... Help :) ... Someone Read, Important To All Textee's To Realise

[Q]

This WRITTEN’S WHERE MY PUNS ARE AIRED! Its natural, BLISSING THIS RIGHT ANSWER “THERE”! Whereas you “try so hard” it makes you seem you SHITTIN IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!!!!!

^Opening line, altho kinda funny...Had no real importance nor was it a punch really, specially for an opening line....

This kid’ll soon be THIRSTIN FOR MEDICINE when I BURST HIS OWN TESTIMENT cos he was just a fake fuck and couldn’t be “original” if he was VERSIN A VETERAN!!!!/

^^Nice flow to this line, and nice-ish punch.Delivery was ok too.....

It’s CERTAIN YOUR RELEVENT to only weak people like a PERSON OR RESIDENT!!!

^^I Understand the concept you were trying to put here, nice idea man, but it couldof been worded better. PLus you should of put this line before the one before it as by having it were you do, (to me) it takes away from the flow of the verse to be honest. Work on the structure.

My SPITS ALL THAT CALLS and GIVES THOSE THAT STROLL a little taste of being taken over like “HYPO’S” AND TROLLS!!! (?) So your verse is my comp??? Please, this just a stroll for me like I put my KICKS ON AND BALL!!!!!

^^Nice use of rhyming words, but i fail to see the punch in this line. It may just be me....

I’m SONNIN’ EM’ FUCKIN COVENENT SUCKIN to have you “used quicker” than GOVERNMENT FUNDING!!!!!

^^Your best line of your verse, the only 'solid' punch. Delivery was nice.

WASN’T IT MON-EY???? This TEENS STUPID, READ USELESS!! I just answered the “question” you no match to me, i’mma KEEN STUDENT!!!
^^I Also fail to see a 'punch' in this line. The set up (like most your lines) had me reading expecting a punch, but was let down with the 'punch' that was provided.

So,
you have some nice concepts, just need to work on your punches/metaphores a lil bit more. Sets up should have something to do with the punch that follows them, a set up should be near as good as its punch, an when that punch comes....BAM. You have the set ups,just the punch is often a let down.

Im just being honest with my opinion, this is not hate in any way shape or form. Giving time i can see you getting better, keep @ it!

[Q]

This WRITTEN’S WHERE MY PUNS ARE AIRED! Its natural, BLISSING THIS RIGHT ANSWER “THERE”! Whereas you “try so hard” it makes you seem you SHITTIN IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!!!!!

^Opening line, altho kinda funny...Had no real importance nor was it a punch really, specially for an opening line....

This kid’ll soon be THIRSTIN FOR MEDICINE when I BURST HIS OWN TESTIMENT cos he was just a fake fuck and couldn’t be “original” if he was VERSIN A VETERAN!!!!/

^^Nice flow to this line, and nice-ish punch.Delivery was ok too.....

It’s CERTAIN YOUR RELEVENT to only weak people like a PERSON OR RESIDENT!!!

^^I Understand the concept you were trying to put here, nice idea man, but it couldof been worded better. PLus you should of put this line before the one before it as by having it were you do, (to me) it takes away from the flow of the verse to be honest. Work on the structure.

My SPITS ALL THAT CALLS and GIVES THOSE THAT STROLL a little taste of being taken over like “HYPO’S” AND TROLLS!!! (?) So your verse is my comp??? Please, this just a stroll for me like I put my KICKS ON AND BALL!!!!!

^^Nice use of rhyming words, but i fail to see the punch in this line. It may just be me....

I’m SONNIN’ EM’ FUCKIN COVENENT SUCKIN to have you “used quicker” than GOVERNMENT FUNDING!!!!!

^^Your best line of your verse, the only 'solid' punch. Delivery was nice.

WASN’T IT MON-EY???? This TEENS STUPID, READ USELESS!! I just answered the “question” you no match to me, i’mma KEEN STUDENT!!!
^^I Also fail to see a 'punch' in this line. The set up (like most your lines) had me reading expecting a punch, but was let down with the 'punch' that was provided.

So,
you have some nice concepts, just need to work on your punches/metaphores a lil bit more. Sets up should have something to do with the punch that follows them, a set up should be near as good as its punch, an when that punch comes....BAM. You have the set ups,just the punch is often a let down.

Im just being honest with my opinion, this is not hate in any way shape or form. Giving time i can see you getting better, keep @ it!