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  #5  
Unread 07-07-2014, 10:48 AM
Lockhart
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Writer 6: I liked this story a lot. It progressed really well and I felt you were able to convey the emotion of the mother bear, and then the two cubs quite nicely. I felt the flow in the first part of your verse was a bit stretched out for my liking, but the scheming you held up to was top notch. One of the better topicals I've read this round so far.

Writer 14: You did a decent job at going through what a bear might be thinking when it sees another human being or what they may think about on an everyday schedule, but you didn't really convey the feeling that was being portrayed in the picture. Also, you had some awkward wording, choppy flow, and some scheming issues that were more prevalent than in your opponent's topical. You've got a foundation to be good at topicals, but you just need to work on the things I pointed out.

Overall, Writer 6 GMV based on what seems to be a better understanding and more experience with topicals, as he had all facets of topical writing pretty much dominated from start to finish. Decent battle, guys.
Unread 07-07-2014, 10:48 AM   #5
 
Lockhart
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Writer 6: I liked this story a lot. It progressed really well and I felt you were able to convey the emotion of the mother bear, and then the two cubs quite nicely. I felt the flow in the first part of your verse was a bit stretched out for my liking, but the scheming you held up to was top notch. One of the better topicals I've read this round so far.

Writer 14: You did a decent job at going through what a bear might be thinking when it sees another human being or what they may think about on an everyday schedule, but you didn't really convey the feeling that was being portrayed in the picture. Also, you had some awkward wording, choppy flow, and some scheming issues that were more prevalent than in your opponent's topical. You've got a foundation to be good at topicals, but you just need to work on the things I pointed out.

Overall, Writer 6 GMV based on what seems to be a better understanding and more experience with topicals, as he had all facets of topical writing pretty much dominated from start to finish. Decent battle, guys.
 
 


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