Woah, this was intense. Gonna start with what I _didn't_ like so the lasting impression is what was great about it. I felt the rhymes were weak in the first two verses, but then the multis got nice in the last one. I'm not gonna judge flow cause it's written, though I'd like to actually hear this. The Wheel of Fortune line was slightly amusing, but to me, REALLY cheesy. Finally, I would like a little more coherence. Like Black-Book said it does get a bit difficult to follow and it could benefit from having an easier to understand progression. That said though, the story is incredibly detailed. Far beyond just about anything I've seen on here before. And the entire concept of the story is very well thought out and excecuted. Last verse was definitely the strongest and the last pair of lines were phenomenal. Great surprise ending. Polish this up, man. It deserves to be an actual song.
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