Feedback thread.

[Babylon]

Drop some verses you want critiqued in this thread, and I'll attempt to tell you ways you can improve.

[Babylon]

Drop some verses you want critiqued in this thread, and I'll attempt to tell you ways you can improve.

[Saxx]

I'll use this in future. Thanks! The PM was really useful! That was a complete Wip Verse though.

[Saxx]

I'll use this in future. Thanks! The PM was really useful! That was a complete Wip Verse though.

[Godbody]

REVERSE!

Your turn to get critiqued Crysis

In the words of allboro

"Its no question you buns cuz like a big booty bitch I could see u ass from a mile away"

[Godbody]

REVERSE!

Your turn to get critiqued Crysis

In the words of allboro

"Its no question you buns cuz like a big booty bitch I could see u ass from a mile away"

[Babylon]

Originally Posted by Godbody

REVERSE!

Your turn to get critiqued Crysis

In the words of allboro

"Its no question you buns cuz like a big booty bitch I could see u ass from a mile away"

Cool beans.

[Babylon]

Originally Posted by Godbody

REVERSE!

Your turn to get critiqued Crysis

In the words of allboro

"Its no question you buns cuz like a big booty bitch I could see u ass from a mile away"

Cool beans.

[Saxx]

A quick practice one...

im getting a 'big head' cos my name's gettin BIGGER I'll have this 'pig bled' when I pull on a TRIGGER...

[Saxx]

A quick practice one...

im getting a 'big head' cos my name's gettin BIGGER I'll have this 'pig bled' when I pull on a TRIGGER...

[Babylon]

Originally Posted by Sax0joE

A quick practice one...

im getting a 'big head' cos my name's gettin BIGGER I'll have this 'pig bled' when I pull on a TRIGGER...

One/two syllable multi's are far too basic to use against any formidable opponent, not to mention the lack of a punchline or wordplay. On the scale of multi's, which is what you've PM'd me about, this rhymed of course, but two syllable multi's are a bit too basic to use. The internal rhyme you had upped the complexity of the bar, but you should do something like:

im getting a 'big head' cos my NAMES GETTIN' BIGGER I'll have this 'pig bled' cus' this LAME BITCH IS BITTER so this 'kids dead' when I AIM WITH THE TRIGGER...

then you'd add a punchline or what-not but realistically you should start with a concept for your punchline first then build the rest of the bar off of that. Lets take a bar I just wrote for example. I thought of the punchline "you wouldn't have "lions" in your "circle" in a ROMAN ARENA (Gladiators used to fight lions in said arenas). Then I built this punchline based off of that:

I'm a CHAUVINIST REAPER with a mask on, HOLDIN' A HEATER & lettin' off shots til' I'm SOAKIN YA T-SHIRT, I'll place a knife to your throat and laugh as I POKE THE SHIT DEEPER, I'm a tyrant so all my dawgs loyal like GOLDEN RETRIEVERS, I'm God in the flesh so I don't have VOTERS & READERS, I'm MOLDIN' BELIEVERS when I'm HOLDIN' THIS CLEAVER because Cry's a dragon in the ring like LYOTO MACHIDA. Nationwide blackouts happen when I FLOW THROUGH YA SPEAKERS because you wouldn't have lions in your circle in ROMAN ARENAS!

So basically, if you start with the punchline first you could get the things you need to make a whole hard hitting bar off of it. Get back at me with some more stuff though mate.

---------- Post added at 04:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:36 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Punk

http://www.letsbeef.com/cypher_detai...on=tb&id=63817

Dope shit got slept on heavy.. If you don't mind, check out that cypher..

Writing it up now.

[Babylon]

Originally Posted by Sax0joE

A quick practice one...

im getting a 'big head' cos my name's gettin BIGGER I'll have this 'pig bled' when I pull on a TRIGGER...

One/two syllable multi's are far too basic to use against any formidable opponent, not to mention the lack of a punchline or wordplay. On the scale of multi's, which is what you've PM'd me about, this rhymed of course, but two syllable multi's are a bit too basic to use. The internal rhyme you had upped the complexity of the bar, but you should do something like:

im getting a 'big head' cos my NAMES GETTIN' BIGGER I'll have this 'pig bled' cus' this LAME BITCH IS BITTER so this 'kids dead' when I AIM WITH THE TRIGGER...

then you'd add a punchline or what-not but realistically you should start with a concept for your punchline first then build the rest of the bar off of that. Lets take a bar I just wrote for example. I thought of the punchline "you wouldn't have "lions" in your "circle" in a ROMAN ARENA (Gladiators used to fight lions in said arenas). Then I built this punchline based off of that:

I'm a CHAUVINIST REAPER with a mask on, HOLDIN' A HEATER & lettin' off shots til' I'm SOAKIN YA T-SHIRT, I'll place a knife to your throat and laugh as I POKE THE SHIT DEEPER, I'm a tyrant so all my dawgs loyal like GOLDEN RETRIEVERS, I'm God in the flesh so I don't have VOTERS & READERS, I'm MOLDIN' BELIEVERS when I'm HOLDIN' THIS CLEAVER because Cry's a dragon in the ring like LYOTO MACHIDA. Nationwide blackouts happen when I FLOW THROUGH YA SPEAKERS because you wouldn't have lions in your circle in ROMAN ARENAS!

So basically, if you start with the punchline first you could get the things you need to make a whole hard hitting bar off of it. Get back at me with some more stuff though mate.

---------- Post added at 04:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:36 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Punk

http://www.letsbeef.com/cypher_detai...on=tb&id=63817

Dope shit got slept on heavy.. If you don't mind, check out that cypher..

Writing it up now.

http://www.letsbeef.com/cypher_detai...on=tb&id=63817

Dope shit got slept on heavy.. If you don't mind, check out that cypher..

http://www.letsbeef.com/cypher_detai...on=tb&id=63817

Dope shit got slept on heavy.. If you don't mind, check out that cypher..

[Saxx]

Only problem is the word 'bitch' in there? Am I right? From what you said earlier bitch shouldnt be in there?

Also the t-shirt line shouldnt be in your verse?

Did you do this on purpose to see if I would pick up on it?

---------- Post added at 05:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:14 PM ----------

Have this guy 'jacked up' I got GROOVY WINNER BARS he'll be leavin 'gassed up' like Gremlins in MOVIE CINEMAS!

[Saxx]

Only problem is the word 'bitch' in there? Am I right? From what you said earlier bitch shouldnt be in there?

Also the t-shirt line shouldnt be in your verse?

Did you do this on purpose to see if I would pick up on it?

---------- Post added at 05:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:14 PM ----------

Have this guy 'jacked up' I got GROOVY WINNER BARS he'll be leavin 'gassed up' like Gremlins in MOVIE CINEMAS!

Niggas Sneak Dissin Versace..

Niggas Sneak Dissin Versace..

[Babylon]

Originally Posted by Punk

Niggas Sneak Dissin Versace..

Forgive me fam.

---------- Post added at 06:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:09 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Sax0joE

Only problem is the word 'bitch' in there? Am I right? From what you said earlier bitch shouldnt be in there?

Also the t-shirt line shouldnt be in your verse?

Did you do this on purpose to see if I would pick up on it?

---------- Post added at 05:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:14 PM ----------

Have this guy 'jacked up' I got GROOVY WINNER BARS he'll be leavin 'gassed up' like Gremlins in MOVIE CINEMAS!

I have no clue what you're talking about in the beginning of that comment lmao, please elaborate because I'm confused as fuck.

As for that bar, I can see you're improving and I'm glad you're branching out into more complex multi's. You got the first part perfect with GROOVY/MOVIE but WINNER BARS and CINEMAS don't really rhyme well. Though you are getting a lot closer, I'm going to start throwing some multi's at you. Try to create some bars off of them and add at LEAST 2 multi's to the ones I already provide. It doesn't need a punch or anything, this is purely to elevate your multi skills.

I'm a ROGUE SAVAGE, CLOSED CASKET when I TOE TAG HIM... (Finish this bar, add at least two more multis that rhyme with Rogue Savage/Closed Casket/Toe Tag Him. Or not if you just don't want to, that's fine too.)

[Babylon]

Originally Posted by Punk

Niggas Sneak Dissin Versace..

Forgive me fam.

---------- Post added at 06:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:09 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Sax0joE

Only problem is the word 'bitch' in there? Am I right? From what you said earlier bitch shouldnt be in there?

Also the t-shirt line shouldnt be in your verse?

Did you do this on purpose to see if I would pick up on it?

---------- Post added at 05:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:14 PM ----------

Have this guy 'jacked up' I got GROOVY WINNER BARS he'll be leavin 'gassed up' like Gremlins in MOVIE CINEMAS!

I have no clue what you're talking about in the beginning of that comment lmao, please elaborate because I'm confused as fuck.

As for that bar, I can see you're improving and I'm glad you're branching out into more complex multi's. You got the first part perfect with GROOVY/MOVIE but WINNER BARS and CINEMAS don't really rhyme well. Though you are getting a lot closer, I'm going to start throwing some multi's at you. Try to create some bars off of them and add at LEAST 2 multi's to the ones I already provide. It doesn't need a punch or anything, this is purely to elevate your multi skills.

I'm a ROGUE SAVAGE, CLOSED CASKET when I TOE TAG HIM... (Finish this bar, add at least two more multis that rhyme with Rogue Savage/Closed Casket/Toe Tag Him. Or not if you just don't want to, that's fine too.)