XplicitKontent Vs The doom - (XplicitKontent Wins 5-2)

[Streetz De Hood]

@XplicitKontent: When I first saw the topic i was like lemme guess a war and hospital story..and you guys did just that lol but with that said this is not bad, you took a common war story but gave it flair by adding the dynamic of this perceived larger than life soldier. That element of peer's perception vs reality made it much more than a war story, and much more than death. Which I thought was a brilliant spin on "The Last Breath". Many times people criticize "played concepts". There's nothing wrong with trying to reinvent what someone has done before as long as you make it your own. and that's what you did. Another thing I like is that this sounded like a page out of a novel rather than a poem.. that really pulled me in. With that said... i do feel as though your vocab could've been better and there was 2 lines where u randomly abandoned rhyming..and it kind of threw me off. Also your 1st 3 lines had a tough flow to it bc of all the numbers.. that's something maybe you'd want to change in the future...

@The doom: This was a very cool read.. cancer stories are so common that its hard to excite the reader with it or to get that emotional attachment to ther character.. but u did that. I like how you added timestamps.. that really helped put this ordeal in perspective.. cancer is a taunting thing that we often deal with for months n months.. but u chose to focus on the intensity and emotions of a 25hr span which was brilliant.. u were very descriptive.. the different religious figures gave this a unique spin.. u made it buddism vs christianity.. God vs satan.. death vs life.. anger vs acceptance.. vision vs reality.. that was very dope.. i actually read that part twice... overall this was pretty cool.. my major prob was the structure and sometimes your rhyming was off which made it mildy awkward in certain places..

Both of you are talented topical writers... there's room for alot of grow though.. i'd say up the creativity beyond the twists.... and you two could probably end up being some of the best on this site

Both of you used concepts that arent even the least bit original but you made it your own..so i based my voting decision on things like depth, description, flow, structure, among, creativity, overall enjoyment..

Vote: The doom

I'd love to battle both of ya'll later on in the month...

[Streetz De Hood]

@XplicitKontent: When I first saw the topic i was like lemme guess a war and hospital story..and you guys did just that lol but with that said this is not bad, you took a common war story but gave it flair by adding the dynamic of this perceived larger than life soldier. That element of peer's perception vs reality made it much more than a war story, and much more than death. Which I thought was a brilliant spin on "The Last Breath". Many times people criticize "played concepts". There's nothing wrong with trying to reinvent what someone has done before as long as you make it your own. and that's what you did. Another thing I like is that this sounded like a page out of a novel rather than a poem.. that really pulled me in. With that said... i do feel as though your vocab could've been better and there was 2 lines where u randomly abandoned rhyming..and it kind of threw me off. Also your 1st 3 lines had a tough flow to it bc of all the numbers.. that's something maybe you'd want to change in the future...

@The doom: This was a very cool read.. cancer stories are so common that its hard to excite the reader with it or to get that emotional attachment to ther character.. but u did that. I like how you added timestamps.. that really helped put this ordeal in perspective.. cancer is a taunting thing that we often deal with for months n months.. but u chose to focus on the intensity and emotions of a 25hr span which was brilliant.. u were very descriptive.. the different religious figures gave this a unique spin.. u made it buddism vs christianity.. God vs satan.. death vs life.. anger vs acceptance.. vision vs reality.. that was very dope.. i actually read that part twice... overall this was pretty cool.. my major prob was the structure and sometimes your rhyming was off which made it mildy awkward in certain places..

Both of you are talented topical writers... there's room for alot of grow though.. i'd say up the creativity beyond the twists.... and you two could probably end up being some of the best on this site

Both of you used concepts that arent even the least bit original but you made it your own..so i based my voting decision on things like depth, description, flow, structure, among, creativity, overall enjoyment..

Vote: The doom

I'd love to battle both of ya'll later on in the month...