Real Breakdowns..

[The Law]

Not your shit breakdowns that you see in battles. I am willing to breakdown your verses and give you feedback. There will be times i am slow getting at this.

I am going to tell you exactly like I see it. What could be worked on and the good points.

Oh and

Warning
My feedback may be harsh at times so if your one of those argue back, bitchy types don't bother because I won't feed another verse from you again if you do.

I have some rules to this also.

I will not be voting on battles
Do not post your battle links
Post your verse along with the name of the person you are battling only.
*Expo for me if you have personals.. (Not name play)... PERSONALS
16 lines is the limit of the verse
I Will not be breaking down any 32's or 64

[The Law]

Not your shit breakdowns that you see in battles. I am willing to breakdown your verses and give you feedback. There will be times i am slow getting at this.

I am going to tell you exactly like I see it. What could be worked on and the good points.

Oh and

Warning
My feedback may be harsh at times so if your one of those argue back, bitchy types don't bother because I won't feed another verse from you again if you do.

I have some rules to this also.

I will not be voting on battles
Do not post your battle links
Post your verse along with the name of the person you are battling only.
*Expo for me if you have personals.. (Not name play)... PERSONALS
16 lines is the limit of the verse
I Will not be breaking down any 32's or 64

[Letum]

Vs
VIOLENT SCRIPTURES? Ha Imma catch a body plain as 'black and white', see I'm an old school TYRANT, KID YOUR nothing to fold you PLIANT HIPSTER, who heard Wayne once n started TRYIN' SIZZURP, plus my clips spraying something, ''your clips saying nothing'', like SILENT PICTURES!! See that's how you 'CLOSE LINES', now I'll ''air ya laundry''.. see I KNOW GRIME plus I HOLD NINES so when its SHOW TIME you don't pull the ''iron out'', you just 'FOLD' SLIME!! (clothes lines) Bro never SAY YOU'RE AS HARD AS ME, cause when I got the 'can, like bombers' I SPRAY FOR THE ARTISTRY and my AIMS PURE, BRO PARDON ME but all your ''moves prove your a faggot'' n that's just GAY CHOREOGRAPHY!! Normally I'd say be a man and TAKE YOUR LICKS but that's not happening, bro your so GAY FOR DICKS you go APE FOR STICKS, you 'fag', I ain't SAYIN' CIG every banana you ever saw, you ATE IT QUICK using only LADY LIPS, and when you finished it off, you got mad you could'n swallow its BABY'S ; KIDS (the good news is now its super easy when TAKING SHITS!!) Script's ya lucky I'm clownin' n not on my HORROR CORE SHIT or I'd empty MORE THAN FOUR CLIPS n leave a SWORD IN YOUR RIBS, but dear LORD THE GORE IS not needed, just show up to bars n get knocked out, that's how you CHLOROFORM KIDS!!

Preciate it.

[Letum]

Vs
VIOLENT SCRIPTURES? Ha Imma catch a body plain as 'black and white', see I'm an old school TYRANT, KID YOUR nothing to fold you PLIANT HIPSTER, who heard Wayne once n started TRYIN' SIZZURP, plus my clips spraying something, ''your clips saying nothing'', like SILENT PICTURES!! See that's how you 'CLOSE LINES', now I'll ''air ya laundry''.. see I KNOW GRIME plus I HOLD NINES so when its SHOW TIME you don't pull the ''iron out'', you just 'FOLD' SLIME!! (clothes lines) Bro never SAY YOU'RE AS HARD AS ME, cause when I got the 'can, like bombers' I SPRAY FOR THE ARTISTRY and my AIMS PURE, BRO PARDON ME but all your ''moves prove your a faggot'' n that's just GAY CHOREOGRAPHY!! Normally I'd say be a man and TAKE YOUR LICKS but that's not happening, bro your so GAY FOR DICKS you go APE FOR STICKS, you 'fag', I ain't SAYIN' CIG every banana you ever saw, you ATE IT QUICK using only LADY LIPS, and when you finished it off, you got mad you could'n swallow its BABY'S ; KIDS (the good news is now its super easy when TAKING SHITS!!) Script's ya lucky I'm clownin' n not on my HORROR CORE SHIT or I'd empty MORE THAN FOUR CLIPS n leave a SWORD IN YOUR RIBS, but dear LORD THE GORE IS not needed, just show up to bars n get knocked out, that's how you CHLOROFORM KIDS!!

Preciate it.

[Subreal]

@The Law

VS NICHOLAS


I might have to 'ditch this battle' if he GETS ANY NEARER,this bitch so ugly everyone runs when his 'image' EMITS CLEARER, why 'bring punches to the battle', when he 'sees his own reflection' he HITS THE MIRROR! but 'When i see ur fine bitch' she DROPS HER CLOTHES, she 'sucks more dick than u' she TOPS THE PROS, she should be a 'traffic light' the way she STOPS AND GOES!! When it comes to the 'public' I'm the TRUSTED FEATURE, your fans giving 'bad feedback' like a BUSTED SPEAKER!! In a few days he will be SCRATCHED FOR APPEALING the only 'fan still giving feedback' will be! ATTACHED TO HIS CEILING!!

[Subreal]

@The Law

VS NICHOLAS


I might have to 'ditch this battle' if he GETS ANY NEARER,this bitch so ugly everyone runs when his 'image' EMITS CLEARER, why 'bring punches to the battle', when he 'sees his own reflection' he HITS THE MIRROR! but 'When i see ur fine bitch' she DROPS HER CLOTHES, she 'sucks more dick than u' she TOPS THE PROS, she should be a 'traffic light' the way she STOPS AND GOES!! When it comes to the 'public' I'm the TRUSTED FEATURE, your fans giving 'bad feedback' like a BUSTED SPEAKER!! In a few days he will be SCRATCHED FOR APPEALING the only 'fan still giving feedback' will be! ATTACHED TO HIS CEILING!!

@The Law

Vs Owl Kapone

Everything I'm GON' SPEAK ACCEPT IT'S TRUE It ain't 'Incest with Vein Offspring' when you was all over 'S.O.N.S Dick' until 'CONCEITED REJECTED YOU!Don't you EXPECT IT TO SOUND DUMB, formatted like an 'N.R.A Leaflet' the way your 'verses' always 'CENTERED AROUND GUNS?!' Rolling with 'Bone Collectors?' Bro if you get votes it's PROBLY THROUGH CATS WITH MERCY see I'm 'Killing Owl' with 'Filler' I may as well switch HOBBIES TO TAXIDERMY! This 'Spanner' claim he 'Blasting Hammers' but my punches you ain't got the TOOLS TO MATCH IT! Irony is, only time this cheater 'Re-Can be champion' is when 'RULE WAS ACTIVE!'.


Expo:
S.O.N.S is a real life crew that used to frequent this site, one of the members is called Conceited. Rican (Owl Kapone) used to act like they were best friends and suck his dick hard on the forums claiming he was joining S.O.N.S and what not... anyway he didn't. Second bar, Centered is a way of aligning text in word in a NRA (National Rifle Association) leaflet the writing would be about guns. Third bar, Taxidermy is stuffing animals e.g stuffing owls with filler, it sometimes also involves skeletons (bone collectors). 4th bar, Spanner and Hammers are Tools. Rule was Grand Champion when he was active on his other account Revan, commonly shortened to Re. Rican/Re-Can is one of Owls tons of multi-accounts which also explains the cheater reference.

@The Law

Vs Owl Kapone

Everything I'm GON' SPEAK ACCEPT IT'S TRUE It ain't 'Incest with Vein Offspring' when you was all over 'S.O.N.S Dick' until 'CONCEITED REJECTED YOU!Don't you EXPECT IT TO SOUND DUMB, formatted like an 'N.R.A Leaflet' the way your 'verses' always 'CENTERED AROUND GUNS?!' Rolling with 'Bone Collectors?' Bro if you get votes it's PROBLY THROUGH CATS WITH MERCY see I'm 'Killing Owl' with 'Filler' I may as well switch HOBBIES TO TAXIDERMY! This 'Spanner' claim he 'Blasting Hammers' but my punches you ain't got the TOOLS TO MATCH IT! Irony is, only time this cheater 'Re-Can be champion' is when 'RULE WAS ACTIVE!'.


Expo:
S.O.N.S is a real life crew that used to frequent this site, one of the members is called Conceited. Rican (Owl Kapone) used to act like they were best friends and suck his dick hard on the forums claiming he was joining S.O.N.S and what not... anyway he didn't. Second bar, Centered is a way of aligning text in word in a NRA (National Rifle Association) leaflet the writing would be about guns. Third bar, Taxidermy is stuffing animals e.g stuffing owls with filler, it sometimes also involves skeletons (bone collectors). 4th bar, Spanner and Hammers are Tools. Rule was Grand Champion when he was active on his other account Revan, commonly shortened to Re. Rican/Re-Can is one of Owls tons of multi-accounts which also explains the cheater reference.

[The Law]

Originally Posted by Letum

Vs

VIOLENT SCRIPTURES? Ha Imma catch a body plain as 'black and white', see I'm an old school TYRANT, KID YOUR nothing to fold you PLIANT HIPSTER, who heard Wayne once n started TRYIN' SIZZURP, plus my clips spraying something, ''your clips saying nothing'', like SILENT PICTURES!!

From wayne part to the end of this was cool. Liked the 'silent pictures' play.. You catching a body isn't a good thing..You should be handing a body out (bodying someone) not catching one (getting bodied).. Feel me? "black and white" reference to the silent picture was nice but the set up around that could use some work with the wording to make it really connect to the punch rather than just being there as "yeah black and white".. "Silent pictures" like an old school tv kind of thing.. yeh I'm sure we all got the reference but there was no real connection from it towards your punch.. "TYRANT, KID YOUR" the whole comma shit and putting the pause in the reading right there fucked the flow up.. Another suggestion would to actually make some lines to connect with your punch because besides the 'black and white' reference there was nothing there if close to connection with it. The PLiant Hipster, Trying Sizzurp really had nothing to do with your punch.. It was just random ass lines for the multi's to work. If you want to use the tryin sizzurp, fake, copy cat, corny kind of deal run with that, If you want to use the Silent pictures, Your clips say nothing, you have no ammo deal run with that, don't just merge them together with no connection..

Your shots are "black and white"... just some simplistic QUIET SCRIPTURES
I heard 'more noise in the clips' of a SILENT PICTURE

Shot/clips.. The noise/quiet/silent Picture/black and white.. Black and white/simplistic
^ see all the connections.. Rather than just Black and white/pictures


See that's how you 'CLOSE LINES', now I'll ''air ya laundry''.. see I KNOW GRIME plus I HOLD NINES so when its SHOW TIME you don't pull the ''iron out'', you just 'FOLD' SLIME!! (clothes lines)

That's how you clothes lines.. Doesn't make sense.. You don't clothes lines.. You make Clothes Lines, You Use Clothes Lines But you 'don't clothes lines'.. Make the wordplay work be a g if your going to use it.. Overall there isn't much critique I can give to this. This one had the connections in it but concept and multi's as 'know grime' 'fold slime' do not come off smooth... Nor does it sound intense, aggressive.. or out to be a dope punch.. IMO.. Throw this bar out..

Bro never SAY YOU'RE AS HARD AS ME, cause when I got the 'can, like bombers' I SPRAY FOR THE ARTISTRY and my AIMS PURE, BRO PARDON ME but all your ''moves prove your a faggot'' n that's just GAY CHOREOGRAPHY!!

Gay play was was weak.. Be a bit more creative here.. Everyone uses faggot and gay connections in this sense so if you are going to bring it, make it outside the box... As for the overall punch not much connection.. The rest of it besides "but all your ''moves prove your a faggot'' n that's just GAY CHOREOGRAPHY!!" was all filler and useless in the battle.. "AIMS PURE, BRO PARDON ME".. The comma shit I mentioned earlier..

Normally I'd say be a man and TAKE YOUR LICKS but that's not happening, bro your so GAY FOR DICKS you go APE FOR STICKS, you 'fag', I ain't SAYIN' CIG every banana you ever saw, you ATE IT QUICK using only LADY LIPS, and when you finished it off, you got mad you could'n swallow its BABY'S ; KIDS (the good news is now its super easy when TAKING SHITS!!)

I laughed at the 'taking shits' line.. But for the most of this was just more simple gay reference.. I don't have anything else to say about it as I touched up on the gay shit already..

Script's ya lucky I'm clownin' n not on my HORROR CORE SHIT or I'd empty MORE THAN FOUR CLIPS n leave a SWORD IN YOUR RIBS, but dear LORD THE GORE IS not needed, just show up to bars n get knocked out, that's how you CHLOROFORM KIDS!!

Gonna take a assumption that he is in Chloroform.. The Horrorcore build up was nice and you should have ended with a horrorcore punch if your going to use that as your build up.. Not go horrorcore and then for the punch change to 'get knocked' and an 'attempted shot as his crew'.. < You can still do that, but you should have kept the horrorcore style going.. Either way reading back over it again it was still fillerish... You also should have connected the cholorform more as in the chemical or the way it is used to knock people out by putting the pad to their face.. You could have done that throughout your filler build up.. Yes I get the showing up to 'bars' and getting chloroformed and knocked out but the punch still needed more than just that.

Preciate it.

[The Law]

Originally Posted by Letum

Vs

VIOLENT SCRIPTURES? Ha Imma catch a body plain as 'black and white', see I'm an old school TYRANT, KID YOUR nothing to fold you PLIANT HIPSTER, who heard Wayne once n started TRYIN' SIZZURP, plus my clips spraying something, ''your clips saying nothing'', like SILENT PICTURES!!

From wayne part to the end of this was cool. Liked the 'silent pictures' play.. You catching a body isn't a good thing..You should be handing a body out (bodying someone) not catching one (getting bodied).. Feel me? "black and white" reference to the silent picture was nice but the set up around that could use some work with the wording to make it really connect to the punch rather than just being there as "yeah black and white".. "Silent pictures" like an old school tv kind of thing.. yeh I'm sure we all got the reference but there was no real connection from it towards your punch.. "TYRANT, KID YOUR" the whole comma shit and putting the pause in the reading right there fucked the flow up.. Another suggestion would to actually make some lines to connect with your punch because besides the 'black and white' reference there was nothing there if close to connection with it. The PLiant Hipster, Trying Sizzurp really had nothing to do with your punch.. It was just random ass lines for the multi's to work. If you want to use the tryin sizzurp, fake, copy cat, corny kind of deal run with that, If you want to use the Silent pictures, Your clips say nothing, you have no ammo deal run with that, don't just merge them together with no connection..

Your shots are "black and white"... just some simplistic QUIET SCRIPTURES
I heard 'more noise in the clips' of a SILENT PICTURE

Shot/clips.. The noise/quiet/silent Picture/black and white.. Black and white/simplistic
^ see all the connections.. Rather than just Black and white/pictures


See that's how you 'CLOSE LINES', now I'll ''air ya laundry''.. see I KNOW GRIME plus I HOLD NINES so when its SHOW TIME you don't pull the ''iron out'', you just 'FOLD' SLIME!! (clothes lines)

That's how you clothes lines.. Doesn't make sense.. You don't clothes lines.. You make Clothes Lines, You Use Clothes Lines But you 'don't clothes lines'.. Make the wordplay work be a g if your going to use it.. Overall there isn't much critique I can give to this. This one had the connections in it but concept and multi's as 'know grime' 'fold slime' do not come off smooth... Nor does it sound intense, aggressive.. or out to be a dope punch.. IMO.. Throw this bar out..

Bro never SAY YOU'RE AS HARD AS ME, cause when I got the 'can, like bombers' I SPRAY FOR THE ARTISTRY and my AIMS PURE, BRO PARDON ME but all your ''moves prove your a faggot'' n that's just GAY CHOREOGRAPHY!!

Gay play was was weak.. Be a bit more creative here.. Everyone uses faggot and gay connections in this sense so if you are going to bring it, make it outside the box... As for the overall punch not much connection.. The rest of it besides "but all your ''moves prove your a faggot'' n that's just GAY CHOREOGRAPHY!!" was all filler and useless in the battle.. "AIMS PURE, BRO PARDON ME".. The comma shit I mentioned earlier..

Normally I'd say be a man and TAKE YOUR LICKS but that's not happening, bro your so GAY FOR DICKS you go APE FOR STICKS, you 'fag', I ain't SAYIN' CIG every banana you ever saw, you ATE IT QUICK using only LADY LIPS, and when you finished it off, you got mad you could'n swallow its BABY'S ; KIDS (the good news is now its super easy when TAKING SHITS!!)

I laughed at the 'taking shits' line.. But for the most of this was just more simple gay reference.. I don't have anything else to say about it as I touched up on the gay shit already..

Script's ya lucky I'm clownin' n not on my HORROR CORE SHIT or I'd empty MORE THAN FOUR CLIPS n leave a SWORD IN YOUR RIBS, but dear LORD THE GORE IS not needed, just show up to bars n get knocked out, that's how you CHLOROFORM KIDS!!

Gonna take a assumption that he is in Chloroform.. The Horrorcore build up was nice and you should have ended with a horrorcore punch if your going to use that as your build up.. Not go horrorcore and then for the punch change to 'get knocked' and an 'attempted shot as his crew'.. < You can still do that, but you should have kept the horrorcore style going.. Either way reading back over it again it was still fillerish... You also should have connected the cholorform more as in the chemical or the way it is used to knock people out by putting the pad to their face.. You could have done that throughout your filler build up.. Yes I get the showing up to 'bars' and getting chloroformed and knocked out but the punch still needed more than just that.

Preciate it.

[Letum]

@The Law Preciate the break down yo. I'm board with everything you said, but the second bar. Clothes lines, close line was a reference to the silent pictures punch at the end of bar 1, thus it 'closed' the line/bar.
Ever need it returned holler.

[Letum]

@The Law Preciate the break down yo. I'm board with everything you said, but the second bar. Clothes lines, close line was a reference to the silent pictures punch at the end of bar 1, thus it 'closed' the line/bar.
Ever need it returned holler.

[The Law]

Either way.. the whole thats how you clothes line thing still stands about the wordplay..

[The Law]

Either way.. the whole thats how you clothes line thing still stands about the wordplay..

Just looked at your breakdown of @RainMatrix verse and you jacked that shit up. What stands out is...
(RainMatrix) Pass-It-Along, My PADS NEVER CLOSED So With These DOPE RAPS Ill 'OWN BLACK' Like My ANCESTORS YO !!!!

@law breakdown: And If your ancestors are black, assumption is your black too.. Didn't know "black people owned other blacks back then?? and again name play

Obviously his ancestors were white and owned blacks. If you couldn't get that than what credibility do you have breaking down other peoples verses.

Just looked at your breakdown of @RainMatrix verse and you jacked that shit up. What stands out is...
(RainMatrix) Pass-It-Along, My PADS NEVER CLOSED So With These DOPE RAPS Ill 'OWN BLACK' Like My ANCESTORS YO !!!!

@law breakdown: And If your ancestors are black, assumption is your black too.. Didn't know "black people owned other blacks back then?? and again name play

Obviously his ancestors were white and owned blacks. If you couldn't get that than what credibility do you have breaking down other peoples verses.

Originally Posted by Agonize

Just looked at your breakdown of @RainMatrix verse and you jacked that shit up. What stands out is...
(RainMatrix) Pass-It-Along, My PADS NEVER CLOSED So With These DOPE RAPS Ill 'OWN BLACK' Like My ANCESTORS YO !!!!

@law breakdown: And If your ancestors are black, assumption is your black too.. Didn't know "black people owned other blacks back then?? and again name play

Obviously his ancestors were white and owned blacks. If you couldn't get that than what credibility do you have breaking down other peoples verses.

line was probs read wrong, i can see how it can be read seperate ways

Originally Posted by Agonize

Just looked at your breakdown of @RainMatrix verse and you jacked that shit up. What stands out is...
(RainMatrix) Pass-It-Along, My PADS NEVER CLOSED So With These DOPE RAPS Ill 'OWN BLACK' Like My ANCESTORS YO !!!!

@law breakdown: And If your ancestors are black, assumption is your black too.. Didn't know "black people owned other blacks back then?? and again name play

Obviously his ancestors were white and owned blacks. If you couldn't get that than what credibility do you have breaking down other peoples verses.

line was probs read wrong, i can see how it can be read seperate ways

[The Law]

Originally Posted by Agonize

Just looked at your breakdown of @RainMatrix verse and you jacked that shit up. What stands out is...
(RainMatrix) Pass-It-Along, My PADS NEVER CLOSED So With These DOPE RAPS Ill 'OWN BLACK' Like My ANCESTORS YO !!!!

@law breakdown: And If your ancestors are black, assumption is your black too.. Didn't know "black people owned other blacks back then?? and again name play

Obviously his ancestors were white and owned blacks. If you couldn't get that than what credibility do you have breaking down other peoples verses.

lol yeah I read that wrong. But either way it didn't fuck up my vote. I'll admit when I was wrong unlike 99% of the site. Don't know why.. but when I was reading it read it like 'Black like his ancestors' .. It was a quite long as breakdown.. oh well..

---------- Post added at 02:17 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:13 AM ----------

Winner just murdered it, had me hangin on his lines and I feel is one of the sites tops right now. Really liking what hes doing and is someone people should look up too and learn from. Loser had a pretty decent verse but I just felt he wasn't touching the winner.


But what's funny is your comment?? Just Riding fucking black when his verse wasn't all that great.. I understand this could have went either way.. but come on.. lol and 9 and 8?? smh

[The Law]

Originally Posted by Agonize

Just looked at your breakdown of @RainMatrix verse and you jacked that shit up. What stands out is...
(RainMatrix) Pass-It-Along, My PADS NEVER CLOSED So With These DOPE RAPS Ill 'OWN BLACK' Like My ANCESTORS YO !!!!

@law breakdown: And If your ancestors are black, assumption is your black too.. Didn't know "black people owned other blacks back then?? and again name play

Obviously his ancestors were white and owned blacks. If you couldn't get that than what credibility do you have breaking down other peoples verses.

lol yeah I read that wrong. But either way it didn't fuck up my vote. I'll admit when I was wrong unlike 99% of the site. Don't know why.. but when I was reading it read it like 'Black like his ancestors' .. It was a quite long as breakdown.. oh well..

---------- Post added at 02:17 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:13 AM ----------

Winner just murdered it, had me hangin on his lines and I feel is one of the sites tops right now. Really liking what hes doing and is someone people should look up too and learn from. Loser had a pretty decent verse but I just felt he wasn't touching the winner.


But what's funny is your comment?? Just Riding fucking black when his verse wasn't all that great.. I understand this could have went either way.. but come on.. lol and 9 and 8?? smh