Expo: apparel/Saks fifth Avenue/The Gap

Jacks = cops, Amadou Diallo

Noble takes it by virtue of havin a punch

Thought one presented a bar with relative correlations, and smoother wording. Ultimately leading up to a better concept- overall. Other guy changed up the rhyme scheme and the whole idea behind his bar fell flat for me. Fair is in. 

Thought one had more impact due to being more advanced. 

Gave this one to NOBLE because I thought his bar just cleaner, made more sense, and actually had a punch. I thought Saxx was building to something but then his last line took major steps back and was just a statment that was unrelated to the rest of the bar. I dunno if you counted on a no show win or something but eh. NOBLE, I do have to say though that Saxx fit have a new and saks fifth avenue is a pretty big stretch. it didn't really matter here, but IMO would have torpedoed you against a lot of competition. Anyway, NOBLE advances here. 

Noble took his one for me if it wasn't for the expo I definitely may not have voted that way because it was a bit confusing but the metaphor upon the setup was very hard.and I was confused with the other one wondering if because you broke his jaw is that what made him chinless or where did the chinless come in

The winner had the better delivery, setup and punch 

Saxxx, your opening scheme was golden, so I'm not sure why you strayed away from it and went into such a basic closer. NOBLE, conceptually your punch was nice, but it could have been executed cleaner. Vote concealed, going with who I think had a better overall bar with all things considered.

Saxx Imma need an expo on this one, cuz i must be missing something

Fidel

Expos -

Chinless Wonder is a term used for dumb noblemen

Og is the chemical name of a noble gas

One edged here because his concept was fresher and the build made it hit harder. I felt ones punch wasn't really as creative. I had to research ones bar but after doing so it made me get my winner. Keep grinding me out fellas 

On first couple reads I thought this one was one-sided. After the expos I caught a lot more correlations on both sides. Nobles bar was wild linking the NYPD killing and sax fifth and the retail stores. Then saxx dropped his expo and that noble gas cluster... yah. Way better than I had originally thought. Chinless wonder.. haha.  I'm uppin the rating on both sides and giving a vote to the guy who I felt had then better correlations.

good luck guys.

I felt like NOBLE came with a really complicated punch that didn't particularly land because the wordplay was a bit stretched and he was trying to pack too much into a bar. Saaxxx on the other hand went for a really basic punch, but only landed it a tad better despite the significant difference in complexity.

based on that, I chose my winner between a better idea with bad execution or a basic idea with mediocre execution.

I'll lean toward Noble here for a more conceptual and complex approach. Saaxx coulda concentrated more on the jaw/chin angle for a better payoff and the rhyme scheme switch at the end threw off the flow. 

Ok so I've got serious gripes with both of these bars. First off from Saxx Baba, you switched schemes in the middle of your bar which completely breaks the reader's immersion and deadens the impact of the punch, not to mention that it makes you look like an incompetent writer. Then I need to mention that the bar had 2 different obscure references. I've never heard the term Chinless wonder; apparently it's a British thing so I'll assume it's a cultural holdover from the Raj days for you, but I don't know how common the term is so I can't say I approve or disapprove of it. More problematic was the OG / oganesson thing... I'm a science nerd and I barely knew that, so good luck getting the average LB member to catch it. I've seen the Noble Gas angle done way better, too, like with Xwizit's spectacular Noble Gas / suck it up and change his tone one-bar line. So all in all this was a lackluster bar in several ways.

NOBLE, I was jarred by how you switched concepts here in a way that mirrored how TSB switched multies. First you were talking about clothing and the Gap, and then you brought up this dude who was murdered by police, with no connection between the two other than the mention of the guy having a gap (I guess you mean a bullet hole). And like "chinless wonder," I've never heard anyone refer to cops as Jacks but maybe it's a Canadian thing so I'll give you a pass on that. Also idk why you didn't capitalize the ending multi when you did capitalize the first two, but I still caught the rhyme so I won't penalize you for it. And I've got to criticize you for the obscure reference. The killing of Amadou Diallo happened like 20 years ago and as far as I can tell it isn't even a super high-profile case of police brutality compared to some other ones I'm aware of.

Overall, this was a duel of two disjointed mashes of unimpressive concepts. Sometimes when I rant about how terrible two verses are, I soften the blow by mentioning the good aspects of the verses and remind the battlers that I was just focusing on the negatives, but this battle was honestly devoid of positives for me to point out. I've got NOBLE winning because I think his bar was more readable and comprehensible but he is definitely going to have to step it up heavily if he wants to continue in this tourney. Fair's in.

Both had a really nice bar. Didn't really like that Saaxxx started another scheme after I got hyped up by the first line, but dope overall! Noble is getting my vote because that gun bar is actually pretty nice and just the better punch imo.

Wasnt a real big fan of either of these but saw what noble was doing and that definitely was enough to get the mod here.

One had the better setup and delivery and the better punch..the other had a couple schemes that kinda threw me off when I first read it but was decent tho'...

my winner took this pretty easy 

Both had obscure concepts that were hard to follow w/o the expo tbh. Going with NOBLE for rhyming all the way through, couldn't get past Saxxx's finisher, which was a Jab and had zero relation to the set-up. Fair's in folks, nice battle here.

Don't think either of these were the strongest bars put out by them. 

Both bars suffered from wording, and clarity issues.

On one end Sax's verse had two different rhyme schemes, which in theory should make a better bar, but in practice makes the bar more muddled and artificially elongated. I believe the second half of the bar when he switches to the second rhyme scheme is unnecessary. In a way, the bar contains two punchlines and no real set-up, meaning your left with two disses. This is especially evident when you look at the fact that his bar had two different concepts (OG and Chinless Wonder) which are haphazardly thrown into individual disses and combined in an effort to make a bar. I understand the attempt and though process behind "these two things both relate, their both wordplay, and both of them are good so I want to have them fit into my bar" and then deciding to use one as a set-up and the other as a punchline, but the way the bar is written makes both come across as different punchlines. 

If you had scrapped one of the two concepts and stuck with one, then tried to make it stronger by enhancing it with more wordplay and incorporate his name by actually using it in the verse, it would be more clear and concise.

The same issue is in Noble's bar. There's simply too many different wordplay concepts tied into one main concept that doesn't really work that well. The verse doesn't read well when considering all three angles, (Sax Underwear, Sax Baba, Amadou Diallo Shooting), Which removes a lot of the clarity of the bar. Although the triple entendre is rare and the use of it here is remarkable, the execution doesn't give the concept justice. 

As for rhyming, I'll break down the schemes,

Gat-Spit-Am-Mo-To

Sax-Fit-have-a-new

Jacks-Did-Am-A-Dou

Killed-And-Plun-Dered-With-Blades

Chin-less-Won-Der-In-Pain

Wack-Fuck

Gassed-Up

This brings Nobles syllable count to 15, where as Baba's is 16. 

Baba had more rhyming syllables than Noble did, although both had nearly perfect rhymes.

Concepts: Noble (9-6)

Execution: Tied (5-5)

Structure: Noble (7-5)

Rhyming: Baba (8-7)

Winner: Noble (28-23)

Good Battle Folks!

i felt like one had more punch material the other was going good but didnt finish at the end so GL guys.