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03-23-2012, 02:32 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 12,003
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Dr. Killz
it dawned on me that i have alot of advice and shit to give and i'm mad fair and brutally honest...so...why not allow my services to be solicited by the LetsBeef family..
i'm sure i'll regret this..
but post a few bars and i'll tell you (imo) what you need to work on and what you are dope at..
note: i'm not going to judge based on anything else i've seen from you...just the bars you post..
post away 
__________________
"If stupid Fish-Man tries to trick Grundy, Grundy will crush"
-Solomon Grundy
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03-23-2012, 02:32 PM
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#1
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Ranked Audio Record
70 Won / 25 Lost
Ranked Text Record
344 Won / 124 Lost
Join Date: Mar 2009
Voted:
183
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text
Posts: 12,003
Mentioned: 582 Post(s)
Tagged: 46 Thread(s)
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Dr. Killz
it dawned on me that i have alot of advice and shit to give and i'm mad fair and brutally honest...so...why not allow my services to be solicited by the LetsBeef family..
i'm sure i'll regret this..
but post a few bars and i'll tell you (imo) what you need to work on and what you are dope at..
note: i'm not going to judge based on anything else i've seen from you...just the bars you post..
post away
__________________
"If stupid Fish-Man tries to trick Grundy, Grundy will crush"
-Solomon Grundy
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03-23-2012, 02:33 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,835
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19 Won / 4 Lost
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Yo Yo... Check it out... i'm a raging gay... TIME!
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03-23-2012, 02:33 PM
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#2
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Ranked Audio Record
3 Won / 1 Lost
Ranked Text Record
19 Won / 4 Lost
Join Date: Jan 2012
Voted:
0 audio / 34
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Posts: 1,835
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Yo Yo... Check it out... i'm a raging gay... TIME!
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03-23-2012, 02:37 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 10,278
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97 Won / 79 Lost
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what's with all the GORE N' BLOOD SHIT? it just proves that your of no use, another BORING DUMB BITCH your a fat nerdy muhfucka how would you even start imPLORING SLUGS QUICK? haha for those foolish bars and stretch scars I'll keep you hanging "Over Wait/Weight In Line For A Sticking" like big WHORES IN CLUBS BITCH!!
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03-23-2012, 02:37 PM
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#3
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Ranked Text Record
97 Won / 79 Lost
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Voted:
98
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Posts: 10,278
Mentioned: 2515 Post(s)
Tagged: 47 Thread(s)
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what's with all the GORE N' BLOOD SHIT? it just proves that your of no use, another BORING DUMB BITCH your a fat nerdy muhfucka how would you even start imPLORING SLUGS QUICK? haha for those foolish bars and stretch scars I'll keep you hanging "Over Wait/Weight In Line For A Sticking" like big WHORES IN CLUBS BITCH!!
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03-23-2012, 02:39 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,984
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some shit i used in a battle right now tho it a snipe...I know your honest so give feedback and say what you would rate this I guess a 4,5...
The Only Time This Dude Masturbate When He "CUM IN HIS THROAT"So Why Would Anyone Give This "SCUM A DAMN VOTE"?Can Someone Explain To Me What This "CHUMP HAVE DROPPED"?This Dude Is Gangsta?He Is "JUMPING ON COPS"?Lies Cause Everyone Knows This Faggot Would "FLUMP AND THROB"And The Only Time This Dude "PUMPS AND FLOPS"When He Is "DICKRIDING"!I'm On My Hype I'm "PRICK SNIPING"Killing Rookies With My "SICK TYPING"And This Gay Dude "CHICK PIPING"?Fuck No He should "STICK GRIPING"Cocks Cause Everyone knows He Sucks At RAPPING Fuck this shit I bet This "BITCH BITING"
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03-23-2012, 02:39 PM
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#4
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Ranked Text Record
30 Won / 38 Lost
Join Date: Oct 2011
Voted:
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Posts: 1,984
Mentioned: 269 Post(s)
Tagged: 32 Thread(s)
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some shit i used in a battle right now tho it a snipe...I know your honest so give feedback and say what you would rate this I guess a 4,5...
The Only Time This Dude Masturbate When He "CUM IN HIS THROAT"So Why Would Anyone Give This "SCUM A DAMN VOTE"?Can Someone Explain To Me What This "CHUMP HAVE DROPPED"?This Dude Is Gangsta?He Is "JUMPING ON COPS"?Lies Cause Everyone Knows This Faggot Would "FLUMP AND THROB"And The Only Time This Dude "PUMPS AND FLOPS"When He Is "DICKRIDING"!I'm On My Hype I'm "PRICK SNIPING"Killing Rookies With My "SICK TYPING"And This Gay Dude "CHICK PIPING"?Fuck No He should "STICK GRIPING"Cocks Cause Everyone knows He Sucks At RAPPING Fuck this shit I bet This "BITCH BITING"
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Offline
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03-23-2012, 02:39 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,835
Mentioned: 539 Post(s)
Tagged: 30 Thread(s)
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3 Won / 1 Lost
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19 Won / 4 Lost
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Student
what's with all the GORE N' BLOOD SHIT? it just proves that your of no use, another BORING DUMB BITCH your a fat nerdy muhfucka how would you even start imPLORING SLUGS QUICK? haha for those foolish bars and stretch scars I'll keep you hanging "Over Wait/Weight In Line For A Sticking" like big WHORES IN CLUBS BITCH!!
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The last bit was maaaaaaad stretched lol
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03-23-2012, 02:39 PM
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#5
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Ranked Audio Record
3 Won / 1 Lost
Ranked Text Record
19 Won / 4 Lost
Join Date: Jan 2012
Voted:
0 audio / 34
text
Posts: 1,835
Mentioned: 539 Post(s)
Tagged: 30 Thread(s)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Student
what's with all the GORE N' BLOOD SHIT? it just proves that your of no use, another BORING DUMB BITCH your a fat nerdy muhfucka how would you even start imPLORING SLUGS QUICK? haha for those foolish bars and stretch scars I'll keep you hanging "Over Wait/Weight In Line For A Sticking" like big WHORES IN CLUBS BITCH!!
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The last bit was maaaaaaad stretched lol
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03-23-2012, 02:45 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2006
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FAME
The last bit was maaaaaaad stretched lol
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Yeah I Know Lol But I Didn't Wanna Be One Of Those People That Take An Hour On A Line And Say They Just Thought About It Lol This Is Me With 30 Seconds Thinking And 30 Seconds Typing.
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03-23-2012, 02:45 PM
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#6
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Ranked Text Record
97 Won / 79 Lost
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6 Won / 2 Lost
Join Date: Aug 2006
Voted:
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Posts: 10,278
Mentioned: 2515 Post(s)
Tagged: 47 Thread(s)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FAME
The last bit was maaaaaaad stretched lol
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Yeah I Know Lol But I Didn't Wanna Be One Of Those People That Take An Hour On A Line And Say They Just Thought About It Lol This Is Me With 30 Seconds Thinking And 30 Seconds Typing.
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Offline
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03-23-2012, 02:58 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 12,003
Mentioned: 582 Post(s)
Tagged: 46 Thread(s)
Ranked Audio Record
70 Won / 25 Lost
Ranked Text Record
344 Won / 124 Lost
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Student
what's with all the GORE N' BLOOD SHIT? it just proves that your of no use, another BORING DUMB BITCH your a fat nerdy muhfucka how would you even start imPLORING SLUGS QUICK? haha for those foolish bars and stretch scars I'll keep you hanging "Over Wait/Weight In Line For A Sticking" like big WHORES IN CLUBS BITCH!!
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started off straight man...IMPLORING SLUGS QUICK sounds awkward to me..and yes i know what 'imploring' means lol...the length between the last two multi sets need to have either another multi....or an inner rhyme scheme. its a little stretched out there. the wordplay doesnt jive with me homie...it has to work very smoothly in both phrases for it to be worth using. it comes off forced..for instance...you wouldnrt say "hanging over wait in line for a sticking"...tbh i wouldnt say hanging overweight in line for a sticking either'...i see where you were going with the punch..but the execution was off... be careful about using wordplay....not too many people do it well, and there arent too too many fresh ones that i see anymore...its almost not worth the risk unless its guaranteed fresh
---------- Post added at 02:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:51 PM ----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by PheoNix
some shit i used in a battle right now tho it a snipe...I know your honest so give feedback and say what you would rate this I guess a 4,5...
The Only Time This Dude Masturbate When He "CUM IN HIS THROAT"So Why Would Anyone Give This "SCUM A DAMN VOTE"?Can Someone Explain To Me What This "CHUMP HAVE DROPPED"?This Dude Is Gangsta?He Is "JUMPING ON COPS"?Lies Cause Everyone Knows This Faggot Would "FLUMP AND THROB"And The Only Time This Dude "PUMPS AND FLOPS"When He Is "DICKRIDING"!I'm On My Hype I'm "PRICK SNIPING"Killing Rookies With My "SICK TYPING"And This Gay Dude "CHICK PIPING"?Fuck No He should "STICK GRIPING"Cocks Cause Everyone knows He Sucks At RAPPING Fuck this shit I bet This "BITCH BITING"
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first and foremost...gay shit doesnt usually fly yo...it better be clever or funny...but that opening line is just downright gay and foul lol..second multi set is technically a match, but when read, it doesnt quite flow as well as it could...second multi scheme is off a syllable..and i'm not sure what 'jumping on cops' means...then next few multies seem very out of place and the wording is awkward at best...'chick piping' and 'stick griping' dont rhyme at all...closer was a let down.
homie...ya main issue is that your structure is off...be sure to match all those multies well, and make sure that you are saying something..meaning advance the verse with every multie you use..you got kinda mired in vague insults and never really got to a punch here. when you first start...its best to have maybe one concept to open with..then work off of that multi set or that concept...this seemed aimless and needed some direction...
hope that helps fam
__________________
"If stupid Fish-Man tries to trick Grundy, Grundy will crush"
-Solomon Grundy
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03-23-2012, 02:58 PM
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#7
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Ranked Audio Record
70 Won / 25 Lost
Ranked Text Record
344 Won / 124 Lost
Join Date: Mar 2009
Voted:
183
audio / 1147
text
Posts: 12,003
Mentioned: 582 Post(s)
Tagged: 46 Thread(s)
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Student
what's with all the GORE N' BLOOD SHIT? it just proves that your of no use, another BORING DUMB BITCH your a fat nerdy muhfucka how would you even start imPLORING SLUGS QUICK? haha for those foolish bars and stretch scars I'll keep you hanging "Over Wait/Weight In Line For A Sticking" like big WHORES IN CLUBS BITCH!!
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started off straight man...IMPLORING SLUGS QUICK sounds awkward to me..and yes i know what 'imploring' means lol...the length between the last two multi sets need to have either another multi....or an inner rhyme scheme. its a little stretched out there. the wordplay doesnt jive with me homie...it has to work very smoothly in both phrases for it to be worth using. it comes off forced..for instance...you wouldnrt say "hanging over wait in line for a sticking"...tbh i wouldnt say hanging overweight in line for a sticking either'...i see where you were going with the punch..but the execution was off... be careful about using wordplay....not too many people do it well, and there arent too too many fresh ones that i see anymore...its almost not worth the risk unless its guaranteed fresh
---------- Post added at 02:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:51 PM ----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by PheoNix
some shit i used in a battle right now tho it a snipe...I know your honest so give feedback and say what you would rate this I guess a 4,5...
The Only Time This Dude Masturbate When He "CUM IN HIS THROAT"So Why Would Anyone Give This "SCUM A DAMN VOTE"?Can Someone Explain To Me What This "CHUMP HAVE DROPPED"?This Dude Is Gangsta?He Is "JUMPING ON COPS"?Lies Cause Everyone Knows This Faggot Would "FLUMP AND THROB"And The Only Time This Dude "PUMPS AND FLOPS"When He Is "DICKRIDING"!I'm On My Hype I'm "PRICK SNIPING"Killing Rookies With My "SICK TYPING"And This Gay Dude "CHICK PIPING"?Fuck No He should "STICK GRIPING"Cocks Cause Everyone knows He Sucks At RAPPING Fuck this shit I bet This "BITCH BITING"
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first and foremost...gay shit doesnt usually fly yo...it better be clever or funny...but that opening line is just downright gay and foul lol..second multi set is technically a match, but when read, it doesnt quite flow as well as it could...second multi scheme is off a syllable..and i'm not sure what 'jumping on cops' means...then next few multies seem very out of place and the wording is awkward at best...'chick piping' and 'stick griping' dont rhyme at all...closer was a let down.
homie...ya main issue is that your structure is off...be sure to match all those multies well, and make sure that you are saying something..meaning advance the verse with every multie you use..you got kinda mired in vague insults and never really got to a punch here. when you first start...its best to have maybe one concept to open with..then work off of that multi set or that concept...this seemed aimless and needed some direction...
hope that helps fam
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03-23-2012, 02:59 PM
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Just cos you hang w/ 'kids n play' don't make you a CLASS ACT!!
A punch from my YouTube Battle vz RIGGA in the BAD BLOOD YOUTUBE VIDEO TOURNAMENT
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03-23-2012, 02:59 PM
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#8
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Guest
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Just cos you hang w/ 'kids n play' don't make you a CLASS ACT!!
A punch from my YouTube Battle vz RIGGA in the BAD BLOOD YOUTUBE VIDEO TOURNAMENT
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03-23-2012, 03:05 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 12,003
Mentioned: 582 Post(s)
Tagged: 46 Thread(s)
Ranked Audio Record
70 Won / 25 Lost
Ranked Text Record
344 Won / 124 Lost
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiji Osa
Just cos you hang w/ 'kids n play' don't make you a CLASS ACT!!
A punch from my YouTube Battle vz RIGGA in the BAD BLOOD YOUTUBE VIDEO TOURNAMENT
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lol..thats a small sample size homie... it works when spoken..but when written? its obvious that the group was KiD n Play..so the 's' kinda throws it off...dope concept audio-wise though
__________________
"If stupid Fish-Man tries to trick Grundy, Grundy will crush"
-Solomon Grundy
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|
03-23-2012, 03:05 PM
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#9
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Ranked Audio Record
70 Won / 25 Lost
Ranked Text Record
344 Won / 124 Lost
Join Date: Mar 2009
Voted:
183
audio / 1147
text
Posts: 12,003
Mentioned: 582 Post(s)
Tagged: 46 Thread(s)
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiji Osa
Just cos you hang w/ 'kids n play' don't make you a CLASS ACT!!
A punch from my YouTube Battle vz RIGGA in the BAD BLOOD YOUTUBE VIDEO TOURNAMENT
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lol..thats a small sample size homie... it works when spoken..but when written? its obvious that the group was KiD n Play..so the 's' kinda throws it off...dope concept audio-wise though
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Offline
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03-23-2012, 03:43 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 10,278
Mentioned: 2515 Post(s)
Tagged: 47 Thread(s)
Ranked Text Record
97 Won / 79 Lost
Exclusive Text Record
6 Won / 2 Lost
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Itz Killz
started off straight man...IMPLORING SLUGS QUICK sounds awkward to me..and yes i know what 'imploring' means lol...the length between the last two multi sets need to have either another multi....or an inner rhyme scheme. its a little stretched out there. the wordplay doesnt jive with me homie...it has to work very smoothly in both phrases for it to be worth using. it comes off forced..for instance...you wouldnrt say "hanging over wait in line for a sticking"...tbh i wouldnt say hanging overweight in line for a sticking either'...i see where you were going with the punch..but the execution was off... be careful about using wordplay....not too many people do it well, and there arent too too many fresh ones that i see anymore...its almost not worth the risk unless its guaranteed fresh
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Thanks For The Feedback Homeslice  You Think It's Cool To Keep Doing The Rhyme Rhyme RHYME Scheme I'm Doing Though?
it just proves that your of no use, another BORING DUMB BITCH... ...haha for those foolish bars and stretch scars I'll keep... Those?
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03-23-2012, 03:43 PM
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#10
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Ranked Text Record
97 Won / 79 Lost
Exclusive Text Record
6 Won / 2 Lost
Join Date: Aug 2006
Voted:
98
audio / 589
text
Posts: 10,278
Mentioned: 2515 Post(s)
Tagged: 47 Thread(s)
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Itz Killz
started off straight man...IMPLORING SLUGS QUICK sounds awkward to me..and yes i know what 'imploring' means lol...the length between the last two multi sets need to have either another multi....or an inner rhyme scheme. its a little stretched out there. the wordplay doesnt jive with me homie...it has to work very smoothly in both phrases for it to be worth using. it comes off forced..for instance...you wouldnrt say "hanging over wait in line for a sticking"...tbh i wouldnt say hanging overweight in line for a sticking either'...i see where you were going with the punch..but the execution was off... be careful about using wordplay....not too many people do it well, and there arent too too many fresh ones that i see anymore...its almost not worth the risk unless its guaranteed fresh
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Thanks For The Feedback Homeslice You Think It's Cool To Keep Doing The Rhyme Rhyme RHYME Scheme I'm Doing Though?
it just proves that your of no use, another BORING DUMB BITCH... ...haha for those foolish bars and stretch scars I'll keep... Those?
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