Real Breakdowns..

[The Law]

Originally Posted by Letum

Vs

VIOLENT SCRIPTURES? Ha Imma catch a body plain as 'black and white', see I'm an old school TYRANT, KID YOUR nothing to fold you PLIANT HIPSTER, who heard Wayne once n started TRYIN' SIZZURP, plus my clips spraying something, ''your clips saying nothing'', like SILENT PICTURES!!

From wayne part to the end of this was cool. Liked the 'silent pictures' play.. You catching a body isn't a good thing..You should be handing a body out (bodying someone) not catching one (getting bodied).. Feel me? "black and white" reference to the silent picture was nice but the set up around that could use some work with the wording to make it really connect to the punch rather than just being there as "yeah black and white".. "Silent pictures" like an old school tv kind of thing.. yeh I'm sure we all got the reference but there was no real connection from it towards your punch.. "TYRANT, KID YOUR" the whole comma shit and putting the pause in the reading right there fucked the flow up.. Another suggestion would to actually make some lines to connect with your punch because besides the 'black and white' reference there was nothing there if close to connection with it. The PLiant Hipster, Trying Sizzurp really had nothing to do with your punch.. It was just random ass lines for the multi's to work. If you want to use the tryin sizzurp, fake, copy cat, corny kind of deal run with that, If you want to use the Silent pictures, Your clips say nothing, you have no ammo deal run with that, don't just merge them together with no connection..

Your shots are "black and white"... just some simplistic QUIET SCRIPTURES
I heard 'more noise in the clips' of a SILENT PICTURE

Shot/clips.. The noise/quiet/silent Picture/black and white.. Black and white/simplistic
^ see all the connections.. Rather than just Black and white/pictures


See that's how you 'CLOSE LINES', now I'll ''air ya laundry''.. see I KNOW GRIME plus I HOLD NINES so when its SHOW TIME you don't pull the ''iron out'', you just 'FOLD' SLIME!! (clothes lines)

That's how you clothes lines.. Doesn't make sense.. You don't clothes lines.. You make Clothes Lines, You Use Clothes Lines But you 'don't clothes lines'.. Make the wordplay work be a g if your going to use it.. Overall there isn't much critique I can give to this. This one had the connections in it but concept and multi's as 'know grime' 'fold slime' do not come off smooth... Nor does it sound intense, aggressive.. or out to be a dope punch.. IMO.. Throw this bar out..

Bro never SAY YOU'RE AS HARD AS ME, cause when I got the 'can, like bombers' I SPRAY FOR THE ARTISTRY and my AIMS PURE, BRO PARDON ME but all your ''moves prove your a faggot'' n that's just GAY CHOREOGRAPHY!!

Gay play was was weak.. Be a bit more creative here.. Everyone uses faggot and gay connections in this sense so if you are going to bring it, make it outside the box... As for the overall punch not much connection.. The rest of it besides "but all your ''moves prove your a faggot'' n that's just GAY CHOREOGRAPHY!!" was all filler and useless in the battle.. "AIMS PURE, BRO PARDON ME".. The comma shit I mentioned earlier..

Normally I'd say be a man and TAKE YOUR LICKS but that's not happening, bro your so GAY FOR DICKS you go APE FOR STICKS, you 'fag', I ain't SAYIN' CIG every banana you ever saw, you ATE IT QUICK using only LADY LIPS, and when you finished it off, you got mad you could'n swallow its BABY'S ; KIDS (the good news is now its super easy when TAKING SHITS!!)

I laughed at the 'taking shits' line.. But for the most of this was just more simple gay reference.. I don't have anything else to say about it as I touched up on the gay shit already..

Script's ya lucky I'm clownin' n not on my HORROR CORE SHIT or I'd empty MORE THAN FOUR CLIPS n leave a SWORD IN YOUR RIBS, but dear LORD THE GORE IS not needed, just show up to bars n get knocked out, that's how you CHLOROFORM KIDS!!

Gonna take a assumption that he is in Chloroform.. The Horrorcore build up was nice and you should have ended with a horrorcore punch if your going to use that as your build up.. Not go horrorcore and then for the punch change to 'get knocked' and an 'attempted shot as his crew'.. < You can still do that, but you should have kept the horrorcore style going.. Either way reading back over it again it was still fillerish... You also should have connected the cholorform more as in the chemical or the way it is used to knock people out by putting the pad to their face.. You could have done that throughout your filler build up.. Yes I get the showing up to 'bars' and getting chloroformed and knocked out but the punch still needed more than just that.

Preciate it.

[The Law]

Originally Posted by Letum

Vs

VIOLENT SCRIPTURES? Ha Imma catch a body plain as 'black and white', see I'm an old school TYRANT, KID YOUR nothing to fold you PLIANT HIPSTER, who heard Wayne once n started TRYIN' SIZZURP, plus my clips spraying something, ''your clips saying nothing'', like SILENT PICTURES!!

From wayne part to the end of this was cool. Liked the 'silent pictures' play.. You catching a body isn't a good thing..You should be handing a body out (bodying someone) not catching one (getting bodied).. Feel me? "black and white" reference to the silent picture was nice but the set up around that could use some work with the wording to make it really connect to the punch rather than just being there as "yeah black and white".. "Silent pictures" like an old school tv kind of thing.. yeh I'm sure we all got the reference but there was no real connection from it towards your punch.. "TYRANT, KID YOUR" the whole comma shit and putting the pause in the reading right there fucked the flow up.. Another suggestion would to actually make some lines to connect with your punch because besides the 'black and white' reference there was nothing there if close to connection with it. The PLiant Hipster, Trying Sizzurp really had nothing to do with your punch.. It was just random ass lines for the multi's to work. If you want to use the tryin sizzurp, fake, copy cat, corny kind of deal run with that, If you want to use the Silent pictures, Your clips say nothing, you have no ammo deal run with that, don't just merge them together with no connection..

Your shots are "black and white"... just some simplistic QUIET SCRIPTURES
I heard 'more noise in the clips' of a SILENT PICTURE

Shot/clips.. The noise/quiet/silent Picture/black and white.. Black and white/simplistic
^ see all the connections.. Rather than just Black and white/pictures


See that's how you 'CLOSE LINES', now I'll ''air ya laundry''.. see I KNOW GRIME plus I HOLD NINES so when its SHOW TIME you don't pull the ''iron out'', you just 'FOLD' SLIME!! (clothes lines)

That's how you clothes lines.. Doesn't make sense.. You don't clothes lines.. You make Clothes Lines, You Use Clothes Lines But you 'don't clothes lines'.. Make the wordplay work be a g if your going to use it.. Overall there isn't much critique I can give to this. This one had the connections in it but concept and multi's as 'know grime' 'fold slime' do not come off smooth... Nor does it sound intense, aggressive.. or out to be a dope punch.. IMO.. Throw this bar out..

Bro never SAY YOU'RE AS HARD AS ME, cause when I got the 'can, like bombers' I SPRAY FOR THE ARTISTRY and my AIMS PURE, BRO PARDON ME but all your ''moves prove your a faggot'' n that's just GAY CHOREOGRAPHY!!

Gay play was was weak.. Be a bit more creative here.. Everyone uses faggot and gay connections in this sense so if you are going to bring it, make it outside the box... As for the overall punch not much connection.. The rest of it besides "but all your ''moves prove your a faggot'' n that's just GAY CHOREOGRAPHY!!" was all filler and useless in the battle.. "AIMS PURE, BRO PARDON ME".. The comma shit I mentioned earlier..

Normally I'd say be a man and TAKE YOUR LICKS but that's not happening, bro your so GAY FOR DICKS you go APE FOR STICKS, you 'fag', I ain't SAYIN' CIG every banana you ever saw, you ATE IT QUICK using only LADY LIPS, and when you finished it off, you got mad you could'n swallow its BABY'S ; KIDS (the good news is now its super easy when TAKING SHITS!!)

I laughed at the 'taking shits' line.. But for the most of this was just more simple gay reference.. I don't have anything else to say about it as I touched up on the gay shit already..

Script's ya lucky I'm clownin' n not on my HORROR CORE SHIT or I'd empty MORE THAN FOUR CLIPS n leave a SWORD IN YOUR RIBS, but dear LORD THE GORE IS not needed, just show up to bars n get knocked out, that's how you CHLOROFORM KIDS!!

Gonna take a assumption that he is in Chloroform.. The Horrorcore build up was nice and you should have ended with a horrorcore punch if your going to use that as your build up.. Not go horrorcore and then for the punch change to 'get knocked' and an 'attempted shot as his crew'.. < You can still do that, but you should have kept the horrorcore style going.. Either way reading back over it again it was still fillerish... You also should have connected the cholorform more as in the chemical or the way it is used to knock people out by putting the pad to their face.. You could have done that throughout your filler build up.. Yes I get the showing up to 'bars' and getting chloroformed and knocked out but the punch still needed more than just that.

Preciate it.