Askari vs JokesOnU (Round 1) Askari wins!

[IV]

First off, thanks to both of you for posting and making the effort!

Voting Rubix

Rhyming Scheme/Flow - Askari - Nice throughout, more complex and switched the rhyme scheme occasionally which was clever. Jokes you had a basic scheme which isn't always a bad thing but I think on this occasion Ask took it.

Vocabulary - Askari - Much wider range of vocab used. J you were very basic, try push up that vocab and you'll instantly become more complex.

Topic/Meaning - JokesOnYou - I actually think what you did was really clever, I'm not even 100% sure you MEANT to do this but to me it felt as if it was a parent reading a scary story to their child, like a scary nursery rhyme type piece? That's how it flowed to me and the sense I got from it anyway, and it stuck very well to the picture in a more 'obvious' way than Askari, liked it.

Storytelling/Progression - Askari - Had a clearer beginning, middle section and ending. Jokes, your verse could have kept going if you wanted, good beginning though but I didn't feel as if there was a clear enough ending for it to be a story piece.

Emotion - Askari - Felt more emotion from his verse.

Imagery - JokesOnYou - I think the imagery was more blatant in your gory nursery-rhyme style.

Poetic Techniques - Askari - Good use of repetition throughout, nice short sentences used to create tension. J you didn't use many poetic techniques, maybe they wouldn't have fit your verse, try it out next time.

Ending - Askari - Ending on the repeated line was really clever, pulled the whole piece together and would leave the reader satisfied with the ending. J, your ending wasn't very clear.

Overall MVGT - Askari - Nice verse, good use of poetic techniques and grammar! Good concept in mind and enjoyed it as a whole. Some advice would be work on the imagery. J, like I previously said I like how your verse came across as a gory nursery rhyme, I think it was clever, though it was still very basic, the fundamentals are there but I think you could build on them and add more layers and new techniques to your writing. (Vocab, complexity, repetition, clearer endings etc). Thanks for both submitting, really enjoyed this. Good luck to whoever progresses.

[IV]

First off, thanks to both of you for posting and making the effort!

Voting Rubix

Rhyming Scheme/Flow - Askari - Nice throughout, more complex and switched the rhyme scheme occasionally which was clever. Jokes you had a basic scheme which isn't always a bad thing but I think on this occasion Ask took it.

Vocabulary - Askari - Much wider range of vocab used. J you were very basic, try push up that vocab and you'll instantly become more complex.

Topic/Meaning - JokesOnYou - I actually think what you did was really clever, I'm not even 100% sure you MEANT to do this but to me it felt as if it was a parent reading a scary story to their child, like a scary nursery rhyme type piece? That's how it flowed to me and the sense I got from it anyway, and it stuck very well to the picture in a more 'obvious' way than Askari, liked it.

Storytelling/Progression - Askari - Had a clearer beginning, middle section and ending. Jokes, your verse could have kept going if you wanted, good beginning though but I didn't feel as if there was a clear enough ending for it to be a story piece.

Emotion - Askari - Felt more emotion from his verse.

Imagery - JokesOnYou - I think the imagery was more blatant in your gory nursery-rhyme style.

Poetic Techniques - Askari - Good use of repetition throughout, nice short sentences used to create tension. J you didn't use many poetic techniques, maybe they wouldn't have fit your verse, try it out next time.

Ending - Askari - Ending on the repeated line was really clever, pulled the whole piece together and would leave the reader satisfied with the ending. J, your ending wasn't very clear.

Overall MVGT - Askari - Nice verse, good use of poetic techniques and grammar! Good concept in mind and enjoyed it as a whole. Some advice would be work on the imagery. J, like I previously said I like how your verse came across as a gory nursery rhyme, I think it was clever, though it was still very basic, the fundamentals are there but I think you could build on them and add more layers and new techniques to your writing. (Vocab, complexity, repetition, clearer endings etc). Thanks for both submitting, really enjoyed this. Good luck to whoever progresses.