Jokes.

[Óðinn]

Bored....so here's a few jokes. Enjoy

Three little ducks go into a Bar.
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"* *
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?" *
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes..........."My name is Puddles."


I went to the pub after work today when a woman came over and said, "You're a bit of alright."
After ignoring her and moving to the other side of the bar she came over again and said, "How about you buy me a drink?"
"Listen, I've just finished work," I said. "I get enough of this there."
"But you've got a postman uniform on?"
"I know I have," I replied. "Which means I'm forever being chased by fucking dogs."


I woke early one morning,
the earth lay cool & still
when suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,
He sang a song so lovely
So care free & so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places
Of laughter & fun,
It seemed his very trilling
brought up the morning sun,
I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his fucking head.

I'm not a morning person...lol

Paddy is ploughing his field with a steamroller. Shamus says "Paddy you dont plough a field with a steamroller you dozy bastard!" Paddy says "I'm growing mashed potatoes you thick cunt!

[Óðinn]

Bored....so here's a few jokes. Enjoy

Three little ducks go into a Bar.
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"* *
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?" *
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes..........."My name is Puddles."


I went to the pub after work today when a woman came over and said, "You're a bit of alright."
After ignoring her and moving to the other side of the bar she came over again and said, "How about you buy me a drink?"
"Listen, I've just finished work," I said. "I get enough of this there."
"But you've got a postman uniform on?"
"I know I have," I replied. "Which means I'm forever being chased by fucking dogs."


I woke early one morning,
the earth lay cool & still
when suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,
He sang a song so lovely
So care free & so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places
Of laughter & fun,
It seemed his very trilling
brought up the morning sun,
I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his fucking head.

I'm not a morning person...lol

Paddy is ploughing his field with a steamroller. Shamus says "Paddy you dont plough a field with a steamroller you dozy bastard!" Paddy says "I'm growing mashed potatoes you thick cunt!

[AfterThought]

@Shiny Face @Shiny Face @Shiny Face @Shiny Face

[AfterThought]

@Shiny Face @Shiny Face @Shiny Face @Shiny Face

Beyonce song the song "To the left to the left" because black people have no rights. Shit idk. Lol

Beyonce song the song "To the left to the left" because black people have no rights. Shit idk. Lol

[Óðinn]

3 men were going on a hike through the desert. There was a paddy englishman, a paddy scottishman and paddy irishman they agred to come back an hour later with some supplies ... a hour went by so they all came back to that spot and the English boy says well its going to get hot so i got us some water. the Irish boy says well were going to get hungry in the desert so i got us some food. they both looked at the Scottish boy and said why do you have a car door? so the Scots man says well its going to get really hot so i can wind the window down and let some air in!

---------- Post added at 06:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:08 PM ----------

A man walks into a pub with an ostrich and a pussy cat. He goes up the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whisky for the cat."
The unlikely trio find a table, sit down and drink their drinks. Next, it's the ostrich's round. He walks up to the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the man, whisky for the cat." Then the ostrich takes the drinks back to the table and they drink them. When it comes to the cat's turn to buy a round, he simply tells his pals to "Sod off!"
So the man goes back to the bar and asks for another two beers and a whisky.
Impressed at his generosity, the barman says: "I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasn't. Why do you hang out with him?"
The man replies: "I once helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish, which landed me with the cat and the ostrich forever."
"What did you wish for?" enquires the barman.

"A long-legged bird with a tight pussy!!

[Óðinn]

3 men were going on a hike through the desert. There was a paddy englishman, a paddy scottishman and paddy irishman they agred to come back an hour later with some supplies ... a hour went by so they all came back to that spot and the English boy says well its going to get hot so i got us some water. the Irish boy says well were going to get hungry in the desert so i got us some food. they both looked at the Scottish boy and said why do you have a car door? so the Scots man says well its going to get really hot so i can wind the window down and let some air in!

---------- Post added at 06:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:08 PM ----------

A man walks into a pub with an ostrich and a pussy cat. He goes up the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whisky for the cat."
The unlikely trio find a table, sit down and drink their drinks. Next, it's the ostrich's round. He walks up to the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the man, whisky for the cat." Then the ostrich takes the drinks back to the table and they drink them. When it comes to the cat's turn to buy a round, he simply tells his pals to "Sod off!"
So the man goes back to the bar and asks for another two beers and a whisky.
Impressed at his generosity, the barman says: "I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasn't. Why do you hang out with him?"
The man replies: "I once helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish, which landed me with the cat and the ostrich forever."
"What did you wish for?" enquires the barman.

"A long-legged bird with a tight pussy!!

[Fredo Lombardi]

boooooo @FUEL that sounds like a rip off of a joke my cousin told me in 5th grade

one boy came into class late...the teacher asks why are you late? the kid replys I was on Cherry Hill....

second boy comes into class late the teacher ask why are you late the kid replys I was on Cherry Hill

a girl comes into class late the teacher says let me guess you were on Cherry Hill she says no I am Cherry Hill

[Fredo Lombardi]

boooooo @FUEL that sounds like a rip off of a joke my cousin told me in 5th grade

one boy came into class late...the teacher asks why are you late? the kid replys I was on Cherry Hill....

second boy comes into class late the teacher ask why are you late the kid replys I was on Cherry Hill

a girl comes into class late the teacher says let me guess you were on Cherry Hill she says no I am Cherry Hill

[Óðinn]

One Liners:

Employee of the month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


What do you call an Irishman who keeps bouncing off of walls?......Rick O' Shea!

paddy n mick are doing a crossword paddy says to mick how you spell paint mick replies what colour.

How do you confuse an Irishman,? Put two shovels against a wall, and tell him to take his Pick...

[Óðinn]

One Liners:

Employee of the month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


What do you call an Irishman who keeps bouncing off of walls?......Rick O' Shea!

paddy n mick are doing a crossword paddy says to mick how you spell paint mick replies what colour.

How do you confuse an Irishman,? Put two shovels against a wall, and tell him to take his Pick...

[TalkSick]

Two peanuts were walking down the street.....one was a-salted....

[TalkSick]

Two peanuts were walking down the street.....one was a-salted....

Originally Posted by TalkSick

Two peanuts were walking down the street.....one was a-salted....

Punchline of the year.

Originally Posted by TalkSick

Two peanuts were walking down the street.....one was a-salted....

Punchline of the year.

[Óðinn]

@Cory Kapono yeah...i was hiding behind you when you heard it...i've been holding that one in for a while now, just seemed like the right time to use it.

---------- Post added at 06:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:20 PM ----------

lool @TalkSick

[Óðinn]

@Cory Kapono yeah...i was hiding behind you when you heard it...i've been holding that one in for a while now, just seemed like the right time to use it.

---------- Post added at 06:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:20 PM ----------

lool @TalkSick

[Fredo Lombardi]

I knew it!

[Fredo Lombardi]

I knew it!