2013 GC: RD2 - Dysfunctional Vs ET the Refugee (ET the Refugee wins 3-0)

Dysfunctional Vs ET the Refugee

This topical is part of the 2013 Topical Grand Championship

Rules
Verses are due Tuesday, November 26th.
Verses are to be posted in THIS thread.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Vote deductions will happen for people going over.
Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5.

Topic

Dysfunctional Vs ET the Refugee

This topical is part of the 2013 Topical Grand Championship

Rules
Verses are due Tuesday, November 26th.
Verses are to be posted in THIS thread.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Vote deductions will happen for people going over.
Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5.

Topic

[ET the Refugee]

You can tell from my scars by far i never lived a life real glamorous.
i was more concerned with spreading love like jam in grits,
smoking cannabis
and flying high through life making others feel amorous.
I would leave em as lovestruck fools- doing dirt in the street like dump trucks do.
Never had any dumb luck clues to make my own love come true
so i guess a life of solitude is what it's summed up to.
I know I'm sick and tortured because i tried to prick my own heart
but it's hard to pierce through walls put up but not of brick and mortar.
Had to question myself like, "who you living for bruh?"
"When times got hard you just kept on giving more love!"
I try to think of all of the times that i sacrificed,
It seemed sacrilegious because for love i had an insatiable appetite.
Thinking maybe i might find true love in the afterlife.
Because everything i try to love on this earth becomes bastardized.
It's ironic i was never into getting married
cause i was iconic nearly every February
but i was always putting others first my own heart was always secondary
now I'm sitting here regretting every
girl i pushed away cause i don't wanna be alone when i am dead and buried.
I guess i got a self destructive sickness although it's not lupus
i just don't know how to love but i know I'm not stupid.
Nor heartless i just kept my love locked down that way i would not lose it. thinking to myself like, "look what you got cupid."

[ET the Refugee]

You can tell from my scars by far i never lived a life real glamorous.
i was more concerned with spreading love like jam in grits,
smoking cannabis
and flying high through life making others feel amorous.
I would leave em as lovestruck fools- doing dirt in the street like dump trucks do.
Never had any dumb luck clues to make my own love come true
so i guess a life of solitude is what it's summed up to.
I know I'm sick and tortured because i tried to prick my own heart
but it's hard to pierce through walls put up but not of brick and mortar.
Had to question myself like, "who you living for bruh?"
"When times got hard you just kept on giving more love!"
I try to think of all of the times that i sacrificed,
It seemed sacrilegious because for love i had an insatiable appetite.
Thinking maybe i might find true love in the afterlife.
Because everything i try to love on this earth becomes bastardized.
It's ironic i was never into getting married
cause i was iconic nearly every February
but i was always putting others first my own heart was always secondary
now I'm sitting here regretting every
girl i pushed away cause i don't wanna be alone when i am dead and buried.
I guess i got a self destructive sickness although it's not lupus
i just don't know how to love but i know I'm not stupid.
Nor heartless i just kept my love locked down that way i would not lose it. thinking to myself like, "look what you got cupid."

[Dysfunctional]

No Space To Fly


Life Isn't as easy as fairytales say it is
You told me yesterday that you hated kids
What made you switch
From hating kids to making kids
Now my day consists
Of playing with
D.J and Kim
or Banking shit
To praise em with
I wish someday I could just live my life
I'm 18 and I day dream
About what being a kid was like
But now that time is gone and I have responsibilities.
But the life before I don't know what I want wont stop killing me.
I have to get out.
Of this emotionless drought.
Cuz being 16 with kids please!
It ain't what it's all about
One night in our bedroom
Lights off my head zooms
I'm a pint strong and my rents due
I might stop and just end soon
Cuz my lifes gone and my debts huge
And before my mind thought what the rest knew
My arm's in the next room
You think my harm is the end too?
Try scars and her neck bruised
I revved my car and left dude!
I wish I could of escaped that eternity of maternity
But people were assuring me.
That this life suits me perfectly.
Three Years later after the bedroom incident
We got divorced now another poor guy has to fix this shit
Three years ago I would have thought there was No faith alive.
Now I can't say that there's No Space To Fly

[Dysfunctional]

No Space To Fly


Life Isn't as easy as fairytales say it is
You told me yesterday that you hated kids
What made you switch
From hating kids to making kids
Now my day consists
Of playing with
D.J and Kim
or Banking shit
To praise em with
I wish someday I could just live my life
I'm 18 and I day dream
About what being a kid was like
But now that time is gone and I have responsibilities.
But the life before I don't know what I want wont stop killing me.
I have to get out.
Of this emotionless drought.
Cuz being 16 with kids please!
It ain't what it's all about
One night in our bedroom
Lights off my head zooms
I'm a pint strong and my rents due
I might stop and just end soon
Cuz my lifes gone and my debts huge
And before my mind thought what the rest knew
My arm's in the next room
You think my harm is the end too?
Try scars and her neck bruised
I revved my car and left dude!
I wish I could of escaped that eternity of maternity
But people were assuring me.
That this life suits me perfectly.
Three Years later after the bedroom incident
We got divorced now another poor guy has to fix this shit
Three years ago I would have thought there was No faith alive.
Now I can't say that there's No Space To Fly

[Babylon]

Am I allowed to vote on this?

[Babylon]

Am I allowed to vote on this?

As long as your vote is detailed and explained you're allowed to vote @Crysis

As long as your vote is detailed and explained you're allowed to vote @Crysis

[Joe MuGGz]

Dys.. I felt the story.. the emotion.. It flowed perfectly. Not to mention its some real ass shit... Your entry tells me that you focused on the background of the photo.. The angel looks to be in a room... but I feel like that aspect of the image wasnt rewarding enough.. its like all you saw was a wall and wings.. imo.. and we all know its a angel, but you struggled to connect a '16yr old who likes to fuck and now is mad cus he can't "fly" all b'cus he's stuck with kids' w/being a angel. You put yourself in a hard position. And yes, thats all I got when I finished... a '16yr old who liked to fuck and now (years later) is mad cus he can't "fly" all b'cus he's stuck with kids'.. 'and oh yea he cant fly'.. imo.. the flow was SICK.. the approach toward the topic/image wasnt executed correctly.. to me.

ET.. I liked yours alot.. You hinted to the plot a few times throughout the entry, which I like... You even had a few punches in there to salute that THIS is a rhyme.. dont get it twisted.. I liked that.. I felt like your approach was more dead on.. It explained alot.. like why he's sittin indian style with his head down.. tired of being fucked over basically... why the wings.. cus he's a angel.. but he's not just any angel.. he's cupid.. You did enough to win here... imo... The flow was a tad off at times, but not enough to matter much, being that this is a topical.. to me.. some shortcommings are more forgived for the sake of the topic..

With allll that said.. good job to both but..

MVGT: ET

[Joe MuGGz]

Dys.. I felt the story.. the emotion.. It flowed perfectly. Not to mention its some real ass shit... Your entry tells me that you focused on the background of the photo.. The angel looks to be in a room... but I feel like that aspect of the image wasnt rewarding enough.. its like all you saw was a wall and wings.. imo.. and we all know its a angel, but you struggled to connect a '16yr old who likes to fuck and now is mad cus he can't "fly" all b'cus he's stuck with kids' w/being a angel. You put yourself in a hard position. And yes, thats all I got when I finished... a '16yr old who liked to fuck and now (years later) is mad cus he can't "fly" all b'cus he's stuck with kids'.. 'and oh yea he cant fly'.. imo.. the flow was SICK.. the approach toward the topic/image wasnt executed correctly.. to me.

ET.. I liked yours alot.. You hinted to the plot a few times throughout the entry, which I like... You even had a few punches in there to salute that THIS is a rhyme.. dont get it twisted.. I liked that.. I felt like your approach was more dead on.. It explained alot.. like why he's sittin indian style with his head down.. tired of being fucked over basically... why the wings.. cus he's a angel.. but he's not just any angel.. he's cupid.. You did enough to win here... imo... The flow was a tad off at times, but not enough to matter much, being that this is a topical.. to me.. some shortcommings are more forgived for the sake of the topic..

With allll that said.. good job to both but..

MVGT: ET

[ELOH STACKz]

ET: you had a solid storyline with a main protagonist (y'all remember English lit, Lol). You stayed true to the Topic throughout the rhyme. You painted a nice picture of dudes relationship history & even gave reasons as to why shit never worked out with his bitches. I like how your character kind of changed his tune at the end. From not wanting to get married to realizing he doesn't wanna be alone for the rest of his life. Your Multi-rhymes matched up we also, overall solid drop.

Dys: your story was more confusing & at points didn't relate to the topic. If I'm reading correctly, you jumped from the husband to his Wife within a few bars without explaining the transition. So I kinda had a hard time following who you were talking about. Your rhymes were solid, the format was more poetically sound than your opponents, but I feel he did a better job in the imagery department as well as staying on topic. I agree with M U G G Z

Vote: ET The Refugee

[ELOH STACKz]

ET: you had a solid storyline with a main protagonist (y'all remember English lit, Lol). You stayed true to the Topic throughout the rhyme. You painted a nice picture of dudes relationship history & even gave reasons as to why shit never worked out with his bitches. I like how your character kind of changed his tune at the end. From not wanting to get married to realizing he doesn't wanna be alone for the rest of his life. Your Multi-rhymes matched up we also, overall solid drop.

Dys: your story was more confusing & at points didn't relate to the topic. If I'm reading correctly, you jumped from the husband to his Wife within a few bars without explaining the transition. So I kinda had a hard time following who you were talking about. Your rhymes were solid, the format was more poetically sound than your opponents, but I feel he did a better job in the imagery department as well as staying on topic. I agree with M U G G Z

Vote: ET The Refugee

ET: Solid piece. Was rather surprised. Your flow and rhyming was good. The story progressed nicely and was decent. Imagery seems to be a common element that everyone could work on more. I pictured this as a guy talking to himself. I feel like you can up your vocab though with the rhyming and the filler. A good vocab brings a lot to pieces. Good piece.

Dys: I liked your piece as well. Good flow due to short lines, but I think you made them too short. I honestly felt like you could of put a lot more into the writing of this piece. The story was good, but I think you could of worked on it a bit more. Next time, make sure you use longer lines, keeping it between 10-15 syllables is usually safe for flow. You had some lines that were longer, but a lot of short lines, I felt there was a lot of space you could of filled in.

MVGT: ET

ET: Solid piece. Was rather surprised. Your flow and rhyming was good. The story progressed nicely and was decent. Imagery seems to be a common element that everyone could work on more. I pictured this as a guy talking to himself. I feel like you can up your vocab though with the rhyming and the filler. A good vocab brings a lot to pieces. Good piece.

Dys: I liked your piece as well. Good flow due to short lines, but I think you made them too short. I honestly felt like you could of put a lot more into the writing of this piece. The story was good, but I think you could of worked on it a bit more. Next time, make sure you use longer lines, keeping it between 10-15 syllables is usually safe for flow. You had some lines that were longer, but a lot of short lines, I felt there was a lot of space you could of filled in.

MVGT: ET

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