Need feedback?.. Wanna train? I gotchu.

[Skizzo]

Figured i'd post something to help out the community a bit while Im here sooo...


If you have a verse, post it. Any questions about bars or concepts, or anything in my tutorials? Feel free to ask.



Serious inquiries only, dont fuck this up with the trolling. And Dont post links.. Unless its with the verses. And no open battles. Thats all the rules I can think of lol.



Have at it yall.

[Skizzo]

Figured i'd post something to help out the community a bit while Im here sooo...


If you have a verse, post it. Any questions about bars or concepts, or anything in my tutorials? Feel free to ask.



Serious inquiries only, dont fuck this up with the trolling. And Dont post links.. Unless its with the verses. And no open battles. Thats all the rules I can think of lol.



Have at it yall.

[Shodan]

Still can't spell for shit, you should sign up for WRITING CLASSES INSTANTLY, That's "Been A Drill For Rai" like TRYING ANTIHISTAMINES (Benadryl Foray) / Plus you don't succeed with girls, your lack of LOVE WILL NEVER IMPROVE, even in online dating there will be NOTHING EVER FOR YOU If you're "Hooked up with a machine" it's JUST A MEDICAL TUBE!! / Tryna silence me?? He’d have “No-Body-Shut-Up, In These Boards” in a CANNIBAL’S CELLAR And if his “flips get his pieces crowned” he's a MASTER OF CHECKERS! Since he wouldn’t “Have A Fire-Tale With A Hook” unless this MAN IS THE DEVIL? “I’ll put out lead if he’s pushing it” like meCHANICAL PENCILS!! // So if you’ve “got the spine to stick your neck out” I’ll put your “BACK IN A STRETCHER” with “More devices that can make you fly” than NASA COLLECTORS, then “When You're Smoked? We Couldn’t Measure How High You'll Get” as CANNABIS TESTERS!! That's a "Fact-To-Remember" without WORKERS IN PRODUCTION PLANTS!! Violence? If there's "A Made Man In His Company" he's the boss of SERVANTS WITH A BUTLER'S TASKS, Couldn't "Keep A Cold Piece Ready To Go" without preSERVATIVES AMONGST HIS SNACKS!! / & you might think I'm joking but it's NO MATTER cause "All my paper is backed by metal" like the GOLD STANDARD!!! / The Fire Nation

https://www.letsbeef.com/tournament_...235&section=tb

[Shodan]

Still can't spell for shit, you should sign up for WRITING CLASSES INSTANTLY, That's "Been A Drill For Rai" like TRYING ANTIHISTAMINES (Benadryl Foray) / Plus you don't succeed with girls, your lack of LOVE WILL NEVER IMPROVE, even in online dating there will be NOTHING EVER FOR YOU If you're "Hooked up with a machine" it's JUST A MEDICAL TUBE!! / Tryna silence me?? He’d have “No-Body-Shut-Up, In These Boards” in a CANNIBAL’S CELLAR And if his “flips get his pieces crowned” he's a MASTER OF CHECKERS! Since he wouldn’t “Have A Fire-Tale With A Hook” unless this MAN IS THE DEVIL? “I’ll put out lead if he’s pushing it” like meCHANICAL PENCILS!! // So if you’ve “got the spine to stick your neck out” I’ll put your “BACK IN A STRETCHER” with “More devices that can make you fly” than NASA COLLECTORS, then “When You're Smoked? We Couldn’t Measure How High You'll Get” as CANNABIS TESTERS!! That's a "Fact-To-Remember" without WORKERS IN PRODUCTION PLANTS!! Violence? If there's "A Made Man In His Company" he's the boss of SERVANTS WITH A BUTLER'S TASKS, Couldn't "Keep A Cold Piece Ready To Go" without preSERVATIVES AMONGST HIS SNACKS!! / & you might think I'm joking but it's NO MATTER cause "All my paper is backed by metal" like the GOLD STANDARD!!! / The Fire Nation

https://www.letsbeef.com/tournament_...235&section=tb

[Skizzo]

Ok @Shodan, thanks for showing up bro, first of all. Let me give ya some advice on that piece..


You have a great handle of concepts, your multis match quite nicely, and your setups are clean enough to make your hits land. In my opinion though.. You should try working on making your verse more fluent by incorporating better wording.


Right now, you have a structure that is all over the place. And id like to show you a few places that could be fixed with better wording leading into your concepts..


In your first line, you have a structure of one setup, leading into the punchline that ends the bar out.

Example:

Still can't spell for shit, you should sign up for WRITING CLASSES INSTANTLY, That's "Been A Drill For Rai" like TRYING ANTIHISTAMINES/


The oronym been a drill / benadryl works well, but in the very next line.. You structure the next bar completely differently



Example:
Plus you don't succeed with girls, your lack of LOVE WILL NEVER IMPROVE, even in online dating there will be NOTHING EVER FOR YOU If you're "Hooked up with a machine" it's JUST A MEDICAL TUBE!!/


In this bar, your wording in the last line doesnt flow along to the previous structure, which throws your flow off completely. If youre going to do a one line then one concept bar, the following bar either has to flow along with that structure, or provide an inner multi transitioning to the next multi so that itll flow. You go from 2 lines following a multi, with a setup then punchline structure.. And follow that with a 3 line concept idea (which is an uneven amount of lines) on an entirely different multi.


Also.. The fact that the concept is only three lines, makes the entire concept seem rushed to get to the point of the punchline concept.




So, in short.. I think your main problem that is weighing your concepts down a lot is your poor structure, and your inconsistency with much needed setups leading to your finishing concepts.

[Skizzo]

Ok @Shodan, thanks for showing up bro, first of all. Let me give ya some advice on that piece..


You have a great handle of concepts, your multis match quite nicely, and your setups are clean enough to make your hits land. In my opinion though.. You should try working on making your verse more fluent by incorporating better wording.


Right now, you have a structure that is all over the place. And id like to show you a few places that could be fixed with better wording leading into your concepts..


In your first line, you have a structure of one setup, leading into the punchline that ends the bar out.

Example:

Still can't spell for shit, you should sign up for WRITING CLASSES INSTANTLY, That's "Been A Drill For Rai" like TRYING ANTIHISTAMINES/


The oronym been a drill / benadryl works well, but in the very next line.. You structure the next bar completely differently



Example:
Plus you don't succeed with girls, your lack of LOVE WILL NEVER IMPROVE, even in online dating there will be NOTHING EVER FOR YOU If you're "Hooked up with a machine" it's JUST A MEDICAL TUBE!!/


In this bar, your wording in the last line doesnt flow along to the previous structure, which throws your flow off completely. If youre going to do a one line then one concept bar, the following bar either has to flow along with that structure, or provide an inner multi transitioning to the next multi so that itll flow. You go from 2 lines following a multi, with a setup then punchline structure.. And follow that with a 3 line concept idea (which is an uneven amount of lines) on an entirely different multi.


Also.. The fact that the concept is only three lines, makes the entire concept seem rushed to get to the point of the punchline concept.




So, in short.. I think your main problem that is weighing your concepts down a lot is your poor structure, and your inconsistency with much needed setups leading to your finishing concepts.

Round 3 I'm about to kill this fucker again. Ya bars ain't even hot, dawg u a scrub with the pen.* So imma always be on top in (toppin) this beef like relish, u need to catch up 'for u can muster a win ! U gon need some mass avail to recover from this massive L. That "freestyle" was sad as hell. I was like "I feel bad for son, he gotta extra chrome in his genes and no I don't mean he packs a gun" !
I'm clearly no heavyweight. Just looking for some advice

Round 3 I'm about to kill this fucker again. Ya bars ain't even hot, dawg u a scrub with the pen.* So imma always be on top in (toppin) this beef like relish, u need to catch up 'for u can muster a win ! U gon need some mass avail to recover from this massive L. That "freestyle" was sad as hell. I was like "I feel bad for son, he gotta extra chrome in his genes and no I don't mean he packs a gun" !
I'm clearly no heavyweight. Just looking for some advice

[Skizzo]

Cant really tell if that was trolling or not..


In case it wasnt though...
@Joeyy

https://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=142371

https://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=142323



Both of my tutorials. Should help out a lot. If you have any questions.. Feel free to ask me them here after you read that bro.

[Skizzo]

Cant really tell if that was trolling or not..


In case it wasnt though...
@Joeyy

https://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=142371

https://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=142323



Both of my tutorials. Should help out a lot. If you have any questions.. Feel free to ask me them here after you read that bro.

In the Concept finals you weren't eQUIPPED FOR HATTAN'S STRONG JABS & would only "Sky Rocket Off Of Those Ideas" when a "MISSLE BLAST IS ON LAND" coz we've seen "More New Clear Evidence" than detective's QUICK TO SNATCH THE WRONG MAN!! In other words: the "Manhattan Project Was Unsuccessful", coz "you DIDN'T HAVE A BOMB PLAN"!!!!!/[Nuclear] Goddamn!! "You Showed Your Nasty Side", like your MOM AT YOUR AUNT'S HOUSE & "Got Shanked For That Shit Talk". A rusty SAW TO YOUR DAMN MOUTH! turned the other cheek- STOMPED WHEN YOU "CRAPPED OUT" Couldn't "Drop Fly On The Spot", & got "CAUGHT w/YOUR PANTS DOWN"!!!/ Your "Sequences Are A Guessing Game", Got voters "THINKING" YOU'VE GOT PUNS so when I throw a "Rough Calculation Of Your Value"?? It'll TEACH YOU TO PAWN STUFF!! I'lI take you to school, grab your SEAT ON THE LONG BUS! "Underestimate Me? I'll Do A Number On You", just to "EVEN THE ODDS UP"!!!/ You get more extensions in your favor than HOE'S ON GNARLY STRIPS IN VEGAS So I've Been "Snoozing On Your Pad" before they SOLD THE BARBIE CRIB ARRANGEMENTS!! Excuses are like assholes. THOUGH THE FARTING IS CONTAGIOUS Meaning: If you "Walk In Late To Get This Work"?, it's "NO ALARMING SITUATION"!!/

Vs Bleu.

http://www.letsbeef.com/tournament_b...244&section=tb

In the Concept finals you weren't eQUIPPED FOR HATTAN'S STRONG JABS & would only "Sky Rocket Off Of Those Ideas" when a "MISSLE BLAST IS ON LAND" coz we've seen "More New Clear Evidence" than detective's QUICK TO SNATCH THE WRONG MAN!! In other words: the "Manhattan Project Was Unsuccessful", coz "you DIDN'T HAVE A BOMB PLAN"!!!!!/[Nuclear] Goddamn!! "You Showed Your Nasty Side", like your MOM AT YOUR AUNT'S HOUSE & "Got Shanked For That Shit Talk". A rusty SAW TO YOUR DAMN MOUTH! turned the other cheek- STOMPED WHEN YOU "CRAPPED OUT" Couldn't "Drop Fly On The Spot", & got "CAUGHT w/YOUR PANTS DOWN"!!!/ Your "Sequences Are A Guessing Game", Got voters "THINKING" YOU'VE GOT PUNS so when I throw a "Rough Calculation Of Your Value"?? It'll TEACH YOU TO PAWN STUFF!! I'lI take you to school, grab your SEAT ON THE LONG BUS! "Underestimate Me? I'll Do A Number On You", just to "EVEN THE ODDS UP"!!!/ You get more extensions in your favor than HOE'S ON GNARLY STRIPS IN VEGAS So I've Been "Snoozing On Your Pad" before they SOLD THE BARBIE CRIB ARRANGEMENTS!! Excuses are like assholes. THOUGH THE FARTING IS CONTAGIOUS Meaning: If you "Walk In Late To Get This Work"?, it's "NO ALARMING SITUATION"!!/

Vs Bleu.

http://www.letsbeef.com/tournament_b...244&section=tb

[Skizzo]

@Rai, you had some extremely great concept ideas, mixed with some good personals and showed a really good use of oronyms, multis and setups.

The problem that I noticed in that verse, is that the longer the verse went, the more simplistic the concepts became. You came out pretty strong concept wise and even though the manhattan / bomb concept is played here on lb, I still appreciated the fresh flip of it being a personal.

But right after that initial back to back haymaker style, you started making basic concept connections in your setups.. Like shanked for that shit talk. And rusty saw to ya damn mouth. That connection is way too simplistic and weighed down the setup of the bar. You brought it right back with the caught with your pants down concept and closed the bar off extremely well with that hard hitting concept.. But then the entire next bar about evening the odds up concept was extremely played. You also wasted the seat on the long bus multi because i feel that you could have made that a much muuuch harder concept with a better wordplay setup that would have turned that setup into a haymaker instead of just using a take you to school concept. And the finisher to that verse was lackluster in itself. It wasnt a bad concept, but it wasnt anything amazing that stood out either.


I read the battle though and honestly.. Its one of those things I scratch my head at when reading battles. I would have personally voted for you after reading both verses. But I guess im just one mans opinion.


I think you should work on trying to keep that same intensity you had in the first bar and try to lengthen that type of concept strength and back to back hits mixed with personals throughout your entire verse, and make sure that your opening and closing bars are your hardest hits in the whole verse. Because both of those bars are extremely important to the lasting impression you leave on the voters bro.

[Skizzo]

@Rai, you had some extremely great concept ideas, mixed with some good personals and showed a really good use of oronyms, multis and setups.

The problem that I noticed in that verse, is that the longer the verse went, the more simplistic the concepts became. You came out pretty strong concept wise and even though the manhattan / bomb concept is played here on lb, I still appreciated the fresh flip of it being a personal.

But right after that initial back to back haymaker style, you started making basic concept connections in your setups.. Like shanked for that shit talk. And rusty saw to ya damn mouth. That connection is way too simplistic and weighed down the setup of the bar. You brought it right back with the caught with your pants down concept and closed the bar off extremely well with that hard hitting concept.. But then the entire next bar about evening the odds up concept was extremely played. You also wasted the seat on the long bus multi because i feel that you could have made that a much muuuch harder concept with a better wordplay setup that would have turned that setup into a haymaker instead of just using a take you to school concept. And the finisher to that verse was lackluster in itself. It wasnt a bad concept, but it wasnt anything amazing that stood out either.


I read the battle though and honestly.. Its one of those things I scratch my head at when reading battles. I would have personally voted for you after reading both verses. But I guess im just one mans opinion.


I think you should work on trying to keep that same intensity you had in the first bar and try to lengthen that type of concept strength and back to back hits mixed with personals throughout your entire verse, and make sure that your opening and closing bars are your hardest hits in the whole verse. Because both of those bars are extremely important to the lasting impression you leave on the voters bro.

Thanks for the feed, dude. Doing nothing but elevating. So I'll take heed.

Thanks for the feed, dude. Doing nothing but elevating. So I'll take heed.

[Skizzo]

Of course bro, im here to help if I can. Youre dope af and got some really heavy hits. If you adopt that first bar you had up theres style and run with it.. Youll be mopping top tiers.

[Skizzo]

Of course bro, im here to help if I can. Youre dope af and got some really heavy hits. If you adopt that first bar you had up theres style and run with it.. Youll be mopping top tiers.

He says he's depressed, we ALL JUST IGNORE HIM. He say's a mess, it's NOT AS IMPORTANT. No friends or family, his MAMMA ABHORS HIM. She regrets it massively, should have GOT AN ABORTION. His care and attention are NOT IN PROPORTION so he could LEAP IN A NOOSE but even the BEAMS IN HIS ROOF wouldn't WANNA SUPPORT HIM! His attempt at death was really FUCKED WHEN THE KNOT BROKE; he only watches wrestling cause they JUMP FROM THE TOP ROPE! You see his picture? Man IT WAS PRICELESS; the blood in his SINK IMPLIES THAT he hurt himself like some SCHITZO TYRANT. When it was exposed, he was BLUSHING INDEED; said he was BRUSHING HIS TEETH, does he THINK WE BUY THIS? "Oh no, I've got GINGIVITIS! Quick, I better send NICK A PRIVATE"! This kid is lying about his multiple jobs, the SHIT'S STALE AND ASININE a forensic analyst? A wrestling booker? The KID SHAPES HIS PARADIGM to FIT TALES AND PANTOMIMES and has more deceit behind his occupations than ISRAEL IN PALESTINE! With so many BLATANT STUPID LIES I'm thinking that RANT SHOULD be seen as more than a FAT DUDE contemPLATING SUICIDE! With food he'll KEEP HURTING HIS BIG INTESTINE till HE'S MURDERED WITH INDIGESTION. He blames his weight on his mindstate and his prevalent METHOD IS to sit with his THERAPIST, like "I FEEL WORSER WITH EVERY SESSION and beLIEVE FURTHER THAT IT'S DEPRESSION" but his shrink doc said "Sir, in your Ink Blot test; you answered 'CHEESEBURGER' TO EVERY QUESTION"! I guess I understand why the man is such MENTAL FUCKWIT; he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders....CHEST AND STOMACH! Now it's OBVIOUS GUY IS GREEDY scoffing CHOC'LATE AND BUYING SWEETIES. I know he's WANTING TO TRY AND BEAT ME but guy SHOULDN'T BE BRAVE; already got his FOOT IN THE GRAVE....LOST IT TO DIABETES! How do you shop? It must HELL TO DRESS SMART when you can't TELL DEPRESSED SCARS from the WEALTH OF STRETCH MARKS! And because of all this, this SELDOM SEEN FAKER needs HELP TO BEAT HATERS! No doubt, it's Revan; the FELLA HE FAVOURS so when you see Rant always following RULE its not reBELLIOUS TEENAGERS!




Last thing I wrote. Just since you likely don't get the gingivitis line, Rant sent Nicholas a picture of his sink full of blood to show "problems". When he was called out on it in the forums, he said it was just because his gums were bleeding.

He says he's depressed, we ALL JUST IGNORE HIM. He say's a mess, it's NOT AS IMPORTANT. No friends or family, his MAMMA ABHORS HIM. She regrets it massively, should have GOT AN ABORTION. His care and attention are NOT IN PROPORTION so he could LEAP IN A NOOSE but even the BEAMS IN HIS ROOF wouldn't WANNA SUPPORT HIM! His attempt at death was really FUCKED WHEN THE KNOT BROKE; he only watches wrestling cause they JUMP FROM THE TOP ROPE! You see his picture? Man IT WAS PRICELESS; the blood in his SINK IMPLIES THAT he hurt himself like some SCHITZO TYRANT. When it was exposed, he was BLUSHING INDEED; said he was BRUSHING HIS TEETH, does he THINK WE BUY THIS? "Oh no, I've got GINGIVITIS! Quick, I better send NICK A PRIVATE"! This kid is lying about his multiple jobs, the SHIT'S STALE AND ASININE a forensic analyst? A wrestling booker? The KID SHAPES HIS PARADIGM to FIT TALES AND PANTOMIMES and has more deceit behind his occupations than ISRAEL IN PALESTINE! With so many BLATANT STUPID LIES I'm thinking that RANT SHOULD be seen as more than a FAT DUDE contemPLATING SUICIDE! With food he'll KEEP HURTING HIS BIG INTESTINE till HE'S MURDERED WITH INDIGESTION. He blames his weight on his mindstate and his prevalent METHOD IS to sit with his THERAPIST, like "I FEEL WORSER WITH EVERY SESSION and beLIEVE FURTHER THAT IT'S DEPRESSION" but his shrink doc said "Sir, in your Ink Blot test; you answered 'CHEESEBURGER' TO EVERY QUESTION"! I guess I understand why the man is such MENTAL FUCKWIT; he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders....CHEST AND STOMACH! Now it's OBVIOUS GUY IS GREEDY scoffing CHOC'LATE AND BUYING SWEETIES. I know he's WANTING TO TRY AND BEAT ME but guy SHOULDN'T BE BRAVE; already got his FOOT IN THE GRAVE....LOST IT TO DIABETES! How do you shop? It must HELL TO DRESS SMART when you can't TELL DEPRESSED SCARS from the WEALTH OF STRETCH MARKS! And because of all this, this SELDOM SEEN FAKER needs HELP TO BEAT HATERS! No doubt, it's Revan; the FELLA HE FAVOURS so when you see Rant always following RULE its not reBELLIOUS TEENAGERS!




Last thing I wrote. Just since you likely don't get the gingivitis line, Rant sent Nicholas a picture of his sink full of blood to show "problems". When he was called out on it in the forums, he said it was just because his gums were bleeding.