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3V1L
3VIL OPENING:
ok the "fact is" this jus "practice".. EVIL TWIN claim he "god uh flow" when it come to "audio" but you"gotta kno" you an text uh FECAL BLEND- even pulled from uh grenade it wouldn't be LETHAL PENNED(pen)!
Ok, first off. This use of uh instead of 'of' needs to stop. I know you're attempting to be cool and hip with the text, but it isn't. It isn't clever. It actually screams “I'm an uneducated moron who cannot correctly spell”. Given the fact that you're a TEXT BATTLER, this means: Being able to actually type correctly and use proper grammar. Now, the first line is filler, nothing hits in it. Then you say Evil Twins bars are a FECAL BLEND without any connection to the following line. There is no mention of shit, poo, faecal matter etc... to justify this line being in the middle. It is again, nothing but filler and used to rhyme with the last line. So, if he pulled some FECAL BLEND from a grenade, it wouldn't be LETHAL PENNED... Makes no fucking sense AT ALL!!. So, this entire “bar” (if you can call it that) is nothing more than a waste of space. Nothing here hits your opponent or is of any impacting value in this battle. This is how you started? Evil Twin's opening line bar had connections from line to line, each piece lead into the next and made sense. Yours did not. Sadly, this is what continued throughout the entire battle.
Second Bar:
wit easy claps im FOLDIN' HIM QUICK they gas his trash tracks who TOLD HIM IT'S SICK? feel like im TROLLIN' A CHICK cause when he ain't holdin' a mic he HOLDIN' A DICK.
This is abysmal at best. A serious amount of filler to say “You're Gay”. Also, no woman/women are constantly holding a dick.. “Feel like i'm trolling a chick because when he isn't holding a microphone then he is holding a dick”... right, so... all women whom aren't holding a microphone are holding a dick.. what? Makes no fucking sense at all... so again, we have another bar here that has 0 impact.
Third Bar:
seen vert respond an he HYSTERIC..KNEES SHAKE, so HIS MERIT NEEDS STAKE..vert "own this spot" so "clone or not" you aint uh twin of shit jus a GENERIC REMAKE!!!
“His merit needs stake”... that makes no sense whatsoever, its just there to have something to rhyme with. A.K.A....Filler!! The Punchlines concept wasn't a bad one and so far, its the first glimmer of any form of writing talent... the execution however of this concept was fucking abysmal, there's that word again..Abysmal, get used to it.. we'll see it a lot.
Fourth Bar:
his tail tucked! lyk he try'na HIDE AN ERECTION, in this battle he bout ta' SLIDE IN TA' SECOND cause my drop shift this beef to a VIOLENT DIRECTION i know he TRIED IN THIS TEXTIN' but they only way he beats vert? Yup, BIDEN ELECTION!!! (steal votes)
Ok, first off: its Like not Lyk.. Stat spelling things correctly, you're not 4 years old. Secondly, and more importantly “tuck his tail like he's hiding an erection”...What? You're aware that the tail and penis are located on different sides of an animals body, right? When a tail is tucked, its drooping down behind the animal, (lets take a dog for example) the tail will hang down and loop underneath the dog... You're saying his Dick is attached to his tail bone and drooping down behind him same as an animals? Do you see how this is absolutely abysmal? Maybe you don't... but it makes no sense at all. See what you attempted to do but it doesn't work. At all. So, again, docked points for that. “in this battle he bout ta' SLIDE IN TA' SECOND cause my drop shift this beef to a VIOLENT DIRECTION”... Right, so here.. we have nothing but BS filler again. He's about to “slide into second”, baseball reference with no connection to baseball or this reference at all and then leads into “because my drop shift beef to a violent direction”... what does that even mean? Seriously? Your “drop shifts beef in a violent direction”... ?? Now, the next two lines are what really make scratch my head. “ i know he TRIED IN THIS TEXTIN' but they only way he beats vert? Yup, BIDEN ELECTION!!! (steal votes)” Vert... has nothing to do with politics or votes. Vert is actually a green hue relating to family crests. Now, we know you were called ReVerT at the time of this battle, and refereed to yourself as Vert... still, Vert makes no sense with an election. I see the concept you attempted to pull off but it didn't work and as such we have five lines of absolute nonsense taking up space.. there is no punch here, nothing hits or has any impact at all.
Fifth Bar:
an I kno he already HYPING THIS WIN even as he TYPING TA' SEND..i seen this battle an said let the SNIPING BEGIN, cause the only time evil "spit clean" is when he finish WIPING HIS CHIN!! (over!)
Its know, not kno... If you're gonna say; Well I done that to free up some space, then you could have simply removed the (over!) that serves no purpose. Broken rhymes on first two multis here, WIN and SEND don't go, at all. Also, you can't snipe as the person replying to a private battle... thats not what sniping is. Ending line was a decent concept, albeit a weak and played one but its the second time you've shown some form of skill... but also the execution was poor of said concept. The entire build up to it had nothing to do with it, no connections etc... so all filler for a a jab that dropped before reaching its target.
Ending Bar:
nvert ta' text they lyk HE JUST VENT-ING when it come ta' "hand ta' hand" kno he don't "stand a chance"..SEE IT'S INTRIGUE.."he go hard" but jus lyk "re-mote start" evil submit battle..KEYLESS ENTRY!
Right... Again, its like not lyk and its know not kno, as a writer, these simple things should not be present in your piece. “he's just venting – see its intrigue” this doesn't rhyme nor does it make any sense. Your ending lines concept here was your third attempt at a punchline in this entire 16. It is also a played concept that you executed poorly. Your entire build up had nothing to do with cars, keys, etc... All filler for a less than mediocre punchline that didn't hit.
Evil Twins Opening shits on all of your “bars”.
3VIL's verse breakdown:
Threaded Mode