The Two Utterly Different Deaths of Roy McGinnis
Chapter I: Roy McGinnis' Big Decision
"Life is fucking pointless." That was the only thought that ever crossed the depressed mind of Roy McGinnis.
He was an unsuccessful man who worked a poor job at the polar opposite of a big business.
He worked at a tiny, run-down Irish Pub that his family had started what seemed like ages ago.
Roy hated his job with a passion, spending all day behind the bar of a pub that had no patrons to show.
He worked that job in the pub, alone, for years and after all that time, it was understandable that his patience was low.
"What is life?" ... "Why do we live?" ... "Who am I living for?" ... "When will I know life's purpose?"
These are the questions that Roy McGinnis would pondered as he deemed all of our lives worthless.
He was not a very religious man, so he never looked ahead to his future in the underworld or skies nervous.
Sometimes he'd contemplate how much better life would be if there was no life at all?
He had no family to live for - they were all dead; He had no money in his bank accounts, so he decided to die that fall.
Now, most people with their self-righteous beliefs would tell him that wasn't wise at all...
But Roy said, "Fuck them. It's the summer and in a couple of months, I'll be leaving behind this concrete jungle of cunts."
"Without life, I can finally live free with no worries, just enjoy myself - not have to struggle for once!"
So it was settled... When summer turned to fall, Roy would take his own life and put an end to his misery.
And with this happy thought on his oh so unhappy mind, he finally had something to look forward to blissfully.
Chapter II: The First Death of Roy McGinnis
The next day Roy took a trip to the grocery store where he'd pick up the same old same old.
It was always that cheap microwavable food - the stuff that would be ate hot but came cold.
He'd watch condescendingly at the people who would lightly chatter with others and would shake his head at every name told.
"How do these people act like their lives mean something? And act like the lives of others mean something to them?"
"I could talk to this average looking fella in front of me, but for what? He's not beneficial; I would get nothing through him."
Roy grabbed the food that he hated but always ate and started heading to the register.
There was a lady with her children, who Roy found to be annoying brats, in line, and he parked his cart next to her.
The children kept clamoring on about nonsense, and Roy just stood their, staring at the plain ground.
Suddenly he felt odd, though. Something was not right. His heart was beating abnormally, making a strange sound.
That's when the room started spending, his vision got blurry, and the world went dark as his eyelids came down.
Roy hit the ground, making a loud thud. He had had a heart attack that warm summer evening.
Right when the paramedics arrived, his heart stop beating, and the depressed Roy McGinnis stopped breathing.
Chapter III: Half-way To Heaven
Roy awoke, startled and confused. But his mind and body, they no longer felt abused.
He heard a noise all around him, and when it registered, he couldn't believe the news.
It was angels singing the gospel in higher octaves than he had ever believed possible.
Every single angelic note hit was perfectly audible, and the joy rushing through Roy was unstoppable.
What had happened didn't seem the least bit logical; it was absolutely 100% implausible.
He was in Heaven where everything was beautiful, and everything had a higher purpose.
Angels worked hand in hand, building magnificent monuments through inspired service.
They lived for this safe haven, this utopia where marvelous structures covered its entire surface.
Everyone loved life because they knew why they lived; they lived because life was good to all the citizens.
Everyone worked hard but loved working; then they would relax in serenity and reminisce.
And they all did this with their halos shining bright above their heads, illuminating their innocence.
Roy concluded he must be here because on Earth, he had had hateful thoughts but always acted like one of the model citizens.
He was finally happy; life without life was everything he could have dreamed up or desired.
He was here at last! The struggle was over! Roy McGinnis' actively depressed mind was retired!
But then everything in sight started to fade to black; the greatest thing to ever happen to him was escaping him.
And he suddenly began to see the horrendous Hell that his self-pitying soul was awaking in.
Chapter IV: Take Me Back, Lord! Take Me Back!
Roy McGinnis awoke in an ambulance headed towards the hospital where he'd receive further assistance.
He had lost his pulse and died, but the EMT's had brought him back with their persistence.
After being dead and in Heaven for two minutes, Roy McGinnis had come back to the Hell he thought he had escaped.
And the journey back to the world of the living was a journey that he was sad to take.
His mind went back to being depressed as he lie on that stretcher only half awake.
When he arrived at the hospital, the doctors concluded it was a freak heart attack, and he had no serious health concern.
They kept him under observation a couple of days then said, "To your home, you best return."
But Roy didn't want to return to his life that had life to it; he had enjoyed it when he had given death a turn.
He said, "To Hell with these people on this Earth! I shall go to Heaven again while they stay in this Hell left to burn!"
So Roy McGinnis had decided, one way or another, he would soon see Heaven again.
That's why he headed off to the local gun store to start putting his second death into plan...
Chapter V: The Second Death of Roy McGinnis
Roy bought a small handgun with the little money that he had to his very unsubstantial name.
He went to the pub he worked in because he wanted the place he hated the most to be the place where the gun's ammo banged.
He sat on a stool at the bar he had stood behind for so many years - the bar at which he had grown to question life.
There he sat, thinking about how great it was when he had spent those few moments in his second life.
The thought of him going back there was a thought that he undoubtedly reckoned right.
That's why he pulled the trigger to the gun with a wonderful second death in sight.
The bullet shot out of the gun, through his skull, putting an end to the second opportunity he had received.
But Roy smiled and cheered in his head as he pulled the trigger because his goal had been achieved.
It was time for his life in Heaven that had actually had a purpose to be rightfully retrieved.
But poor old Roy McGinnis.. He was unfortunately, inconceivably deceived.
Chapter VI: The Greatest Blunder of Both of Roy McGinnis' Lives
Roy awoke excited to be back in Heaven where everything was the spitting image of perfect.
He was where there was a purpose to life and a tangible God to actually devote time to and worship.
Killing himself, in his mind, had absolutely, positively been 110% worth it!
But wait... Something wasn't quite right. The scene wasn't as beautiful as he remembered it being?
His body didn't feel as relieved as it had the previous time; he felt like he had taken a beating.
And his lungs felt clouded; as he inhaled and exhaled, he was heaving. His breathing was ceasing.
It was very dark; it must be evening. But there were some very bright, fiery flames gleaming.
And a man stands in front of him; his red skin looks ominous and it is steaming.
"THIS CANNOT BE RIGHT! I MUST BE DREAMING!"
Roy couldn't fathom what had happened or where he had arrived! He was in Hell and there stood Satan.
This is not the wonderful place that Roy had thought that blessed bullet would take him.
He stuttered and choked as words came out of his mouth, "Why am I here this time? Why am I not in Heaven like last time?"
Satan looked at him curiously, "What? Are you really surprise that this time I get to call your ass mine?"
Roy looked frightened and meekly replied, "I'd like to go back to Heaven again if that's fine..."
Satan grinned from hideous cheek to hideous cheek, "You must be a clown! The gives you some laughs kind?"
Roy looked at him, tears starting to form, fear and anguish covering his face.
Satan scratched his head in the space between his two huge horns before stating with haste, "So you really don't know why you're in this place?"
He laughed a couple of times before looking Roy in the eyes and saying, "I grow more and more disappointed with you newer guys."
"It is like all of you dumb fucks somehow forgot that one of the biggest sins is suicides?"
Battle Feed
The Two Utterly Different Deaths of Roy McGinnis
Linear Mode
