Objective (0-0) Vs Lyrical Sting Ray (0-0) - (Objective Wins 3-0)

This match up is part of The Inkwell PPV.
. . .
Prelim Match Up
@Objective Vs Lyrical Sting Ray

Topic:



Good Luck.

This match up is part of The Inkwell PPV.
. . .
Prelim Match Up
@Objective Vs Lyrical Sting Ray

Topic:



Good Luck.

[Jam Jar]

Hello.

First up, credit to both of you - both of your pieces were entertaining and really creative interpretations.

Objective- The 'hook' into your piece is really strong because the pacing is slow and atmospheric. You don't blast in with gore, you introduce it calmly, which helps grab the attention, and maintain it. The style and tone of yours is really conversational, which can work well in Topicals - I felt your rhyming element fizzled off at times, but the storytelling itself was really strong. I got the feeling you might have had same problem I've had when I've been writing longer pieces, which is that your idea is really strong so you launch into it and have a strong first half, but then you find it difficult to close it off? That's the vibe I got anyway - the structure slacked off towards the end, but you had the solid base of the plot throughout. Good.

Lyrical Sting Ray - The idea at the heart of yours was also very strong and well communicated. I got a 'One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest' feeling from it - a rebellion brewing. In terms of the construction, you were more versatile and risk-taking in your use of rhyme, but some it was crazy-forced and predictable (cooking up supper...didn't have enough butter) - more time spent thinking on it would let you give your idea the elaboration it deserves, coz its a strong concept. I gotta say, I loved the last paragraph where you undo all the seriousness - 'bra and nookies' sounds great as a phrase.

I found this a really tough one to call, because both of them got my attention but in different ways. I think I gotta give it to Objective though, because the craft of his storytelling was stronger. No discredit to LSR at all, and as I say, very close.

To reiterate - I'm voting for Objective.

[Jam Jar]

Hello.

First up, credit to both of you - both of your pieces were entertaining and really creative interpretations.

Objective- The 'hook' into your piece is really strong because the pacing is slow and atmospheric. You don't blast in with gore, you introduce it calmly, which helps grab the attention, and maintain it. The style and tone of yours is really conversational, which can work well in Topicals - I felt your rhyming element fizzled off at times, but the storytelling itself was really strong. I got the feeling you might have had same problem I've had when I've been writing longer pieces, which is that your idea is really strong so you launch into it and have a strong first half, but then you find it difficult to close it off? That's the vibe I got anyway - the structure slacked off towards the end, but you had the solid base of the plot throughout. Good.

Lyrical Sting Ray - The idea at the heart of yours was also very strong and well communicated. I got a 'One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest' feeling from it - a rebellion brewing. In terms of the construction, you were more versatile and risk-taking in your use of rhyme, but some it was crazy-forced and predictable (cooking up supper...didn't have enough butter) - more time spent thinking on it would let you give your idea the elaboration it deserves, coz its a strong concept. I gotta say, I loved the last paragraph where you undo all the seriousness - 'bra and nookies' sounds great as a phrase.

I found this a really tough one to call, because both of them got my attention but in different ways. I think I gotta give it to Objective though, because the craft of his storytelling was stronger. No discredit to LSR at all, and as I say, very close.

To reiterate - I'm voting for Objective.

Very clever interpretations. I thought that Objective had a very cool idea that worked in a lot of places, but also came up short in a few aspects. The rhyming was forced from time to time. The infinite loop finish resonated well with me because of a bad acid trip I once had.


LSR's verse was cool too but I felt the power outage opening the doors seemed a little far fetched. I can suspend disbelief though. Flow was a little choppy from time to time but it worked occasionally and when it did it was nice. Story was also pretty good.

Winner just was a little more intriguing: Objective

Very clever interpretations. I thought that Objective had a very cool idea that worked in a lot of places, but also came up short in a few aspects. The rhyming was forced from time to time. The infinite loop finish resonated well with me because of a bad acid trip I once had.


LSR's verse was cool too but I felt the power outage opening the doors seemed a little far fetched. I can suspend disbelief though. Flow was a little choppy from time to time but it worked occasionally and when it did it was nice. Story was also pretty good.

Winner just was a little more intriguing: Objective

Objective, I felt the entire thing came off very fluid. I was able to read right through, and got into that comfortable stage where you start reading out loud, which doesn't happen too often. At times I felt like your lyricism could have been slightly improved, but overall it wasn't a major downside.

The storyline was quite good. You had some imagery, which I think you could improve on, but it was very original and you have your own entire plot worked out, which completely deviated from the picture, but also took in everything from it as well, which is really the perfect way to work it out.

A really nice drop man. Hopefully we can bring you back for more

Lyrical Sting Ray, this reminded me of that one level in the Insane Asylum from Manhunt. I thought the rhyming was really good, which I didn't expect from you. Another piece here which was easy to flow with. I think the only real downside is you lacked some storytelling and I don't think you really thought out what you wanted to write about, and what ending or twist you wanted to have before you got down to it. You have all the aesthetic things down, like lyricism, flow and even some signs of imagery, but I feel that you want to put some focus into elevating your idea and concept, which will really make you a rising star in this sector of writing.

Overall, I didn't think this would be close AT ALL, but one came for a win here and put up a fight. I think the more experienced writer took it all the same.

GMV// Objective

---------- Post added at 01:18 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:17 PM ----------

Objective Wins 3-0

Objective, I felt the entire thing came off very fluid. I was able to read right through, and got into that comfortable stage where you start reading out loud, which doesn't happen too often. At times I felt like your lyricism could have been slightly improved, but overall it wasn't a major downside.

The storyline was quite good. You had some imagery, which I think you could improve on, but it was very original and you have your own entire plot worked out, which completely deviated from the picture, but also took in everything from it as well, which is really the perfect way to work it out.

A really nice drop man. Hopefully we can bring you back for more

Lyrical Sting Ray, this reminded me of that one level in the Insane Asylum from Manhunt. I thought the rhyming was really good, which I didn't expect from you. Another piece here which was easy to flow with. I think the only real downside is you lacked some storytelling and I don't think you really thought out what you wanted to write about, and what ending or twist you wanted to have before you got down to it. You have all the aesthetic things down, like lyricism, flow and even some signs of imagery, but I feel that you want to put some focus into elevating your idea and concept, which will really make you a rising star in this sector of writing.

Overall, I didn't think this would be close AT ALL, but one came for a win here and put up a fight. I think the more experienced writer took it all the same.

GMV// Objective

---------- Post added at 01:18 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:17 PM ----------

Objective Wins 3-0

[RULE]

TBM

Who the hell is lyrical sting ray? lol

[RULE]

TBM

Who the hell is lyrical sting ray? lol