Anybody wanna train?

[Shodan]

@Skizzo

I abducted his girl so I could rape her, then had to SILENCE THE BASTARD’S REQUESTS so when I finished with the Gorilla Glue and BINDED HER ASS TO THE BED? “If I heard noise I didn’t want to I adjusted the tape” like “reWINDING A PLASTIC CASSETTE!!” // He could puff himself up to scare me, but that ain’t LIKELY TO HAVE AN EFFECT, “even with inflation I won’t shrink” like the “SIZE OF THE NATIONAL DEBT!!!” // You’ll get laid flat when I press metal like IRONING PANTS OR A DRESS, step past me while I’m holding guns? Then you can “Die while Crossing this Range” like “RIDING WITH HANNIBAL’S BEST!!” // He left a squad-mate to die when ISIS HAD CHALLENGED HIS SET, think Egyptian myth: “he wouldn’t bring a chopped-up brother back to life” unless it’s “ISIS WHEN CHALLENGING SET!!! Dude thinks he’s such a genius he won’t have to TRY IN A BATTLE… EXCEPT, I told him “putting in work ain’t rocket science", he was like… “Shit, I’m boutta get FIRED FROM NASA AGAIN!!!” Riep’s too poor to take a loan, every month he apPLIES FOR THE MAXIMUM CHECK, but we see “red-lines after every period”: Microsoft Word if you WRITE A GRAMMATICAL MESS!! He can’t even afford a lightbulb, he “Searches shelters for a match” like tryna FIND A COMPATIBLE PET!!

This is from the finals of Text Scheme Championship #8: https://www.letsbeef.com/tournament_...408&section=tb

[Shodan]

@Skizzo

I abducted his girl so I could rape her, then had to SILENCE THE BASTARD’S REQUESTS so when I finished with the Gorilla Glue and BINDED HER ASS TO THE BED? “If I heard noise I didn’t want to I adjusted the tape” like “reWINDING A PLASTIC CASSETTE!!” // He could puff himself up to scare me, but that ain’t LIKELY TO HAVE AN EFFECT, “even with inflation I won’t shrink” like the “SIZE OF THE NATIONAL DEBT!!!” // You’ll get laid flat when I press metal like IRONING PANTS OR A DRESS, step past me while I’m holding guns? Then you can “Die while Crossing this Range” like “RIDING WITH HANNIBAL’S BEST!!” // He left a squad-mate to die when ISIS HAD CHALLENGED HIS SET, think Egyptian myth: “he wouldn’t bring a chopped-up brother back to life” unless it’s “ISIS WHEN CHALLENGING SET!!! Dude thinks he’s such a genius he won’t have to TRY IN A BATTLE… EXCEPT, I told him “putting in work ain’t rocket science", he was like… “Shit, I’m boutta get FIRED FROM NASA AGAIN!!!” Riep’s too poor to take a loan, every month he apPLIES FOR THE MAXIMUM CHECK, but we see “red-lines after every period”: Microsoft Word if you WRITE A GRAMMATICAL MESS!! He can’t even afford a lightbulb, he “Searches shelters for a match” like tryna FIND A COMPATIBLE PET!!

This is from the finals of Text Scheme Championship #8: https://www.letsbeef.com/tournament_...408&section=tb

[Skizzo]

@g u t s

I found my two tutorials that may help you a lot. Its my wordplay and punchlines one. They'll help you a lot with those setups and how to build and form different types of concepts and make them all work together fam. I suggest reading the wordplay one first and then the punchlines one.


Wordplay:
https://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=142371

Punchlines:
https://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=142323

---------- Post added at 01:23 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:45 AM ----------

@Shodan


I abducted his girl so I could rape her, then had to SILENCE THE BASTARD’S REQUESTS so when I finished with the Gorilla Glue and BINDED HER ASS TO THE BED? “If I heard noise I didn’t want to I adjusted the tape” like “reWINDING A PLASTIC CASSETTE!!” // He could puff himself up to scare me, but that ain’t LIKELY TO HAVE AN EFFECT, “even with inflation I won’t shrink” like the “SIZE OF THE NATIONAL DEBT!!!” // You’ll get laid flat when I press metal like IRONING PANTS OR A DRESS, step past me while I’m holding guns? Then you can “Die while Crossing this Range” like “RIDING WITH HANNIBAL’S BEST!!” // He left a squad-mate to die when ISIS HAD CHALLENGED HIS SET, think Egyptian myth: “he wouldn’t bring a chopped-up brother back to life” unless it’s “ISIS WHEN CHALLENGING SET!!! Dude thinks he’s such a genius he won’t have to TRY IN A BATTLE… EXCEPT, I told him “putting in work ain’t rocket science", he was like… “Shit, I’m boutta get FIRED FROM NASA AGAIN!!!” Riep’s too poor to take a loan, every month he apPLIES FOR THE MAXIMUM CHECK, but we see “red-lines after every period”: Microsoft Word if you WRITE A GRAMMATICAL MESS!! He can’t even afford a lightbulb, he “Searches shelters for a match” like tryna FIND A COMPATIBLE PET!!


^ This had some really great lines scattered throughout, but the problem I see that you're having is in using fillers in your multi's. Take these lines for instance:

"..I abducted his girl so I could rape her, then had to SILENCE THE BASTARD’S REQUESTS so when I finished with the Gorilla Glue and BINDED HER ASS TO THE BED?.."

^ Literally, all of that is just filler. The abducted part is good to set the scene, but you carry out that introduction to the scene too long without adding anything to the concept of what you're going with. The binded her ass to the bed is yeah, ok? but you arent hitting in that, just setting the scene, which you already did with the first line. The "glue" setup doesnt apply to the "binded" part of the concept, so really it doesnt connect at all.

"..“If I heard noise I didn’t want to I adjusted the tape” like “reWINDING A PLASTIC CASSETTE!!”.."

^ See, here, you could have used the "Binded" part of the multi, to tie in with the Tape & Plastic Cassette's, by maybe using another type of bind wordplay to setup the binded multi. For example, you could have used a "show her the ropes" idiom? Then that would have tied in the concept a lot better (no pun intended).

There was a lot of instances like this where you wasted a good multi by not setting up with the proper wordplay that could have made every single line hard hitting and connected them together with different types of concepts. "He could puff himself up to scare me, but that ain’t LIKELY TO HAVE AN EFFECT." <-- This is another example. puff himself up to scare me was just a weak wordplay setup that did nothing to strengthen your oncoming hit with that multi. My suggestion for your growth, would be to go back, and look at the way youre setting up your finishing lines, and then do your setups exactly like that. For example:


I told him “putting in work ain’t rocket science", he was like… “Shit, I’m boutta get FIRED FROM NASA AGAIN!!!”

he “Searches shelters for a match” like tryna FIND A COMPATIBLE PET!!

You’ll get laid flat when I press metal like IRONING PANTS OR A DRESS,


^ Notice in these lines, all you're using is the formula "Wordplay, Like, Punchline Reference./" <-- But thats all you need to do. If you're setting up a personal, or a scene, then using the first line to set that intro is fine if there's a storyline to follow, but then right after that? Cut out all that filler and useless words and concepts, and just stick to that formula over and over and over again bro. The same way you're making those lines just like that, now go back and make EVERY line like that. Thats my suggestion homie.

[Skizzo]

@g u t s

I found my two tutorials that may help you a lot. Its my wordplay and punchlines one. They'll help you a lot with those setups and how to build and form different types of concepts and make them all work together fam. I suggest reading the wordplay one first and then the punchlines one.


Wordplay:
https://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=142371

Punchlines:
https://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=142323

---------- Post added at 01:23 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:45 AM ----------

@Shodan


I abducted his girl so I could rape her, then had to SILENCE THE BASTARD’S REQUESTS so when I finished with the Gorilla Glue and BINDED HER ASS TO THE BED? “If I heard noise I didn’t want to I adjusted the tape” like “reWINDING A PLASTIC CASSETTE!!” // He could puff himself up to scare me, but that ain’t LIKELY TO HAVE AN EFFECT, “even with inflation I won’t shrink” like the “SIZE OF THE NATIONAL DEBT!!!” // You’ll get laid flat when I press metal like IRONING PANTS OR A DRESS, step past me while I’m holding guns? Then you can “Die while Crossing this Range” like “RIDING WITH HANNIBAL’S BEST!!” // He left a squad-mate to die when ISIS HAD CHALLENGED HIS SET, think Egyptian myth: “he wouldn’t bring a chopped-up brother back to life” unless it’s “ISIS WHEN CHALLENGING SET!!! Dude thinks he’s such a genius he won’t have to TRY IN A BATTLE… EXCEPT, I told him “putting in work ain’t rocket science", he was like… “Shit, I’m boutta get FIRED FROM NASA AGAIN!!!” Riep’s too poor to take a loan, every month he apPLIES FOR THE MAXIMUM CHECK, but we see “red-lines after every period”: Microsoft Word if you WRITE A GRAMMATICAL MESS!! He can’t even afford a lightbulb, he “Searches shelters for a match” like tryna FIND A COMPATIBLE PET!!


^ This had some really great lines scattered throughout, but the problem I see that you're having is in using fillers in your multi's. Take these lines for instance:

"..I abducted his girl so I could rape her, then had to SILENCE THE BASTARD’S REQUESTS so when I finished with the Gorilla Glue and BINDED HER ASS TO THE BED?.."

^ Literally, all of that is just filler. The abducted part is good to set the scene, but you carry out that introduction to the scene too long without adding anything to the concept of what you're going with. The binded her ass to the bed is yeah, ok? but you arent hitting in that, just setting the scene, which you already did with the first line. The "glue" setup doesnt apply to the "binded" part of the concept, so really it doesnt connect at all.

"..“If I heard noise I didn’t want to I adjusted the tape” like “reWINDING A PLASTIC CASSETTE!!”.."

^ See, here, you could have used the "Binded" part of the multi, to tie in with the Tape & Plastic Cassette's, by maybe using another type of bind wordplay to setup the binded multi. For example, you could have used a "show her the ropes" idiom? Then that would have tied in the concept a lot better (no pun intended).

There was a lot of instances like this where you wasted a good multi by not setting up with the proper wordplay that could have made every single line hard hitting and connected them together with different types of concepts. "He could puff himself up to scare me, but that ain’t LIKELY TO HAVE AN EFFECT." <-- This is another example. puff himself up to scare me was just a weak wordplay setup that did nothing to strengthen your oncoming hit with that multi. My suggestion for your growth, would be to go back, and look at the way youre setting up your finishing lines, and then do your setups exactly like that. For example:


I told him “putting in work ain’t rocket science", he was like… “Shit, I’m boutta get FIRED FROM NASA AGAIN!!!”

he “Searches shelters for a match” like tryna FIND A COMPATIBLE PET!!

You’ll get laid flat when I press metal like IRONING PANTS OR A DRESS,


^ Notice in these lines, all you're using is the formula "Wordplay, Like, Punchline Reference./" <-- But thats all you need to do. If you're setting up a personal, or a scene, then using the first line to set that intro is fine if there's a storyline to follow, but then right after that? Cut out all that filler and useless words and concepts, and just stick to that formula over and over and over again bro. The same way you're making those lines just like that, now go back and make EVERY line like that. Thats my suggestion homie.

[Student]

Originally Posted by Skizzo

Show me what you mean and i'll help you out brother

https://www.letsbeef.com/battle_deta...n=tb&id=510923 vs. BURDENS

[Student]

Originally Posted by Skizzo

Show me what you mean and i'll help you out brother

https://www.letsbeef.com/battle_deta...n=tb&id=510923 vs. BURDENS

[Skizzo]

I gotchu later on tonight @Student

[Skizzo]

I gotchu later on tonight @Student

[Skizzo]

Folks think I'm BURDEN'D w/ MISUSE but LBT gave me a shot, that I won't CERTAINLY REFUSE to start dis off his WORDINGS AN "ISSUE" clear 2 me his content reads like Ol' Newspaper Obituary's (cept' no-one would miss you!) that's a story any "JOURNALIST" CAN reFUTE!!


Ok.
To start this off, you have a few things that you could work on here. The first, being that the multi "BURDEN'D WITH MISUSE" is nonsensical. You're not fully clarifying on the misuse of what, who or when, so this came off as forced and filler and didnt do you any favors to help strengthen the concept you were going for. The second thing, is that you didnt match the 5 syllable multi you were going with, and instead, used the JOURNALIST CAN REFUTE, which is a 6 syllable one, so that threw off the flow pretty badly at the end. And the last thing is that you have problem with your arrangement and setup of the finishing concept to execute the topic with a hard hitting finishing line to close it out with. The way you have your lines arranged, makes it seem like its incomplete or a run on sentence at the end. What I did love about your techniques and style though, is how you managed to correlate your setup concepts with your entire bar. content reads / journalist / obituary / issues. The way you kept the theme relevant the entire bar was extremely well done. But Let me show you something.

By simply replacing the filler from the nonsensical multi with another proper hard hitting line and multi, and arranging your lines in a way that it makes complete proper sentences... look how much of a difference it makes:


LBT gave me a shot that I won't CERTAINLY REFUSE! to start dis off his WORDINGS AN "ISSUE!" we've all "Closed the book on ole' Boy" w/o havin "JOURNALS TO FLIP THRU" cus' its clear 2 me his content reads like Ol' Newspaper Obituary's (no-one observing would miss you!)/

^ Grammatically, these are all complete sentences. Also, I've arranged the last line to have more of a "Closure" effect to the overall concept. Think of setups like jabs. If you jab jab... then you're setting up for the haymaker. Every bar, jab jab haymaker. Thats basically what a closure sentence is to your every bar / concept. You want to structure that last concept in a way that closes out the theme(s) you've been setting up, with a hard hitting finishing line that ties together the concepts.



Hope this helps fam! Good luck with it. @Student.

[Skizzo]

Folks think I'm BURDEN'D w/ MISUSE but LBT gave me a shot, that I won't CERTAINLY REFUSE to start dis off his WORDINGS AN "ISSUE" clear 2 me his content reads like Ol' Newspaper Obituary's (cept' no-one would miss you!) that's a story any "JOURNALIST" CAN reFUTE!!


Ok.
To start this off, you have a few things that you could work on here. The first, being that the multi "BURDEN'D WITH MISUSE" is nonsensical. You're not fully clarifying on the misuse of what, who or when, so this came off as forced and filler and didnt do you any favors to help strengthen the concept you were going for. The second thing, is that you didnt match the 5 syllable multi you were going with, and instead, used the JOURNALIST CAN REFUTE, which is a 6 syllable one, so that threw off the flow pretty badly at the end. And the last thing is that you have problem with your arrangement and setup of the finishing concept to execute the topic with a hard hitting finishing line to close it out with. The way you have your lines arranged, makes it seem like its incomplete or a run on sentence at the end. What I did love about your techniques and style though, is how you managed to correlate your setup concepts with your entire bar. content reads / journalist / obituary / issues. The way you kept the theme relevant the entire bar was extremely well done. But Let me show you something.

By simply replacing the filler from the nonsensical multi with another proper hard hitting line and multi, and arranging your lines in a way that it makes complete proper sentences... look how much of a difference it makes:


LBT gave me a shot that I won't CERTAINLY REFUSE! to start dis off his WORDINGS AN "ISSUE!" we've all "Closed the book on ole' Boy" w/o havin "JOURNALS TO FLIP THRU" cus' its clear 2 me his content reads like Ol' Newspaper Obituary's (no-one observing would miss you!)/

^ Grammatically, these are all complete sentences. Also, I've arranged the last line to have more of a "Closure" effect to the overall concept. Think of setups like jabs. If you jab jab... then you're setting up for the haymaker. Every bar, jab jab haymaker. Thats basically what a closure sentence is to your every bar / concept. You want to structure that last concept in a way that closes out the theme(s) you've been setting up, with a hard hitting finishing line that ties together the concepts.



Hope this helps fam! Good luck with it. @Student.

[The Saaxxx Baba]

i would wanna elevate as well too man, as i already told you earlier my prob is with the old structure that i am used to which used to be pun/wordplay heavy rather than multis and complexity, so i am here on letsbeef to be able to balance it all and be able blend all aspects to assist me with writing for a few projects i got running. with that said kindly assist me with ur feedbacks on the following which is my latest stuff as of now -

https://www.letsbeef.com/battle_deta...n=tb&id=512069

[The Saaxxx Baba]

i would wanna elevate as well too man, as i already told you earlier my prob is with the old structure that i am used to which used to be pun/wordplay heavy rather than multis and complexity, so i am here on letsbeef to be able to balance it all and be able blend all aspects to assist me with writing for a few projects i got running. with that said kindly assist me with ur feedbacks on the following which is my latest stuff as of now -

https://www.letsbeef.com/battle_deta...n=tb&id=512069

[Student]

Originally Posted by Skizzo

Folks think I'm BURDEN'D w/ MISUSE but LBT gave me a shot, that I won't CERTAINLY REFUSE to start dis off his WORDINGS AN "ISSUE" clear 2 me his content reads like Ol' Newspaper Obituary's (cept' no-one would miss you!) that's a story any "JOURNALIST" CAN reFUTE!!


Ok.
To start this off, you have a few things that you could work on here. The first, being that the multi "BURDEN'D WITH MISUSE" is nonsensical. You're not fully clarifying on the misuse of what, who or when, so this came off as forced and filler and didnt do you any favors to help strengthen the concept you were going for. The second thing, is that you didnt match the 5 syllable multi you were going with, and instead, used the JOURNALIST CAN REFUTE, which is a 6 syllable one, so that threw off the flow pretty badly at the end. And the last thing is that you have problem with your arrangement and setup of the finishing concept to execute the topic with a hard hitting finishing line to close it out with. The way you have your lines arranged, makes it seem like its incomplete or a run on sentence at the end. What I did love about your techniques and style though, is how you managed to correlate your setup concepts with your entire bar. content reads / journalist / obituary / issues. The way you kept the theme relevant the entire bar was extremely well done. But Let me show you something.

By simply replacing the filler from the nonsensical multi with another proper hard hitting line and multi, and arranging your lines in a way that it makes complete proper sentences... look how much of a difference it makes:


LBT gave me a shot that I won't CERTAINLY REFUSE! to start dis off his WORDINGS AN "ISSUE!" we've all "Closed the book on ole' Boy" w/o havin "JOURNALS TO FLIP THRU" cus' its clear 2 me his content reads like Ol' Newspaper Obituary's (no-one observing would miss you!)/

^ Grammatically, these are all complete sentences. Also, I've arranged the last line to have more of a "Closure" effect to the overall concept. Think of setups like jabs. If you jab jab... then you're setting up for the haymaker. Every bar, jab jab haymaker. Thats basically what a closure sentence is to your every bar / concept. You want to structure that last concept in a way that closes out the theme(s) you've been setting up, with a hard hitting finishing line that ties together the concepts.



Hope this helps fam! Good luck with it. @Student.

Appreciate the breakdown Skizz, I'll def. take this into consideration

[Student]

Originally Posted by Skizzo

Folks think I'm BURDEN'D w/ MISUSE but LBT gave me a shot, that I won't CERTAINLY REFUSE to start dis off his WORDINGS AN "ISSUE" clear 2 me his content reads like Ol' Newspaper Obituary's (cept' no-one would miss you!) that's a story any "JOURNALIST" CAN reFUTE!!


Ok.
To start this off, you have a few things that you could work on here. The first, being that the multi "BURDEN'D WITH MISUSE" is nonsensical. You're not fully clarifying on the misuse of what, who or when, so this came off as forced and filler and didnt do you any favors to help strengthen the concept you were going for. The second thing, is that you didnt match the 5 syllable multi you were going with, and instead, used the JOURNALIST CAN REFUTE, which is a 6 syllable one, so that threw off the flow pretty badly at the end. And the last thing is that you have problem with your arrangement and setup of the finishing concept to execute the topic with a hard hitting finishing line to close it out with. The way you have your lines arranged, makes it seem like its incomplete or a run on sentence at the end. What I did love about your techniques and style though, is how you managed to correlate your setup concepts with your entire bar. content reads / journalist / obituary / issues. The way you kept the theme relevant the entire bar was extremely well done. But Let me show you something.

By simply replacing the filler from the nonsensical multi with another proper hard hitting line and multi, and arranging your lines in a way that it makes complete proper sentences... look how much of a difference it makes:


LBT gave me a shot that I won't CERTAINLY REFUSE! to start dis off his WORDINGS AN "ISSUE!" we've all "Closed the book on ole' Boy" w/o havin "JOURNALS TO FLIP THRU" cus' its clear 2 me his content reads like Ol' Newspaper Obituary's (no-one observing would miss you!)/

^ Grammatically, these are all complete sentences. Also, I've arranged the last line to have more of a "Closure" effect to the overall concept. Think of setups like jabs. If you jab jab... then you're setting up for the haymaker. Every bar, jab jab haymaker. Thats basically what a closure sentence is to your every bar / concept. You want to structure that last concept in a way that closes out the theme(s) you've been setting up, with a hard hitting finishing line that ties together the concepts.



Hope this helps fam! Good luck with it. @Student.

Appreciate the breakdown Skizz, I'll def. take this into consideration