ATT Round 1: Writer 13 vs. Writer 20 (Writer 20 wins 3-0)

[Wonderbred]

Writer 13 vs. Writer 20

Rules
Verses are due Monday, June 23rd.
Verses are to be sent to Wonderbred via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Voting is 3-0 KO or First to 5.

Topic #13
“A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.” -Albert Camus

[Wonderbred]

Writer 13 vs. Writer 20

Rules
Verses are due Monday, June 23rd.
Verses are to be sent to Wonderbred via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Voting is 3-0 KO or First to 5.

Topic #13
“A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.” -Albert Camus

[Wonderbred]

Writer 13

“A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.”

“Memoirs”

I did some bad things. Most people don’t understand why
To be honest, I don’t either, guess I’m just a bad guy
We get in here cause we’re evil - some let caps fly
But I’m the worst, like the reaper with the number that died.

When I was caught? Where to start?
Was it the day they at last they signed the Patriot Act?
I know I was taken aback when that shit mistakenly passed.
What happened to unreasonable searches and seizures?
I thought to search a home that a warrant is needed?

I’ll start earlier. First time I killed, I was about eight or so years in age
Met a bully, he tormented me, I couldn’t contain all the searing rage.
Never thought that my response could bring the pain that it went to make
At the time all I knew was I wanted to break the shit’s ribcage.

So I did. I ended his life quickly and nobody noticed.
My procedure was simple - I just waited for us to be alone for a moment
Grabbed the nearest rock, then him, and once his bones had been broken
I left his body on the ground, it was thrown in the open.

That was an error, I admit. Luckily I wasn’t forced to hang for it.
I didn’t hide it well, I fucked up in the course of faking it.
But it should have ended there. It didn’t. Killing became an addiction.
Take this book as a warning - don’t follow in my way, all you children.

I’m locked up behind bars now. All they let me have is a typewriter.
I get the chair in three months. I’ll die soon, but I’ll write about my life prior.

Alexey sighed and pushed the keys as far away as he could.
He knew he’d never see another day - that was good.
But he could never stomach his story not being the end-all of the sinners.
Of those among us who murder It was entitled “Memoirs of a Killer.”




Writer 20

“A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.”

[Intro] Smashing fist, cracking hits, while seeking walls to climb/ A strict job, Justice, was consuming all his time/ His alter ego was the evil. He knew right from the start/ Desolation- a silent killer -filled his mind and his heart/ But the Guilt held him Captive- the weight was suffocating/ Silky webs created pictures of what his mind was painting/ Vaguely portraying- His confession to Mary Jane, the only girl that he was Dating/
Sending text after text, checking if they might have sent/ Mary Jane was texting Peter, She thought he might be sick/ Her mind was pondering.. "How her boyfriend Peter Parker's freakin night was spent"/ Diagnosed with a illness, called the Spidey sense/ Peter Parker has some symptoms, that always causes him: To ignore friends, leave relationships in the dark/ and destroy all the connections he had in his heart/ Cuz His job called for overtime, every day of the week/ And left Mary Jane alone, as she laid in her sheets/ She was Anxious and lonely, while she bathed in grief/..That evening, Spider-Man was smacking all the villians/ And shortly after, he'd receive daps from all the children/ Obviously, the police could have handled the situation/ but he's addicted to the rush, the pain, exhilaration/ Predetermined goals, he'd go uptown-now/ But had a Polar shift in plans, they turned upside-down/ That day, looking at the cafe- there was a surprise/ He witnessed his heart, Mary Jane, with tears in her eyes/ Epiphany. He realized while he flirted with Justice/ Anxiety and loneliness- took Mary Jane in their clutches/ He knew it was his fault, but what ever could he do?/ Guilt tackling him, He should have just kept her in the loop/ His Self conscious voice of Mary blaring,"I sent those messages to you!"/ Guilty of ignoring Mary, his conviction was blatant/ He formed a web, his art. It was her face he was making/ The Silky webs painting, vaguely portraying a scream of "Sorry, This is my fault" to the girl he was dating/

[Wonderbred]

Writer 13

“A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.”

“Memoirs”

I did some bad things. Most people don’t understand why
To be honest, I don’t either, guess I’m just a bad guy
We get in here cause we’re evil - some let caps fly
But I’m the worst, like the reaper with the number that died.

When I was caught? Where to start?
Was it the day they at last they signed the Patriot Act?
I know I was taken aback when that shit mistakenly passed.
What happened to unreasonable searches and seizures?
I thought to search a home that a warrant is needed?

I’ll start earlier. First time I killed, I was about eight or so years in age
Met a bully, he tormented me, I couldn’t contain all the searing rage.
Never thought that my response could bring the pain that it went to make
At the time all I knew was I wanted to break the shit’s ribcage.

So I did. I ended his life quickly and nobody noticed.
My procedure was simple - I just waited for us to be alone for a moment
Grabbed the nearest rock, then him, and once his bones had been broken
I left his body on the ground, it was thrown in the open.

That was an error, I admit. Luckily I wasn’t forced to hang for it.
I didn’t hide it well, I fucked up in the course of faking it.
But it should have ended there. It didn’t. Killing became an addiction.
Take this book as a warning - don’t follow in my way, all you children.

I’m locked up behind bars now. All they let me have is a typewriter.
I get the chair in three months. I’ll die soon, but I’ll write about my life prior.

Alexey sighed and pushed the keys as far away as he could.
He knew he’d never see another day - that was good.
But he could never stomach his story not being the end-all of the sinners.
Of those among us who murder It was entitled “Memoirs of a Killer.”




Writer 20

“A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.”

[Intro] Smashing fist, cracking hits, while seeking walls to climb/ A strict job, Justice, was consuming all his time/ His alter ego was the evil. He knew right from the start/ Desolation- a silent killer -filled his mind and his heart/ But the Guilt held him Captive- the weight was suffocating/ Silky webs created pictures of what his mind was painting/ Vaguely portraying- His confession to Mary Jane, the only girl that he was Dating/
Sending text after text, checking if they might have sent/ Mary Jane was texting Peter, She thought he might be sick/ Her mind was pondering.. "How her boyfriend Peter Parker's freakin night was spent"/ Diagnosed with a illness, called the Spidey sense/ Peter Parker has some symptoms, that always causes him: To ignore friends, leave relationships in the dark/ and destroy all the connections he had in his heart/ Cuz His job called for overtime, every day of the week/ And left Mary Jane alone, as she laid in her sheets/ She was Anxious and lonely, while she bathed in grief/..That evening, Spider-Man was smacking all the villians/ And shortly after, he'd receive daps from all the children/ Obviously, the police could have handled the situation/ but he's addicted to the rush, the pain, exhilaration/ Predetermined goals, he'd go uptown-now/ But had a Polar shift in plans, they turned upside-down/ That day, looking at the cafe- there was a surprise/ He witnessed his heart, Mary Jane, with tears in her eyes/ Epiphany. He realized while he flirted with Justice/ Anxiety and loneliness- took Mary Jane in their clutches/ He knew it was his fault, but what ever could he do?/ Guilt tackling him, He should have just kept her in the loop/ His Self conscious voice of Mary blaring,"I sent those messages to you!"/ Guilty of ignoring Mary, his conviction was blatant/ He formed a web, his art. It was her face he was making/ The Silky webs painting, vaguely portraying a scream of "Sorry, This is my fault" to the girl he was dating/

Writer 13 - I thought the story was okay. I'd have liked to see a little bit of a twist on the topic. Perhaps "Memoirs of a Killer" and "Alexey" are references to something, but I didn't find anything in researching so I'll assume not. While the story was a bit generic, you done okay sticking to it. In reading the start of this, I kind of had a feeling you were going to bring it back to the protagonist being Dexter. I haven't even watched the show though lol.

Writer 20 - I thought this was fairly original, but I felt you could have had a bit of mystery about it. You told us right off the bat it was Spider-Man, so that kind of left nothing to the imagination. The story was fairly good, and the rhyming had it's high points and it's low points. For your next verse, try and give us what we didnt expect as a conclusion. Something that is shrouded in a veil of mystery, then bam, it all makes sense now.

Overall - A reasonably close one to call, but I defo enjoyed the second verse more. I felt rhyming wise it was easier to get into and flow with, and I thought the story took a much more engaging and entertaining direction. Close enough though.

GMV - Writer 20

Writer 13 - I thought the story was okay. I'd have liked to see a little bit of a twist on the topic. Perhaps "Memoirs of a Killer" and "Alexey" are references to something, but I didn't find anything in researching so I'll assume not. While the story was a bit generic, you done okay sticking to it. In reading the start of this, I kind of had a feeling you were going to bring it back to the protagonist being Dexter. I haven't even watched the show though lol.

Writer 20 - I thought this was fairly original, but I felt you could have had a bit of mystery about it. You told us right off the bat it was Spider-Man, so that kind of left nothing to the imagination. The story was fairly good, and the rhyming had it's high points and it's low points. For your next verse, try and give us what we didnt expect as a conclusion. Something that is shrouded in a veil of mystery, then bam, it all makes sense now.

Overall - A reasonably close one to call, but I defo enjoyed the second verse more. I felt rhyming wise it was easier to get into and flow with, and I thought the story took a much more engaging and entertaining direction. Close enough though.

GMV - Writer 20

[Dysfunctional]

Gonna keep this one short and sweet both had basic rhymes compared to what i expect in a topical but one story was more original that's all that seperated them.

MVGT: Writer 20 (Step it up next time though)

[Dysfunctional]

Gonna keep this one short and sweet both had basic rhymes compared to what i expect in a topical but one story was more original that's all that seperated them.

MVGT: Writer 20 (Step it up next time though)

[Wonderbred]

@Dysfunctional For posterity's sake I'm gonna need you to expand a little more for that vote to count.

[Wonderbred]

@Dysfunctional For posterity's sake I'm gonna need you to expand a little more for that vote to count.

[Dysfunctional]

@Wonderbred will do Writer 13 You're story was executed really well honestly but the flow threw everything off it made me reread alot to get the flow back. Other then that really like the story though.
Writer 20: The flow was alot better then Writer 13 but like Dave said no mystery was there cuz you gave away who it was near the beginning. The story was decent but way more creative then Writer 13.
Overall this was a lot closer then most of the other bouts. but one must come victorious My vote still goes to : Writer 20

[Dysfunctional]

@Wonderbred will do Writer 13 You're story was executed really well honestly but the flow threw everything off it made me reread alot to get the flow back. Other then that really like the story though.
Writer 20: The flow was alot better then Writer 13 but like Dave said no mystery was there cuz you gave away who it was near the beginning. The story was decent but way more creative then Writer 13.
Overall this was a lot closer then most of the other bouts. but one must come victorious My vote still goes to : Writer 20

MVGT writer 20

same story on the expos

MVGT writer 20

same story on the expos

[IAmFlow]

Writer 13 - I thought with the quote, the killer/book topic was the most obvious approach you could have went with. When I first read the quote, I thought of OJ Simpsons story. You progressed throughout it pretty well. I thought the opening was a bit slow, but you closed off the topical on a good note. As far as the flow and rhyme scheme, it wasn't always on point. I thought you had areas that you shined in and some of it just wasn't working. Some just seemed too simplistic that you lacked in the imagery and descriptive departments. overall it was an okay drop.

Writer 20 - Thought you took a more outlandish creative approach. Especially turning into a comic sense with the spiderman topic. The flow and wording were good for the most part. There was a few sections that it didn't sound as smooth. I like the way it ended off using his web as an art and apologizing. However, you could have done a much better job of tying all that together, yes he apologized, and made art with the web, but an apology necessarily doesn't make it a confession. I can tell you have decent skill with imagery as well, there was a few spots I thought you did well in that area. Also, I would suggest cleaning up the verse and fixing you structure. That's a mess and idk about everyone else, but personally, I find it a pain in the ass and annoying when I have to read it as a big blob.

MGVT: Writer 20 - Both had completely different approaches here. 13 had more of your typical, unoriginal topic but I thought his was laced with the quote a bit better. 20 took the bigger risk, with a topic that I doubt anyone else would have used, so although he had the originality, he didn't fully interlock the quote with his because of that I felt there were about equal in that. He got my vote for having the verse was just written better as far as wording, and rhyme schemes. Both writers here could use some polish work. Goodluck to both of you.

[IAmFlow]

Writer 13 - I thought with the quote, the killer/book topic was the most obvious approach you could have went with. When I first read the quote, I thought of OJ Simpsons story. You progressed throughout it pretty well. I thought the opening was a bit slow, but you closed off the topical on a good note. As far as the flow and rhyme scheme, it wasn't always on point. I thought you had areas that you shined in and some of it just wasn't working. Some just seemed too simplistic that you lacked in the imagery and descriptive departments. overall it was an okay drop.

Writer 20 - Thought you took a more outlandish creative approach. Especially turning into a comic sense with the spiderman topic. The flow and wording were good for the most part. There was a few sections that it didn't sound as smooth. I like the way it ended off using his web as an art and apologizing. However, you could have done a much better job of tying all that together, yes he apologized, and made art with the web, but an apology necessarily doesn't make it a confession. I can tell you have decent skill with imagery as well, there was a few spots I thought you did well in that area. Also, I would suggest cleaning up the verse and fixing you structure. That's a mess and idk about everyone else, but personally, I find it a pain in the ass and annoying when I have to read it as a big blob.

MGVT: Writer 20 - Both had completely different approaches here. 13 had more of your typical, unoriginal topic but I thought his was laced with the quote a bit better. 20 took the bigger risk, with a topic that I doubt anyone else would have used, so although he had the originality, he didn't fully interlock the quote with his because of that I felt there were about equal in that. He got my vote for having the verse was just written better as far as wording, and rhyme schemes. Both writers here could use some polish work. Goodluck to both of you.

[Wizdumb]

One was more engaging while utiizing a stronger vocabulary and better schemes here.

MVGT Writer 20.

[Wizdumb]

One was more engaging while utiizing a stronger vocabulary and better schemes here.

MVGT Writer 20.

Both nice but im going with 20

Both nice but im going with 20