First Topical Drop

[Wizdumb]

Never done a topical drop before and my opponent no-showed so I didnt get any feedback on this so lemme know whatchu think.



Topic: “A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.” - Albert Camus



Lately it's seems though the days are extended, blatantly endless, year upon year of pain and oppression. A pagan once raised where the vagrants were present... Now placed in a cage til I'm raised to the heavens.

‘Not guiltys’ what I plead, my fate was changed by the sentence. An aimless depression, facin rage and aggression. Maimed and defenceless. In a place where the ranks try to placate the peasants and the demons screamin out... but not an angel is present.

So for an ageless existence ive been claiming I didn’t take place in the killings that got me chained n imprisoned… but facin the end of my place in this wasteless abyss of hate n proscription I’ve made the decision to confess my regrets and explain to their children:

“Dear Joseph & Chloe… first off I just want you to know that im soulfully sorry for what the two of you were exposed to that morning. When I saw the door broken… my ears perked, mind jetting. I rejoiced at the thought that whatever I brought back to the heart of my block would probably cop the most marvelous rock stash. N that’s all it took, I was gone to plot in a hot flash.

But what played out that when I returned, I couldnt have predicted happening… I was happily snatchin all that I could grab, but I didn’t see ya daddy standin, poised behind the mantelpiece.. What I did see was his face twisted in a maddening grimace as he tackled me trynna hack n slash a piece big enough to cause a casualty…

In an instant we were grappling.. battling.. scrambling to find our footing. I did, n with a violent push I ripped the knife directly through his adams apple nd right into his spine to mute em.

That’s when I saw the wife was moving. Advancing with a rifle toolin round with the safety just long enough for me to strike n put the exact knife I used to carve up ya daddy, right into her sinus tubes then up into her eyes n pupils.
It was a travesty. I was just an addict plannin to snatch n thieve just to get some smack... and ended up actually snatchin away ya chance to have a family.
So Although I know you'll never accept it and theres nothing I could ever do to gain your respect, I just want you to know I truly regret it."


And then I sent it.


Cuz for a soul about to recede in suppression... a guilty conscience needs its confession





Drop some f/b.

[Wizdumb]

Never done a topical drop before and my opponent no-showed so I didnt get any feedback on this so lemme know whatchu think.



Topic: “A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.” - Albert Camus



Lately it's seems though the days are extended, blatantly endless, year upon year of pain and oppression. A pagan once raised where the vagrants were present... Now placed in a cage til I'm raised to the heavens.

‘Not guiltys’ what I plead, my fate was changed by the sentence. An aimless depression, facin rage and aggression. Maimed and defenceless. In a place where the ranks try to placate the peasants and the demons screamin out... but not an angel is present.

So for an ageless existence ive been claiming I didn’t take place in the killings that got me chained n imprisoned… but facin the end of my place in this wasteless abyss of hate n proscription I’ve made the decision to confess my regrets and explain to their children:

“Dear Joseph & Chloe… first off I just want you to know that im soulfully sorry for what the two of you were exposed to that morning. When I saw the door broken… my ears perked, mind jetting. I rejoiced at the thought that whatever I brought back to the heart of my block would probably cop the most marvelous rock stash. N that’s all it took, I was gone to plot in a hot flash.

But what played out that when I returned, I couldnt have predicted happening… I was happily snatchin all that I could grab, but I didn’t see ya daddy standin, poised behind the mantelpiece.. What I did see was his face twisted in a maddening grimace as he tackled me trynna hack n slash a piece big enough to cause a casualty…

In an instant we were grappling.. battling.. scrambling to find our footing. I did, n with a violent push I ripped the knife directly through his adams apple nd right into his spine to mute em.

That’s when I saw the wife was moving. Advancing with a rifle toolin round with the safety just long enough for me to strike n put the exact knife I used to carve up ya daddy, right into her sinus tubes then up into her eyes n pupils.
It was a travesty. I was just an addict plannin to snatch n thieve just to get some smack... and ended up actually snatchin away ya chance to have a family.
So Although I know you'll never accept it and theres nothing I could ever do to gain your respect, I just want you to know I truly regret it."


And then I sent it.


Cuz for a soul about to recede in suppression... a guilty conscience needs its confession





Drop some f/b.

[IAmFlow]

The piece was decent. On the good side, For the most part you had a very nice rhyme scheme and flow was flawless, I thought you slipped away from that a bit at the beginning of your confession and then got back into as it went on from there. So the wording for the most part was decent. On the other side, I thought you really only went into one part of the quote. You brought in the "a guilty conscience needs its confession" but you didn't tie in that a work of art is a confession. Its one quote as a whole, so it all had to be connected and tied into the topic itself. Make it all relevant and be creative with it. There is a battle up right now with this topic that I voted on and gave feedback too. This is a great topic to think outside of the box and be creative with.

[IAmFlow]

The piece was decent. On the good side, For the most part you had a very nice rhyme scheme and flow was flawless, I thought you slipped away from that a bit at the beginning of your confession and then got back into as it went on from there. So the wording for the most part was decent. On the other side, I thought you really only went into one part of the quote. You brought in the "a guilty conscience needs its confession" but you didn't tie in that a work of art is a confession. Its one quote as a whole, so it all had to be connected and tied into the topic itself. Make it all relevant and be creative with it. There is a battle up right now with this topic that I voted on and gave feedback too. This is a great topic to think outside of the box and be creative with.