ATT 2018 ROUND 2: Writer 6 vs Writer 11 [Writer 6 wins via no-show]

[The Ghost of Freak]

I feel this was pretty solid. As others have stated the narrative went in a fairly predictable direction, but not in a bad way. Well executed and fairly clever. My only suggestion would be to possibly play with the formatting. I see you broke the piece up by rhyme schemes a bit, but maybe add some internal single line breaks and separate the current sections with double line breaks for more readability? (See my attempt below) I dunno, maybe the italics through the whole piece threw me off a bit as well. I know it sounds silly, but formatting definitely has a subtle effect. Good stuff.

Originally Posted by NOBLE

Writer 6

Zack was walking home and he was fed up of getting told;
His co-worker, Elain, and her extraterrestrials -
She gave him a discourse explaining why she had faith,
But he laughed hysterically and said she's high and half-baked.

He was almost home until a beacon hit him, grabbed him with power,
And Zack was blinded until he found himself strapped to a counter..


There were 4 beings, and each and every face was synonymous,
With a vast forehead, along with grayness in all the skin.
Their eyes never-blinking, ever spacious and ominous
Weird jargon; he couldn’t fathom their statements with cognizance
Their appendages were as scaly as lots of fish
And a red glare was emitted from the laser he saw them grip.

Zack didn't think he'd die here, he was patient and positive
But when he saw the light was aimed at his brain he acknowledged it.
Got enraged with his pompousness; saliva shaped into wads of spit
And as he hit them with it, he was ready to embrace the necropolis...

..But their flesh sizzled as it seared; the spit was taking its dominance.
The beings yelled in agony as if the pain wasn't obvious.
Zack realized he was free from the restraint and went off to sprint
Looking forward and not back, to get away from the consequence.

Then an orifice caught his foot, fell and escaped from a rocketship
And from the impact of the drop came a state of unconsciousness…..


He woke up unsteadily in the same place; battered and sore.
Elain quickly came to mind, then he was packed with remorse

And a yearning to apologize and say she has his support
So he went to her abode but no one answered the door....


So he turned his back and left, then withdrew his own confession
But unbeknownst to Zack, there was a truth with no attention..
Elain’s an anagram.. and he was too engrossed to stresses
To notice that, in her backyard, a U.F.O ascended...

[The Ghost of Freak]

I feel this was pretty solid. As others have stated the narrative went in a fairly predictable direction, but not in a bad way. Well executed and fairly clever. My only suggestion would be to possibly play with the formatting. I see you broke the piece up by rhyme schemes a bit, but maybe add some internal single line breaks and separate the current sections with double line breaks for more readability? (See my attempt below) I dunno, maybe the italics through the whole piece threw me off a bit as well. I know it sounds silly, but formatting definitely has a subtle effect. Good stuff.

Originally Posted by NOBLE

Writer 6

Zack was walking home and he was fed up of getting told;
His co-worker, Elain, and her extraterrestrials -
She gave him a discourse explaining why she had faith,
But he laughed hysterically and said she's high and half-baked.

He was almost home until a beacon hit him, grabbed him with power,
And Zack was blinded until he found himself strapped to a counter..


There were 4 beings, and each and every face was synonymous,
With a vast forehead, along with grayness in all the skin.
Their eyes never-blinking, ever spacious and ominous
Weird jargon; he couldn’t fathom their statements with cognizance
Their appendages were as scaly as lots of fish
And a red glare was emitted from the laser he saw them grip.

Zack didn't think he'd die here, he was patient and positive
But when he saw the light was aimed at his brain he acknowledged it.
Got enraged with his pompousness; saliva shaped into wads of spit
And as he hit them with it, he was ready to embrace the necropolis...

..But their flesh sizzled as it seared; the spit was taking its dominance.
The beings yelled in agony as if the pain wasn't obvious.
Zack realized he was free from the restraint and went off to sprint
Looking forward and not back, to get away from the consequence.

Then an orifice caught his foot, fell and escaped from a rocketship
And from the impact of the drop came a state of unconsciousness…..


He woke up unsteadily in the same place; battered and sore.
Elain quickly came to mind, then he was packed with remorse

And a yearning to apologize and say she has his support
So he went to her abode but no one answered the door....


So he turned his back and left, then withdrew his own confession
But unbeknownst to Zack, there was a truth with no attention..
Elain’s an anagram.. and he was too engrossed to stresses
To notice that, in her backyard, a U.F.O ascended...