BITCH' like pimps-do-hoes-who under|PAY THEM THEIR DOUGH!! (short w/ $) FUCK SOLO, without ME IT'S just a WEAK CLIQUE with simple-flows-too ... plus more FAKE THAN FAIR VOTES!! My rhymes is 'out of this world', I'm CRAFTY WITH YOU SNAKES and SOLO DEVILS ... He wanna "BLAST ME INTO SPACE" cuz I'm above OZONE LEVEL//Ohs own level ......... EZ
Rate it too ...
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07-26-2010, 02:37 PM
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#1
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Critique The Verse ...
The whole verse, every line ... I'm lookin for flaws
C'mon Eric ......... It's Spooky, HENCE THE 'WEIRDO TYPE' ... the backstabbin bad guy WHEN YA HEROES DIE!! (Hear Ohs) ... & I'm "Infamous"-Too cuz ya ex|MEMBA HERE GHOSTWRITES!! (He's Infamous ES) I wrote Shit-Fa-This-Dude ... the p|M WAS CLEAR, NO LIE!! Everybody HEED THIS: I've been gettin E-GIPPED/egypt cuz you AIN'T DAMN PHARAOHS!! (Fair Ohs) ... This faggot CHEATED now he in some 'DEEP SHIT' like it's too late to go "STRAIGHT AND NARROW" (phrase) ... cuz I'm HEATED so you about to get 'BEAT BITCH' like pimps-do-hoes-who under|PAY THEM THEIR DOUGH!! (short w/ $) FUCK SOLO, without ME IT'S just a WEAK CLIQUE with simple-flows-too ... plus more FAKE THAN FAIR VOTES!! My rhymes is 'out of this world', I'm CRAFTY WITH YOU SNAKES and SOLO DEVILS ... He wanna "BLAST ME INTO SPACE" cuz I'm above OZONE LEVEL//Ohs own level ......... EZ
Rate it too ...
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07-26-2010, 02:44 PM
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10/10 Flawless victory.
tbh only critque i'd have is to make the wordplay a lil more relevant, and ease up a touch on the nameplay assault.
Honestly i'd give the verse a high 8/ low 9.
Spooky > Ohs.
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07-26-2010, 02:44 PM
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#2
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10/10 Flawless victory.
tbh only critque i'd have is to make the wordplay a lil more relevant, and ease up a touch on the nameplay assault.
Honestly i'd give the verse a high 8/ low 9.
Spooky > Ohs.
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07-26-2010, 02:49 PM
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Explain makin the wordplay more relevant ...
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07-26-2010, 02:49 PM
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#3
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Explain makin the wordplay more relevant ...
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07-26-2010, 02:54 PM
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C'mon Eric ......... It's Spooky, HENCE THE 'WEIRDO TYPE' ... the backstabbin bad guy WHEN YA HEROES DIE!!
if written using the wordplay...
C'mon Eric ......... It's Spooky, HENCE THE 'WEIRDO TYPE' ... the backstabbin bad guy WHEN YA HEAR OHS DIE!!
grammatically it doesnt make sense. Well, not as much as it could of.
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07-26-2010, 02:54 PM
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#4
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C'mon Eric ......... It's Spooky, HENCE THE 'WEIRDO TYPE' ... the backstabbin bad guy WHEN YA HEROES DIE!!
if written using the wordplay...
C'mon Eric ......... It's Spooky, HENCE THE 'WEIRDO TYPE' ... the backstabbin bad guy WHEN YA HEAR OHS DIE!!
grammatically it doesnt make sense. Well, not as much as it could of.
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07-26-2010, 03:15 PM
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Right?
Okay ... it seems like you're sayin if I'm writin rhymes use the actual person, place, or thing and put the wordplay in the parenthesis behind the backslash, etc.
Ex.
HEAR OHS DIE!! (HEROES) ... or HEAR OHS DIE/heroes
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07-26-2010, 03:15 PM
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#5
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Right?
Okay ... it seems like you're sayin if I'm writin rhymes use the actual person, place, or thing and put the wordplay in the parenthesis behind the backslash, etc.
Ex.
HEAR OHS DIE!! (HEROES) ... or HEAR OHS DIE/heroes
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07-26-2010, 03:19 PM
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what i meant was that this as a stand alone sentence:
It's Spooky, HENCE THE 'WEIRDO TYPE' ... the backstabbin bad guy WHEN YA HEAR OHS DIE!!
Makes sense only with a bit of leeway.
Personally when i use wordplay i use it in a deception type way. So i'd of done something like...
And WHEN YA HEROES DIE? it wont be MARVEL CHARACTERS!!! (Hear Ohs Die)
Theres a lotta way to do it, thats my usual preference.
If you do it the other way and have the actual wordplay as the punchline then it needs to make sense both ways the wordplay is done.
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07-26-2010, 03:19 PM
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#6
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what i meant was that this as a stand alone sentence:
It's Spooky, HENCE THE 'WEIRDO TYPE' ... the backstabbin bad guy WHEN YA HEAR OHS DIE!!
Makes sense only with a bit of leeway.
Personally when i use wordplay i use it in a deception type way. So i'd of done something like...
And WHEN YA HEROES DIE? it wont be MARVEL CHARACTERS!!! (Hear Ohs Die)
Theres a lotta way to do it, thats my usual preference.
If you do it the other way and have the actual wordplay as the punchline then it needs to make sense both ways the wordplay is done.
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07-26-2010, 03:19 PM
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Thats the way Text Goes!
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07-26-2010, 03:19 PM
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#7
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Thats the way Text Goes!
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07-26-2010, 03:20 PM
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The wordplay doesnt have to be explained in the textbox although some do it.
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07-26-2010, 03:20 PM
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#8
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The wordplay doesnt have to be explained in the textbox although some do it.
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07-26-2010, 03:28 PM
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He's sayin ur punch wuz missing a punch!
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The past is a memory, a lesson HISTORY / you learn you move on, and pain? it aint SHIT TO ME / it makes me stronger in lifes Mortal Kombats Flawless VICTORY / if you aint HIP TO ME? / i been thru hell and back, mah feet and hands BLISTERING /
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07-26-2010, 03:28 PM
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#9
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He's sayin ur punch wuz missing a punch!
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Put em in the fuckin bathroom!! -Sonny-
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Quote:
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Give them nothing but take from them EVERYTHING!!! -Leonidas-
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Quote:
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The past is a memory, a lesson HISTORY / you learn you move on, and pain? it aint SHIT TO ME / it makes me stronger in lifes Mortal Kombats Flawless VICTORY / if you aint HIP TO ME? / i been thru hell and back, mah feet and hands BLISTERING /
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07-26-2010, 03:30 PM
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C'mon Eric ......... It's Spooky, HENCE THE 'WEIRDO TYPE' ... the backstabbin bad guy WHEN YA HEROES DIE!! (Hear Ohs) ... & I'm "Infamous"-Too cuz ya ex|MEMBA HERE GHOSTWRITES!! (He's Infamous ES) I wrote Shit-Fa-This-Dude ... the p|M WAS CLEAR, NO LIE!!
Wordplay didn't workout here...could have taking a different approach with the punchline...Not sure about how true the personal is so cant comment...
Everybody HEED THIS: I've been gettin E-GIPPED/egypt cuz you AIN'T DAMN PHARAOHS!! (Fair Ohs) ... This faggot CHEATED now he in some 'DEEP SHIT' like it's too late to go "STRAIGHT AND NARROW" (phrase) ... cuz I'm HEATED so you about to get 'BEAT BITCH' like pimps-do-hoes-who under|PAY THEM THEIR DOUGH!! (short w/ $)
Maybe its my accent or where im from but i never heard the word gipped, nor does it appear to sound like egypt with the e-...rest was pretty basic...
FUCK SOLO, without ME IT'S just a WEAK CLIQUE with simple-flows-too ... plus more FAKE THAN FAIR VOTES!! My rhymes is 'out of this world', I'm CRAFTY WITH YOU SNAKES and SOLO DEVILS ... He wanna "BLAST ME INTO SPACE" cuz I'm above OZONE LEVEL//Ohs own level ......... EZ
Closer was decent but i've seen plays on the Ozone concept so loses originality there...
Overall it was ok, 7... 
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mokane
I should be on the TOP 25 you idiots...what are u guys smoking and drinking...WTF...I got descent rhymes...the only thing i've gotten is a hate vote...and i'm still on Basic...it's what makes me the greatest bros.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave
Bebo Letsbeef 2007 Most Improved
Letsbeef 2013 #1 All Time
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07-26-2010, 03:30 PM
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#10
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C'mon Eric ......... It's Spooky, HENCE THE 'WEIRDO TYPE' ... the backstabbin bad guy WHEN YA HEROES DIE!! (Hear Ohs) ... & I'm "Infamous"-Too cuz ya ex|MEMBA HERE GHOSTWRITES!! (He's Infamous ES) I wrote Shit-Fa-This-Dude ... the p|M WAS CLEAR, NO LIE!!
Wordplay didn't workout here...could have taking a different approach with the punchline...Not sure about how true the personal is so cant comment...
Everybody HEED THIS: I've been gettin E-GIPPED/egypt cuz you AIN'T DAMN PHARAOHS!! (Fair Ohs) ... This faggot CHEATED now he in some 'DEEP SHIT' like it's too late to go "STRAIGHT AND NARROW" (phrase) ... cuz I'm HEATED so you about to get 'BEAT BITCH' like pimps-do-hoes-who under|PAY THEM THEIR DOUGH!! (short w/ $)
Maybe its my accent or where im from but i never heard the word gipped, nor does it appear to sound like egypt with the e-...rest was pretty basic...
FUCK SOLO, without ME IT'S just a WEAK CLIQUE with simple-flows-too ... plus more FAKE THAN FAIR VOTES!! My rhymes is 'out of this world', I'm CRAFTY WITH YOU SNAKES and SOLO DEVILS ... He wanna "BLAST ME INTO SPACE" cuz I'm above OZONE LEVEL//Ohs own level ......... EZ
Closer was decent but i've seen plays on the Ozone concept so loses originality there...
Overall it was ok, 7...
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mokane
I should be on the TOP 25 you idiots...what are u guys smoking and drinking...WTF...I got descent rhymes...the only thing i've gotten is a hate vote...and i'm still on Basic...it's what makes me the greatest bros.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave
Bebo Letsbeef 2007 Most Improved
Letsbeef 2013 #1 All Time
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