Intricate Skillz vs Unyqe

[IV]

Intricate Skillz vs Unyqe

House rules apply. Any questions, contact me.

Check in are due Saturday (18.02.12) at 11.59PM EST
Verses are due Monday (20.02.12) at 11.59PM EST

Line length; 20-60 lines
3-0 K.O or first to 5 votes

Voting Rubix
Rhyming Scheme/Flow
Vocabulary
Topic/Meaning
Storytelling/Progression
Emotion
Imagery
Poetic Techniques
Ending

[IV]

Intricate Skillz vs Unyqe

House rules apply. Any questions, contact me.

Check in are due Saturday (18.02.12) at 11.59PM EST
Verses are due Monday (20.02.12) at 11.59PM EST

Line length; 20-60 lines
3-0 K.O or first to 5 votes

Voting Rubix
Rhyming Scheme/Flow
Vocabulary
Topic/Meaning
Storytelling/Progression
Emotion
Imagery
Poetic Techniques
Ending

[ozark]

Check mate- gl unyqe- great pic verity

[ozark]

Check mate- gl unyqe- great pic verity

[B U R D E N]

this should be dope

[B U R D E N]

this should be dope

[Letum]

Ckeck in Check - Good luck to you too Skillz- lets make it a good one

[Letum]

Ckeck in Check - Good luck to you too Skillz- lets make it a good one

[ozark]

Yesss sirrr, imma start on this one, bein as famine didnt check in to the other...

[ozark]

Yesss sirrr, imma start on this one, bein as famine didnt check in to the other...

[Letum]

aiight imma post tonight

[Letum]

aiight imma post tonight

[IV]

Okay. Don't make this a waste of time.

[IV]

Okay. Don't make this a waste of time.

[ozark]

2-WAY JOURNEY:

Sept.23, Its mail day, just a week left in tha war zone,
Tryna find the words to express thanx, for yalls support in a card home,
See, its hard to concentrate, with gun fire an nukes blowin,
These tear drops letcha know, i cant wait to hold my son higher, wit truth showin,
Dont ever take for granted your tranquil life, cuz This damn place is chaos,*
After you spend a year in hell, life becomes a cell, wit lines markin the days off,
Thinkin bout all my brothers past, in smothered blasts, im heartin the braves lost,
I kneel in prayer, infront the fallen soldiers wit graves crossed.
But enough with the tales,To my wife, i send my deepest love,
Without u by my side, i'm the weakest clutz,
I'll turn this world to shambles, searchin for your sweetest touch,
To my son, just know that daddy misses an loves you,
And i cant wait to get home, to kiss and hug you.
I have to go now, they just sounded the horn,
I'll be home on the 1st, my plane should be grounded at dawn.

BACK HOME:

Aug.1st-I wake up, and i'm so glad its the first,
I call mommy, and find my number 1 dad shirt,
Everythings a rush, mom, can we leave, lord please,
Honey! we will, as soon as i find the car keys,
We turn off the block, and wait for a red light,*
Its almost dawn mom, soon u wont need your head lights,
Almost there, but traffic is jammed pack,
Hurry up people, im gettin late, im ready to see my damn dad,
I can almost see the runway, as the crowds flock,
Now the planes touching down, the tires squeel with a loud shock,*
They open the doors, as soldiers start raceing out,*
We make our way to the front, i can feel my heart racing now,
I know as soon as he steps out, i'll hurry n chase him,
But the last man comes down, and a boy and girl run to embrace him,
Mom, wheres dad, is he not coming home,*
Then the back of the plane opens, maybe theres hope,
I see men in uniform, walkin slowly towards me,*
Tears form, is that him, now the tears turn to pouring,
I cant breathe, as a flag draped coffin exits the plane,*
Theres a picture of my dad on the casket, with a letter next to the frame-

---------- Post added at 10:48 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:46 PM ----------

I had to re write the whole thing, its not wat i had exactly, same concept- i accidently cut my verse when i tried to copy it lol- GL unyqe

[ozark]

2-WAY JOURNEY:

Sept.23, Its mail day, just a week left in tha war zone,
Tryna find the words to express thanx, for yalls support in a card home,
See, its hard to concentrate, with gun fire an nukes blowin,
These tear drops letcha know, i cant wait to hold my son higher, wit truth showin,
Dont ever take for granted your tranquil life, cuz This damn place is chaos,*
After you spend a year in hell, life becomes a cell, wit lines markin the days off,
Thinkin bout all my brothers past, in smothered blasts, im heartin the braves lost,
I kneel in prayer, infront the fallen soldiers wit graves crossed.
But enough with the tales,To my wife, i send my deepest love,
Without u by my side, i'm the weakest clutz,
I'll turn this world to shambles, searchin for your sweetest touch,
To my son, just know that daddy misses an loves you,
And i cant wait to get home, to kiss and hug you.
I have to go now, they just sounded the horn,
I'll be home on the 1st, my plane should be grounded at dawn.

BACK HOME:

Aug.1st-I wake up, and i'm so glad its the first,
I call mommy, and find my number 1 dad shirt,
Everythings a rush, mom, can we leave, lord please,
Honey! we will, as soon as i find the car keys,
We turn off the block, and wait for a red light,*
Its almost dawn mom, soon u wont need your head lights,
Almost there, but traffic is jammed pack,
Hurry up people, im gettin late, im ready to see my damn dad,
I can almost see the runway, as the crowds flock,
Now the planes touching down, the tires squeel with a loud shock,*
They open the doors, as soldiers start raceing out,*
We make our way to the front, i can feel my heart racing now,
I know as soon as he steps out, i'll hurry n chase him,
But the last man comes down, and a boy and girl run to embrace him,
Mom, wheres dad, is he not coming home,*
Then the back of the plane opens, maybe theres hope,
I see men in uniform, walkin slowly towards me,*
Tears form, is that him, now the tears turn to pouring,
I cant breathe, as a flag draped coffin exits the plane,*
Theres a picture of my dad on the casket, with a letter next to the frame-

---------- Post added at 10:48 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:46 PM ----------

I had to re write the whole thing, its not wat i had exactly, same concept- i accidently cut my verse when i tried to copy it lol- GL unyqe

[Letum]

A man on strange soil laces military boots, the same boots he wore the day before when he had to kill a couple troops.. The two warriors lifes are easily taken, but the life of thier family makes it tough to lace those boots when he's really shaken.. His enemy's death is easily put to rest. but the family of those men has him shook more than he'd really guessed.. After visions of livin his whole life with this on his brain, he gathers one duffle bag and gets on a plane.. He was a gangster before the war but had never seen so much rounds, his thoughts imprisoned him with a feeling that the plane would never touch down.. He wipes his eyes as the pain escapes from the peep's that hes killed, hes gonna loose it quick but just then it's the screech of the wheels.. He was home but still had the thoughts of the lifes of women and children that had fallen with his gun at a farm, but he knows he would do it all over as soon as his son's in his arms..

---------- Post added at 12:17 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:15 AM ----------

yeah sorry for takin so long- been crazy- good luck to you as well Skillz

[Letum]

A man on strange soil laces military boots, the same boots he wore the day before when he had to kill a couple troops.. The two warriors lifes are easily taken, but the life of thier family makes it tough to lace those boots when he's really shaken.. His enemy's death is easily put to rest. but the family of those men has him shook more than he'd really guessed.. After visions of livin his whole life with this on his brain, he gathers one duffle bag and gets on a plane.. He was a gangster before the war but had never seen so much rounds, his thoughts imprisoned him with a feeling that the plane would never touch down.. He wipes his eyes as the pain escapes from the peep's that hes killed, hes gonna loose it quick but just then it's the screech of the wheels.. He was home but still had the thoughts of the lifes of women and children that had fallen with his gun at a farm, but he knows he would do it all over as soon as his son's in his arms..

---------- Post added at 12:17 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:15 AM ----------

yeah sorry for takin so long- been crazy- good luck to you as well Skillz

[IV]

Just checking in to let you know I have read this, I've taken some notes down and got some feedback for you both. Right now I'm in bed on my phone as I'm sick. Hopefully I'll be able to leave proper feedback tomorrow. Good job!

[IV]

Just checking in to let you know I have read this, I've taken some notes down and got some feedback for you both. Right now I'm in bed on my phone as I'm sick. Hopefully I'll be able to leave proper feedback tomorrow. Good job!