You've got something to write about, content in mind, you're just being held back by your ability to adequately execute a concept lyrically. I hold the belief that you should never settle at one/two syllable rhymes even if you're being punch-heavy or trying to get a Cypher concept across and are not necessarily focusing on rhyming *too* much. It just takes away from the creative impact in how basic it comes off.
I'm criticizing this piece purely from a format and structure standpoint, your ability to rhyme and creatively play with words should be used as the skeletal frame of your content. A foundation to build up from, it's almost like you started from the roof and worked down. Your content is fine, even seems like you've got a lot to say, you're just not backing up your content with many impactful creative writing skills other than imagery
Good cypher, keep writing & asking for feedback
Last edited by Babylon; 06-25-2017 at 03:04 PM.
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Can I get feedback on a cypher please
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