Raidan vs Babylon one bar.

[Student]

Originally Posted by Mstrio

Raidan- I felt that your setups were vaguely connected to the main punchline. As in they didnt really give out the main concept of the punchline but they didnt do anything on their own either. They didnt connect well to the concept you had in your punchline. With that being said, your punchline was spun creatively especially with the Godwin build up to it. But if you look at it literally; "dead man after a godwin" doesnt really make sense both ways. The person killed had the last name godwin so saying "dead man AFTER a godwin" doesnt have much of an impact. I appreciate the concept and the idea but thought it could have been worded in a different way.



Babylon- The first multi set was not needed at all, it was filler and didnt serve any purpose. Craft and airplane tied in but saying "getting a body off my craft" sounds awkward. Im really nitpicking here but I felt it could be worded differently. The multi set "spare writer concering me" sounds hella forced again. The headlines part was cool as it tied into the punchline and so did the plane beating part. Overall I felt that the punchline had a good idea but you delivered it in a sloppy way.


Both referenced current events so the punches were still fresh. My vote goes to Babylon just because he made an attempt to tie in his setups in a more direct way as compared to Raidan.

Go post that in the actual battle lol these aren't forum based battles.

[Student]

Originally Posted by Mstrio

Raidan- I felt that your setups were vaguely connected to the main punchline. As in they didnt really give out the main concept of the punchline but they didnt do anything on their own either. They didnt connect well to the concept you had in your punchline. With that being said, your punchline was spun creatively especially with the Godwin build up to it. But if you look at it literally; "dead man after a godwin" doesnt really make sense both ways. The person killed had the last name godwin so saying "dead man AFTER a godwin" doesnt have much of an impact. I appreciate the concept and the idea but thought it could have been worded in a different way.



Babylon- The first multi set was not needed at all, it was filler and didnt serve any purpose. Craft and airplane tied in but saying "getting a body off my craft" sounds awkward. Im really nitpicking here but I felt it could be worded differently. The multi set "spare writer concering me" sounds hella forced again. The headlines part was cool as it tied into the punchline and so did the plane beating part. Overall I felt that the punchline had a good idea but you delivered it in a sloppy way.


Both referenced current events so the punches were still fresh. My vote goes to Babylon just because he made an attempt to tie in his setups in a more direct way as compared to Raidan.

Go post that in the actual battle lol these aren't forum based battles.