First verse and Chorus for my first track - Lets Beef

Luke Eamiah · #1 12-31-2011, 04:36 PM

First track I actually plan on recording. Starting writing it a little bit ago. Looking for honest opinions. What bars I should take out, reads as if the flow needs to be adjusted, just flat out garbage, etc.

verse 1
fuck standing on the balcony, I'm up in the mountain peaks,
and what a scene it's bout to be if yall below don't bow to me
it's been a long road, so of course it's had it traffic stops
ignition didn't work but that did not stop me from blasting off
One night I found a rocket ship,
checked for keys, hopped in it
count down from 3 and launched from it
to the top of this damn rocky cliff
and I'm never getting off of it, It was gave to me this artist gift
so those who aren't apart of it can just watch me rise to prominence
stay higher than a comet is, flow nastier than vomet is,
owned the game from day one,I think they call that dominance
grass greener on the other side but yall bitches stay on the fence
but i stay away from mountain edges so there ain't no falling off it

CHORUS
what is it like to be standing below? I'm at the top of the planet with the sand in my toes,
Looking down you look like ants in the road, so I'd really like to know what its like to be standing below

Luke Eamiah · 12-31-2011, 04:36 PM

First track I actually plan on recording. Starting writing it a little bit ago. Looking for honest opinions. What bars I should take out, reads as if the flow needs to be adjusted, just flat out garbage, etc.

verse 1
fuck standing on the balcony, I'm up in the mountain peaks,
and what a scene it's bout to be if yall below don't bow to me
it's been a long road, so of course it's had it traffic stops
ignition didn't work but that did not stop me from blasting off
One night I found a rocket ship,
checked for keys, hopped in it
count down from 3 and launched from it
to the top of this damn rocky cliff
and I'm never getting off of it, It was gave to me this artist gift
so those who aren't apart of it can just watch me rise to prominence
stay higher than a comet is, flow nastier than vomet is,
owned the game from day one,I think they call that dominance
grass greener on the other side but yall bitches stay on the fence
but i stay away from mountain edges so there ain't no falling off it

CHORUS
what is it like to be standing below? I'm at the top of the planet with the sand in my toes,
Looking down you look like ants in the road, so I'd really like to know what its like to be standing below

**Óðinn** · #2 12-31-2011, 05:33 PM

Standing on TOP OF THE WORLD with Sand In Your Toes??... top of the world would be the polar ice caps fam...

And really it be better if you write to a beat, Record ya drop than post it up as a rough draft an THEN ask ppl what they think, were ya can improce ect ect..

**Óðinn** · 12-31-2011, 05:33 PM

Standing on TOP OF THE WORLD with Sand In Your Toes??... top of the world would be the polar ice caps fam...

And really it be better if you write to a beat, Record ya drop than post it up as a rough draft an THEN ask ppl what they think, were ya can improce ect ect..

Luke Eamiah · #3 12-31-2011, 08:37 PM

yeah, You have a good point. Appreciate the feedback.

Luke Eamiah · 12-31-2011, 08:37 PM

yeah, You have a good point. Appreciate the feedback.

**V3numb** · #4 12-31-2011, 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2FUEL

Standing on TOP OF THE WORLD with Sand In Your Toes??... top of the world would be the polar ice caps fam...

And really it be better if you write to a beat, Record ya drop than post it up as a rough draft an THEN ask ppl what they think, were ya can improce ect ect..

aint a literal thing.. as in a metaphor "being the shit and having everything in your grasp".. so he could stroll to the beach and relax if he wanted to.. no hate j.s

**V3numb** · 12-31-2011, 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2FUEL

Standing on TOP OF THE WORLD with Sand In Your Toes??... top of the world would be the polar ice caps fam...

And really it be better if you write to a beat, Record ya drop than post it up as a rough draft an THEN ask ppl what they think, were ya can improce ect ect..

aint a literal thing.. as in a metaphor "being the shit and having everything in your grasp".. so he could stroll to the beach and relax if he wanted to.. no hate j.s

Luke Eamiah · #5 12-31-2011, 08:43 PM

Yeah, I was going to mention it was a metaphor, but I didn't want to seem like I was bashing him on his honest feedback. After all, that is what I want.

Luke Eamiah · 12-31-2011, 08:43 PM

Yeah, I was going to mention it was a metaphor, but I didn't want to seem like I was bashing him on his honest feedback. After all, that is what I want.

**Óðinn** · #6 12-31-2011, 08:45 PM

V3numb...

**Óðinn** · 12-31-2011, 08:45 PM

V3numb...

**Krhyme Killz** · #7 12-31-2011, 09:06 PM

need ot hear it tho fam..looks dope tho

**Krhyme Killz** · 12-31-2011, 09:06 PM

need ot hear it tho fam..looks dope tho

Luke Eamiah · #8 12-31-2011, 09:07 PM

hahahaha. Venumb's a nice guy. Just tries too hard sometimes.

Luke Eamiah · 12-31-2011, 09:07 PM

hahahaha. Venumb's a nice guy. Just tries too hard sometimes.

**V3numb** · #9 12-31-2011, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2FUEL

V3numb...

comming from the one that cdnt even understand a common metaphor when he calls himself a emcee lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luke Eamiah

hahahaha. Venumb's a nice guy. Just tries too hard sometimes.

thnx bro, sometimes i do try.. but i like to just get all the facts in and get a point across is all

**V3numb** · 12-31-2011, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2FUEL

V3numb...

comming from the one that cdnt even understand a common metaphor when he calls himself a emcee lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luke Eamiah

hahahaha. Venumb's a nice guy. Just tries too hard sometimes.

thnx bro, sometimes i do try.. but i like to just get all the facts in and get a point across is all

**Óðinn** · #10 12-31-2011, 09:22 PM

V3numb...

a common Metaphor??... Dude seriously... It was a bad Metaphor, (no offence Luke) End off... Dont go trying to act like your better than me dude, as you'll only end up making a fool of your self....

Luke Eamiah... Some nice shit, just do like i said, record it... best thing to do if ya not writing to a beat (which you should be) have every line the same syllable count, its a basic thing, but will help then no matter what beat you use it on as you can alter between lines depending on the beat...

**Óðinn** · 12-31-2011, 09:22 PM

V3numb...

a common Metaphor??... Dude seriously... It was a bad Metaphor, (no offence Luke) End off... Dont go trying to act like your better than me dude, as you'll only end up making a fool of your self....

Luke Eamiah... Some nice shit, just do like i said, record it... best thing to do if ya not writing to a beat (which you should be) have every line the same syllable count, its a basic thing, but will help then no matter what beat you use it on as you can alter between lines depending on the beat...


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