::..Rupt Rates You..::

[Shodan]

@Erupt vs @DaDDiO 32 liner make it happen

[Shodan]

@Erupt vs @DaDDiO 32 liner make it happen

[Phracture]

@Erupt ... peep that

vs. Obey

Who the fuck brung LASSE TO DOG FIGHT? He couldn't keep “grounded” wearing sneakers with the SHABBY LACROSSE SPIKES I'm Psycho!, the HAPPY FOR WAR TYPE But thinkin you're “Nuts, Get a grip” you'd rather ASK ME TO COUGH TWICE!....*He's on letsbeef all day!, Eyes red, dry mouth, Parched in a bliss. Tryna give out “rap advice” but ain't Harsh with the spits, *funny how “Bey a net buffer” But'll never be Sharp with the Tips! (bayonet)*<-- while Punches i THROW ERASE TEAMS, & I figured since O's “thinking, Caps Off” I'd kill him with a*LOWER CASE SCHEME!. *Rap skills? i SHOWED YOU THE BASICS... then the way you “Called it quits” it seemed PHONE BOOTH RELATED Them “Ciao lines” was enough to rival SOUL FOOD ARRANGEMENTS! (chow) ... O, we KNOW YOU ASHAMED WITH the fact your “Crafts missing!” But even FOLKS WHO's MALAYSIAN would HOPE YOU EMBRACE IT!!!/*I stayed with him & his MOTHER IN JUNE, So i know 1st hand, that he ain't around GUNs AND THE GOONS, it's lies-brother, Only “rap sheet” he got is that “hip hop blanket” he *hides-under when I'd COME IN THE ROOM!!.*Now he acts bigheaded but comes DULL IN MANY CLASHES?, I don't care if his SKULL IS VERY MASSIVE.. I repo-Ego's and “Beys'll get cut down to size” with out CULINARY CLASSES!. (Basil)

[Phracture]

@Erupt ... peep that

vs. Obey

Who the fuck brung LASSE TO DOG FIGHT? He couldn't keep “grounded” wearing sneakers with the SHABBY LACROSSE SPIKES I'm Psycho!, the HAPPY FOR WAR TYPE But thinkin you're “Nuts, Get a grip” you'd rather ASK ME TO COUGH TWICE!....*He's on letsbeef all day!, Eyes red, dry mouth, Parched in a bliss. Tryna give out “rap advice” but ain't Harsh with the spits, *funny how “Bey a net buffer” But'll never be Sharp with the Tips! (bayonet)*<-- while Punches i THROW ERASE TEAMS, & I figured since O's “thinking, Caps Off” I'd kill him with a*LOWER CASE SCHEME!. *Rap skills? i SHOWED YOU THE BASICS... then the way you “Called it quits” it seemed PHONE BOOTH RELATED Them “Ciao lines” was enough to rival SOUL FOOD ARRANGEMENTS! (chow) ... O, we KNOW YOU ASHAMED WITH the fact your “Crafts missing!” But even FOLKS WHO's MALAYSIAN would HOPE YOU EMBRACE IT!!!/*I stayed with him & his MOTHER IN JUNE, So i know 1st hand, that he ain't around GUNs AND THE GOONS, it's lies-brother, Only “rap sheet” he got is that “hip hop blanket” he *hides-under when I'd COME IN THE ROOM!!.*Now he acts bigheaded but comes DULL IN MANY CLASHES?, I don't care if his SKULL IS VERY MASSIVE.. I repo-Ego's and “Beys'll get cut down to size” with out CULINARY CLASSES!. (Basil)

[Erupt da Monsta]

Ait... Thats enough people posted for now.. Noone else post till I finish rating all these. Good shit yall.

[Erupt da Monsta]

Ait... Thats enough people posted for now.. Noone else post till I finish rating all these. Good shit yall.

@Erupt, Maybe you should get a guest rater, similar to what you did in the rap school with Phroxen. This would speed things up a lil bit.

Idk Somebody like @remarK or @ILLoKWENT

@Erupt, Maybe you should get a guest rater, similar to what you did in the rap school with Phroxen. This would speed things up a lil bit.

Idk Somebody like @remarK or @ILLoKWENT

[Erupt da Monsta]

@Enfinite

Bulls vs Legion has gone 'Nuclear', two MAD FACTION'S ON DECK WHO'S RUNNIN' THE GAME, Manny left the bulls for LoD in Illy 4 and that 'MANHATTAN PROJECT' BLEW UP IN THEIR FACE! (this was a nice personal bar, creativity was there but it was missing something for max punch impact.. The long multi sets are ok, but in this case you had 10 syllables and could come off as a hard read... I would have shortened the multi set syllable length and added another multi set for max impact.. also the concept could have been flipped a little to add to the creativity.. The concept was cool tho) The debate was can aC'S HANG WITH THE BUSINESS and BEAT BANKS AND HIS MINIONS? They 'looked hot but faded as we closed in' like 'HEAT WAVES' IN THE DISTANCE! ( another personal bar here.. actually hit decently.. again could have been flipped to add more creativity.. maybe thougt a lil harder on how to flip the concept, if you dont know what i mean by flip holla at me n ill explain in more detail.. If you listen to live battles you will understand multi placement a little better. You would have had one more multi set after BANKS AND HIS MINIONS to create that build up to make the punch hit harder) Manny and I never battled so we're MAKING A BET, WHO'S THE WORST? I could 'freestyle' and 'take it off the top' w/o FACING 'EXECUTIONERS' or 'SHAVING HIS HEAD THROUGH THE PERM! ( wasnt feeling this concept here was a lil played but i did like the double concept/multi set FACING EXECUTIONERS SHAVING HIS HEAD THROUGH THE PERM.. i think if you focus on these type of punches you will do more damage conceptually) He believe's he's a 'SAINT' N SAYS HIS BOOTH'S A 'CHURCH' so if he 'spits with a devil inside him'? It's not that 'SATAN'S' BLED INTO HIS WORK but GAVE QUICK 'HEAD' TO 'LUCIFER'! ( the way his was worded was weird.. the concept itself didnt hit cus it was a stretch like gave head to lucifer.. kind of unrealistic so it was a stretch.. also really simple.. you did have the double multi set tho again so that was a good look just came off a little meh) So LoD's BANGIN TECHS TO SHOOT THE BULLS? Nah they GANGSTA'S SET TO DO A 'ROLE' so when they 'act hard' they'd only 'STAGE' A DEATH AND FUNERAL! (the acting/stage concept is very played here.. also needed another multi set or a punch after GANGSATAS SET TO DO A ROLE for max punch impact.. I can give you an example of multi placement if you want) You talk bout' 'girls in gats' in songs like you'd BUST A HEATER TO IT but it sounds like LUSTFUL 'TEENS WITH TUNES', THAT threaten "In My World: I'd tell you one time".....queue the 'JUSTIN BIEBER' MUSIC! (this was very weak imo.. the concept itself just wasnt concrete.. also you didnt need the "..." the concept wasnt an awe concept if you eel me) You aren't a Man, you're a chick I wish WE'D 'BOMB' HER WORLD HARDER! (this multi set reads akward.. It comes off as forced) So to be 'Heroes, She must be destroyed in battle' no RESPONSE FROM 'PEARL HARBOR'! (So to be Hiroshima's, be destroyed in battle) (this was the most creative bar you had... I like the concept but I'm not a fan of the long winded wordplay... it can come off as conceptually forced but in this case it was decent.. The no RESPONSE FROM PEARL HARBOR multi set didnt add to the punch impact tho because of how it was worded.. it didnt read smoothly like.. so to be hiroshimas, be destroyed in battle.. it doesnt read right both ways if that makes sense)

Punches- 6 .. i think if you worked on multi placement a little more with ETH your punches would hit a little harder.. Overall they were quite simple but i did like a couple of the personal flips you had so ima give you a 6 because you understand the importance of personal bars with a decent flip.
Multis- 6 - Some of your multis come off as forced.. What you may want to try is write your verse lowercase like you are doing an audio battle that way it may read smoother.. I do like the fact you can do the back to back multi sets relating to the end concept.. Thats a start. Also the 10 syllable multi sets can throw off a verse I wouldn't go past 6 at this stage in your texting)
Delivery/swag- 6 .. I think you lack a little bit of personality in your bars.. which can take away from the enjoyment of reading it.. If you read a daddio or illimit or jason verse you will understand what i mean.. they choose multis that read smoothly and the word choice makes the verse more exciting)
creativity- 6 The hiroshima bar was a step in the right direction, but I dont want you to try to be too creative at this point cus you may try to overdue it... Focus on your multi placement and delivery at this point then the creativity will come with it.
readability- 6 .. it was readable .. but the 10 syllable multi set took away from that a little.. Also try not the have multi sets that require a "," cus it takes away rom the flow example.. LUSTFUL 'TEENS WITH TUNES', THAT ... this read weird and the multis were kinda meh.

Overall- 6 .. You should work on multi placement and smoother multis cus they come off forced at times.. try writing the verse lowercase first and see how that works for you.. Also to understand multi placement read the dudes that i mentioned above. Ask eth to assist you more with multis so that they dont come off as forced. Focus on those areas for now. Once you get that down move to creativity and i think youll be just fine.

---------- Post added at 04:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:57 PM ----------

Also I think if you watch some live battles that will help with your delivery/ multi placement for max punch power.

---------- Post added at 05:16 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:59 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Dean

@Erupt, Maybe you should get a guest rater, similar to what you did in the rap school with Phroxen. This would speed things up a lil bit.

Idk Somebody like @remarK or @ILLoKWENT

Yeah these breakdowns take like 30-40 min each tbh might not think so but it's time consuming.. Not sure those cats are gonna wanta spend time breaking these down but im getting at em my nigg all will be broke down by this weekend.

---------- Post added at 06:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:16 PM ----------

@Octavia

“stocks will be crashing” when i BLAST A GAUGE or EMPTY MAGS! sorry to “burst ur bubble” but your JABS’LL FAIL to SET ME BACK & i wouldn’t “buy in to those, homes” w/ FANNIE MAE & FREDDIE MAC! ( i think the concept was a bit played but the flip was decent.. some slant rhymes here but noting drastic... The way it was delivered was good tho.. The only thing is how the punch transitioned like.. JABS’LL FAIL to SET ME BACK & i wouldn’t “buy in to those, homes” w/ FANNIE MAE & FREDDIE MAC .. instead of saying & i wouldn't for max punch impact maybe a smoother transition word like "so i wouldnt BUY INTO.. i that makes sense.) "it's not me, it's you" livin IN HIS MOMMA'S BASEMENT (i dont get the its not me its you reference.. should focus on more concrete references because i was thinking it would be followed by like a dating breakup punch), i wanted to face a “monster” but i GET THIS FRAUD IN PLACEMENT? you’ll need a “hero to save you now” but my LYRICS AREN’T CONTAINING shit that’s CHRISTIAN ROCK RELATED like a SKILLET COMPILATION!!/ (I like the multis here, but the punch itself is meh... nothing really creative it comes across as bland.. maybe you could have flipped the concept a little) bred knows ill win, first we TEXT, THEN I’LL BEAT YOUR VERSES & for my NEXT WIN? DEFEAT A MURDA; you wont “go in, to defy or place” less you STEPPED IN A HEATED FURNACE n i aint seen “o bomb a squad” unLESS ITS THE SECRET SERVICE or the PRESIDENT’S TEAM OF SERVANTS!! (the fireplace, Obama squad.) (this right here is what you should model your punches after.. this was good the o bama line is a little played but still w/p and the defy or place w/p was decent too mainly the way it was setup and multi placement here was very good..) if you wrote lines alone? you couldnt even TRY TO TOP MINE, i mean we know acs helps to WRITE YA BARS, GUY, but they just “assist your suicide” - hence a “CRYSIS HOTLINE!” (this was actually a very good personal man... the Crysis personal, helps write bars.. I liked this punch.. the multi placement was good , if im nitpicking the TRY TO TOP MINE multi set could have been replaced by something else) you’re a rap machine? “Obey, you’re human!” but tryna BEAT GOD IN A CONTEST? since you can “cause no harm” you better run to “save your life” no THREE LAWS OF ROBOTICS!!!/ (this was a decent punch.. i like how you big upped yourself and still threw a punch.. i think the concept itself could have been put together a little better for creativity purposes.. Also for max punch impact you needed one more multi set after "cause no harm" that way the build would have made it hit a little harder ) i mean, he thinks he’s ACTUALLY KILLING ME? i’ll make ya “head spin,” hope someone HAPPENS TO INTERVENE if you "draw to put dots in I?" ur like ANIME IN DEFEAT cause weapons? we might see “bey’ blade, tops!” like JAPANESE FIGURINES! ( i like the double punch here, but it came off awkwardly .. the multis were relevant for sure but still read funy the concept itself wasn't worded properly throughout the entire bar.)

Punches- 6.5 .. The crysis hotline .. obama squad.. fireplace bars all helped your verse here.. were very decent punches and the fact that you know about where to place your multis for the most part made the bars hit harder.. There are bars that came off meh but u have punches some back to back so thats a good start for sure.. def potential here.
Multis-7 Multis for the most part are good here.. there were a couple multi sets that came off weird but overall they flow very smoothly and make sense.
delivery/swag- 6.5- You actually have a decent delivery swag as well.. yI can see a little bit of your personality shining through here I think if you work a little more on this part of your verse you will excel.. also try not to force a couple concepts
creativity- 7 .. Im going to give you a 7 here because I can see the potential in where you are going with the concepts.. you think outside of the box .. i have a pretty good eye for cats that can potentially excel creatively and you are on the right track.. just need to take it that step further.. the fire line was def on the right track.
readability- 7 .. verse was readable but there are times where your punches come off as worded awkwardly.. like the closer.. Try to keep things simple and not have too many references and quotations commas etc because it messes with the flow and what not.

Overall- 6.8 ... I think what boosts you is your potential to excel creatively.. You understand what wordplay is.. and you are very close to breaking the creative barrier.. Try to be a little more relevant bar wise... get rid of some of the commas, quotations which will make for a smoother read.. you have a good hold on multi placement as well just in some instances dont forget that the build is what makes the punch hit.. atleast three multi sets per bar id say for max punch power.. Youre on the right track tho.

[Erupt da Monsta]

@Enfinite

Bulls vs Legion has gone 'Nuclear', two MAD FACTION'S ON DECK WHO'S RUNNIN' THE GAME, Manny left the bulls for LoD in Illy 4 and that 'MANHATTAN PROJECT' BLEW UP IN THEIR FACE! (this was a nice personal bar, creativity was there but it was missing something for max punch impact.. The long multi sets are ok, but in this case you had 10 syllables and could come off as a hard read... I would have shortened the multi set syllable length and added another multi set for max impact.. also the concept could have been flipped a little to add to the creativity.. The concept was cool tho) The debate was can aC'S HANG WITH THE BUSINESS and BEAT BANKS AND HIS MINIONS? They 'looked hot but faded as we closed in' like 'HEAT WAVES' IN THE DISTANCE! ( another personal bar here.. actually hit decently.. again could have been flipped to add more creativity.. maybe thougt a lil harder on how to flip the concept, if you dont know what i mean by flip holla at me n ill explain in more detail.. If you listen to live battles you will understand multi placement a little better. You would have had one more multi set after BANKS AND HIS MINIONS to create that build up to make the punch hit harder) Manny and I never battled so we're MAKING A BET, WHO'S THE WORST? I could 'freestyle' and 'take it off the top' w/o FACING 'EXECUTIONERS' or 'SHAVING HIS HEAD THROUGH THE PERM! ( wasnt feeling this concept here was a lil played but i did like the double concept/multi set FACING EXECUTIONERS SHAVING HIS HEAD THROUGH THE PERM.. i think if you focus on these type of punches you will do more damage conceptually) He believe's he's a 'SAINT' N SAYS HIS BOOTH'S A 'CHURCH' so if he 'spits with a devil inside him'? It's not that 'SATAN'S' BLED INTO HIS WORK but GAVE QUICK 'HEAD' TO 'LUCIFER'! ( the way his was worded was weird.. the concept itself didnt hit cus it was a stretch like gave head to lucifer.. kind of unrealistic so it was a stretch.. also really simple.. you did have the double multi set tho again so that was a good look just came off a little meh) So LoD's BANGIN TECHS TO SHOOT THE BULLS? Nah they GANGSTA'S SET TO DO A 'ROLE' so when they 'act hard' they'd only 'STAGE' A DEATH AND FUNERAL! (the acting/stage concept is very played here.. also needed another multi set or a punch after GANGSATAS SET TO DO A ROLE for max punch impact.. I can give you an example of multi placement if you want) You talk bout' 'girls in gats' in songs like you'd BUST A HEATER TO IT but it sounds like LUSTFUL 'TEENS WITH TUNES', THAT threaten "In My World: I'd tell you one time".....queue the 'JUSTIN BIEBER' MUSIC! (this was very weak imo.. the concept itself just wasnt concrete.. also you didnt need the "..." the concept wasnt an awe concept if you eel me) You aren't a Man, you're a chick I wish WE'D 'BOMB' HER WORLD HARDER! (this multi set reads akward.. It comes off as forced) So to be 'Heroes, She must be destroyed in battle' no RESPONSE FROM 'PEARL HARBOR'! (So to be Hiroshima's, be destroyed in battle) (this was the most creative bar you had... I like the concept but I'm not a fan of the long winded wordplay... it can come off as conceptually forced but in this case it was decent.. The no RESPONSE FROM PEARL HARBOR multi set didnt add to the punch impact tho because of how it was worded.. it didnt read smoothly like.. so to be hiroshimas, be destroyed in battle.. it doesnt read right both ways if that makes sense)

Punches- 6 .. i think if you worked on multi placement a little more with ETH your punches would hit a little harder.. Overall they were quite simple but i did like a couple of the personal flips you had so ima give you a 6 because you understand the importance of personal bars with a decent flip.
Multis- 6 - Some of your multis come off as forced.. What you may want to try is write your verse lowercase like you are doing an audio battle that way it may read smoother.. I do like the fact you can do the back to back multi sets relating to the end concept.. Thats a start. Also the 10 syllable multi sets can throw off a verse I wouldn't go past 6 at this stage in your texting)
Delivery/swag- 6 .. I think you lack a little bit of personality in your bars.. which can take away from the enjoyment of reading it.. If you read a daddio or illimit or jason verse you will understand what i mean.. they choose multis that read smoothly and the word choice makes the verse more exciting)
creativity- 6 The hiroshima bar was a step in the right direction, but I dont want you to try to be too creative at this point cus you may try to overdue it... Focus on your multi placement and delivery at this point then the creativity will come with it.
readability- 6 .. it was readable .. but the 10 syllable multi set took away from that a little.. Also try not the have multi sets that require a "," cus it takes away rom the flow example.. LUSTFUL 'TEENS WITH TUNES', THAT ... this read weird and the multis were kinda meh.

Overall- 6 .. You should work on multi placement and smoother multis cus they come off forced at times.. try writing the verse lowercase first and see how that works for you.. Also to understand multi placement read the dudes that i mentioned above. Ask eth to assist you more with multis so that they dont come off as forced. Focus on those areas for now. Once you get that down move to creativity and i think youll be just fine.

---------- Post added at 04:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:57 PM ----------

Also I think if you watch some live battles that will help with your delivery/ multi placement for max punch power.

---------- Post added at 05:16 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:59 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Dean

@Erupt, Maybe you should get a guest rater, similar to what you did in the rap school with Phroxen. This would speed things up a lil bit.

Idk Somebody like @remarK or @ILLoKWENT

Yeah these breakdowns take like 30-40 min each tbh might not think so but it's time consuming.. Not sure those cats are gonna wanta spend time breaking these down but im getting at em my nigg all will be broke down by this weekend.

---------- Post added at 06:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:16 PM ----------

@Octavia

“stocks will be crashing” when i BLAST A GAUGE or EMPTY MAGS! sorry to “burst ur bubble” but your JABS’LL FAIL to SET ME BACK & i wouldn’t “buy in to those, homes” w/ FANNIE MAE & FREDDIE MAC! ( i think the concept was a bit played but the flip was decent.. some slant rhymes here but noting drastic... The way it was delivered was good tho.. The only thing is how the punch transitioned like.. JABS’LL FAIL to SET ME BACK & i wouldn’t “buy in to those, homes” w/ FANNIE MAE & FREDDIE MAC .. instead of saying & i wouldn't for max punch impact maybe a smoother transition word like "so i wouldnt BUY INTO.. i that makes sense.) "it's not me, it's you" livin IN HIS MOMMA'S BASEMENT (i dont get the its not me its you reference.. should focus on more concrete references because i was thinking it would be followed by like a dating breakup punch), i wanted to face a “monster” but i GET THIS FRAUD IN PLACEMENT? you’ll need a “hero to save you now” but my LYRICS AREN’T CONTAINING shit that’s CHRISTIAN ROCK RELATED like a SKILLET COMPILATION!!/ (I like the multis here, but the punch itself is meh... nothing really creative it comes across as bland.. maybe you could have flipped the concept a little) bred knows ill win, first we TEXT, THEN I’LL BEAT YOUR VERSES & for my NEXT WIN? DEFEAT A MURDA; you wont “go in, to defy or place” less you STEPPED IN A HEATED FURNACE n i aint seen “o bomb a squad” unLESS ITS THE SECRET SERVICE or the PRESIDENT’S TEAM OF SERVANTS!! (the fireplace, Obama squad.) (this right here is what you should model your punches after.. this was good the o bama line is a little played but still w/p and the defy or place w/p was decent too mainly the way it was setup and multi placement here was very good..) if you wrote lines alone? you couldnt even TRY TO TOP MINE, i mean we know acs helps to WRITE YA BARS, GUY, but they just “assist your suicide” - hence a “CRYSIS HOTLINE!” (this was actually a very good personal man... the Crysis personal, helps write bars.. I liked this punch.. the multi placement was good , if im nitpicking the TRY TO TOP MINE multi set could have been replaced by something else) you’re a rap machine? “Obey, you’re human!” but tryna BEAT GOD IN A CONTEST? since you can “cause no harm” you better run to “save your life” no THREE LAWS OF ROBOTICS!!!/ (this was a decent punch.. i like how you big upped yourself and still threw a punch.. i think the concept itself could have been put together a little better for creativity purposes.. Also for max punch impact you needed one more multi set after "cause no harm" that way the build would have made it hit a little harder ) i mean, he thinks he’s ACTUALLY KILLING ME? i’ll make ya “head spin,” hope someone HAPPENS TO INTERVENE if you "draw to put dots in I?" ur like ANIME IN DEFEAT cause weapons? we might see “bey’ blade, tops!” like JAPANESE FIGURINES! ( i like the double punch here, but it came off awkwardly .. the multis were relevant for sure but still read funy the concept itself wasn't worded properly throughout the entire bar.)

Punches- 6.5 .. The crysis hotline .. obama squad.. fireplace bars all helped your verse here.. were very decent punches and the fact that you know about where to place your multis for the most part made the bars hit harder.. There are bars that came off meh but u have punches some back to back so thats a good start for sure.. def potential here.
Multis-7 Multis for the most part are good here.. there were a couple multi sets that came off weird but overall they flow very smoothly and make sense.
delivery/swag- 6.5- You actually have a decent delivery swag as well.. yI can see a little bit of your personality shining through here I think if you work a little more on this part of your verse you will excel.. also try not to force a couple concepts
creativity- 7 .. Im going to give you a 7 here because I can see the potential in where you are going with the concepts.. you think outside of the box .. i have a pretty good eye for cats that can potentially excel creatively and you are on the right track.. just need to take it that step further.. the fire line was def on the right track.
readability- 7 .. verse was readable but there are times where your punches come off as worded awkwardly.. like the closer.. Try to keep things simple and not have too many references and quotations commas etc because it messes with the flow and what not.

Overall- 6.8 ... I think what boosts you is your potential to excel creatively.. You understand what wordplay is.. and you are very close to breaking the creative barrier.. Try to be a little more relevant bar wise... get rid of some of the commas, quotations which will make for a smoother read.. you have a good hold on multi placement as well just in some instances dont forget that the build is what makes the punch hit.. atleast three multi sets per bar id say for max punch power.. Youre on the right track tho.

[Erupt da Monsta]

@ILLoKWENT is going to be taking some time out to break some of these down as well... Shoutout to Illo as well. ez

[Erupt da Monsta]

@ILLoKWENT is going to be taking some time out to break some of these down as well... Shoutout to Illo as well. ez

Originally Posted by Dissizit

@Erupt ... peep that

vs. Obey

Who the fuck brung LASSE TO DOG FIGHT? He couldn't keep “grounded” wearing sneakers with the SHABBY LACROSSE SPIKES I'm Psycho!, the HAPPY FOR WAR TYPE But thinkin you're “Nuts, Get a grip” you'd rather ASK ME TO COUGH TWICE!....*He's on letsbeef all day!, Eyes red, dry mouth, Parched in a bliss. Tryna give out “rap advice” but ain't Harsh with the spits, *funny how “Bey a net buffer” But'll never be Sharp with the Tips! (bayonet)*<-- while Punches i THROW ERASE TEAMS, & I figured since O's “thinking, Caps Off” I'd kill him with a*LOWER CASE SCHEME!. *Rap skills? i SHOWED YOU THE BASICS... then the way you “Called it quits” it seemed PHONE BOOTH RELATED Them “Ciao lines” was enough to rival SOUL FOOD ARRANGEMENTS! (chow) ... O, we KNOW YOU ASHAMED WITH the fact your “Crafts missing!” But even FOLKS WHO's MALAYSIAN would HOPE YOU EMBRACE IT!!!/*I stayed with him & his MOTHER IN JUNE, So i know 1st hand, that he ain't around GUNs AND THE GOONS, it's lies-brother, Only “rap sheet” he got is that “hip hop blanket” he *hides-under when I'd COME IN THE ROOM!!.*Now he acts bigheaded but comes DULL IN MANY CLASHES?, I don't care if his SKULL IS VERY MASSIVE.. I repo-Ego's and “Beys'll get cut down to size” with out CULINARY CLASSES!. (Basil)

Although the wordplay was a bit predictable, I actually liked this verse. If you wrote like this all the time I'd actually think you're a good writer.

Originally Posted by Dissizit

@Erupt ... peep that

vs. Obey

Who the fuck brung LASSE TO DOG FIGHT? He couldn't keep “grounded” wearing sneakers with the SHABBY LACROSSE SPIKES I'm Psycho!, the HAPPY FOR WAR TYPE But thinkin you're “Nuts, Get a grip” you'd rather ASK ME TO COUGH TWICE!....*He's on letsbeef all day!, Eyes red, dry mouth, Parched in a bliss. Tryna give out “rap advice” but ain't Harsh with the spits, *funny how “Bey a net buffer” But'll never be Sharp with the Tips! (bayonet)*<-- while Punches i THROW ERASE TEAMS, & I figured since O's “thinking, Caps Off” I'd kill him with a*LOWER CASE SCHEME!. *Rap skills? i SHOWED YOU THE BASICS... then the way you “Called it quits” it seemed PHONE BOOTH RELATED Them “Ciao lines” was enough to rival SOUL FOOD ARRANGEMENTS! (chow) ... O, we KNOW YOU ASHAMED WITH the fact your “Crafts missing!” But even FOLKS WHO's MALAYSIAN would HOPE YOU EMBRACE IT!!!/*I stayed with him & his MOTHER IN JUNE, So i know 1st hand, that he ain't around GUNs AND THE GOONS, it's lies-brother, Only “rap sheet” he got is that “hip hop blanket” he *hides-under when I'd COME IN THE ROOM!!.*Now he acts bigheaded but comes DULL IN MANY CLASHES?, I don't care if his SKULL IS VERY MASSIVE.. I repo-Ego's and “Beys'll get cut down to size” with out CULINARY CLASSES!. (Basil)

Although the wordplay was a bit predictable, I actually liked this verse. If you wrote like this all the time I'd actually think you're a good writer.

[Phracture]

@EtH I appreciate it bruvuh.

[Phracture]

@EtH I appreciate it bruvuh.

[ILLoKWENT]

aight my boi @Erupt needed a wingman on this so im happy to oblige.
@Subreal
If you see a 'Red Cross' it's from shots I-Land not a SAVING STOP FOR HAITIANS but if Manny's 'on-board' 'w/ the Arms out' he's just PLAYING OPERATION!! aight, first off, i like the short bar structure here... setup here was fairly relavent wit the whole 'vaccination concepts' , and continued well with the double meaning wit manny's arms out to recieve shots/ready to scrap. the flip tho, didnt connect well imo.. the concept was pretty open ended.. which means you couldve used a boat flip, or numerous other board games..if your dead set on using OPERATION, i suggest tuning the concept so it more directly relates to that particular game... ex. so if manny's 'on board to get picked on',then im GAME FOR OPERATION... anyway, conceptually ,operation type punches are pretty played out by now,so try to find a very clever angle phrase play to improve upon it..






Manny talks gunplay in all his bars like hes some kinda CRIMINAL CARRIER but all these threats are over a DIGITAL BARRIER so the key's Manny pushing are just like his name - FICTIONAL CHARACTERS!
not feelin the first multi.. how exactly is talkin bout guns equivilent to carryin a criminal.. you can carry on as a criminal, but wording here is a bit awkward., even tho your tryin to say hes a criminal carrying a weapon... i wouldve changed it to CRIMINAL CARRYIN' CLIPS, then change the last multi to FICTIONAL CHARACTER IS... this way, your multis come out reading more fluent. im liking the personal angle in your punch but its a bit plain and statementish, yes it makes sense and the simile connects,but you need a bit more swag and style here...


Fists or Guns Manny doesn't FIGHT OR SPRAY VERY WELL, so if hes "standing up for another round" he's in LINE FOR A CAROUSEL!

nice short bar, relavence in setup is there, the concept itself, tho is another one of those open ended type phrase plays.. that could be stronger wit closer related wording.not to mention, peeps usually sit when on a carousel, rather then stand.. this is how i wouldve wrote it. how does manny wanna 'horse around wit me' ?, he cant FIGHT NOR SPRAY VERY WELL, i guess hes prolly thinkin 'some kids got his back' , takin PRIDE AS A CAROUSEL... etc... see the difference here..



But I rule this shit with an 'iron fist' i'll cause this 'DUDE'S SPLEEN TO BREAK' with blows ya can't 'stomach' that'll make YOU SCREAM IN PAIN to leave ya dead like HOUDINI'S FATE!okay setup could use a bit better wording..like the use of the 'I' and 'I'LL'.. makes the line seem like two fractured sentences , wit an abrubt stop in the middle.. it wouldve read smoother as kid, i rule wit an 'iron fist', causin 'DUDE'S SPLEENS TO BREAK' ,droppin 'blows you cant stomach', ROUTINELY NAMED as HOUDINI'S FATEpunch it self was original take on a houdini concept,


As for ladies, your whole crew helps ya "PITCH IN" WORDS CHEATER bcuz it's not "good game" how Manny "pulls them chicks" WITH HIS BIRD FEEDER! (pigeon)another simple short bar thats easy to follow, setup relates perfectly talkin about the concept which involves 'tryin to score chicks',towards the end. which was pretty funny.. the pitchin part didnt need to be quotated, cause it doesnt relate that well wit birdfeeder..i'd prolly try a 'word association' that relates to birdfeeder in the setup for this particular instance.. to explain more about his birdfeeder usage..lol punch itself had alot of potential



He's been with his girl since his"coming of age" and still hasn't POPPED HER CHERRY so he'll have to pay for 'rite of passage thru a canal' w/o a PROPER FERRY! this one was dope, imo, again the wording couldve been adjusted here, in the setup you didnt really need to have a 'coming of age', it aint really that necessary to get your point across about him not poppin his girls cherry. but i get your inclusion to connect 'rite of passage'.. you couldve prolly get even more creative by including BARMITZVAH while ON A FERRY, which wouldve tied in the 'rite of passage' even more..bottomline good bar.. simple but effective, and a few more tweaks wouldve made it hit even harder. .

You're "drowning", too bad for you I'm RUNNING A SPEED BOAT I'll have this Canadian "sleeping through the 'english channel' without TOUCHING A REMOTE!
metaphorically, the english channel pun was a decent touch, setup wise was also relavent in idea.. the only thing is the topic of him drowning kinda seems out of left field for some reason.. and out of place, strength wise, it was aight, nothing too major..




Its ova, Manny thought he owned the place like he was some kinda NEW MAJOR SETTLER but i just "erased the motherfucker from text" like a NEWSPAPER EDITOR! this one was prolly my least favorite bar.. setup wise, wasnt too relavent, you talkin bout he owned the place, but it lacked the closer relationship towards your end idea.. punch wise, it was pretty basic and predictable.. there wasnt much as far as double meanings.. erasing text, and editor is hella obvious...id prolly omit this entire bar right here...

these categories are what i used back in the day when doin breakdowns... which i feel should encompass a battle verse..

PUNCHES:6.5aight i feel you came with a decent array wit different concepts, there werent any real standouts here,and the couple that had alot of potential, just needed a bit better wording to put it closer to harderhitting

PERSONALS;2 here i feel your verse was fairly generic.. with the exception of the fictional character manny name reference, there wasnt really any other punches or disses that was relavent to your opponent.. whether its his name, his avatar, his battle style, who he lost too, etc... your verse basically couldve been thrown at anyone... in a 16 , i'd throw at least 2 or three personals at most..in between the randoms.. of course the more the better...

DELIVERY/MULTIS/FLOW/STRUCTURE:6 flow wise it was decent, good for short bar style, multis matched up as far as i could tell. of course as you get more intricate in scheme, eg. longer multi strings, inner rhymes, double or triple multis.. your score would be higher.

CREATIVITY/SWAG:6 wasnt too bad, a couple original conceptual tries.. fundamentals, was there,entertainment factor was pretty average.. but i can see your hint at humor which brought your score up a bit....




OVERALL: 5 your a very talented writer that has big potential, because you have a good idea of conceptual punches and how to incorporate them, it be a good idea to start droppin 32s to see your full range of skills(more sculpted setups, multi scheme work, etc..)i feel a little nudge in the right direction and polish would put you in the upper tier of this site, also, incorporate more personals, other than mentioning your opponents name a few times... dissing someone using personal shit, makes your bars hit even harder when done right... it was your lack of personals here that brought down your average.. otherwise it be a high 6 this time around

[ILLoKWENT]

aight my boi @Erupt needed a wingman on this so im happy to oblige.
@Subreal
If you see a 'Red Cross' it's from shots I-Land not a SAVING STOP FOR HAITIANS but if Manny's 'on-board' 'w/ the Arms out' he's just PLAYING OPERATION!! aight, first off, i like the short bar structure here... setup here was fairly relavent wit the whole 'vaccination concepts' , and continued well with the double meaning wit manny's arms out to recieve shots/ready to scrap. the flip tho, didnt connect well imo.. the concept was pretty open ended.. which means you couldve used a boat flip, or numerous other board games..if your dead set on using OPERATION, i suggest tuning the concept so it more directly relates to that particular game... ex. so if manny's 'on board to get picked on',then im GAME FOR OPERATION... anyway, conceptually ,operation type punches are pretty played out by now,so try to find a very clever angle phrase play to improve upon it..






Manny talks gunplay in all his bars like hes some kinda CRIMINAL CARRIER but all these threats are over a DIGITAL BARRIER so the key's Manny pushing are just like his name - FICTIONAL CHARACTERS!
not feelin the first multi.. how exactly is talkin bout guns equivilent to carryin a criminal.. you can carry on as a criminal, but wording here is a bit awkward., even tho your tryin to say hes a criminal carrying a weapon... i wouldve changed it to CRIMINAL CARRYIN' CLIPS, then change the last multi to FICTIONAL CHARACTER IS... this way, your multis come out reading more fluent. im liking the personal angle in your punch but its a bit plain and statementish, yes it makes sense and the simile connects,but you need a bit more swag and style here...


Fists or Guns Manny doesn't FIGHT OR SPRAY VERY WELL, so if hes "standing up for another round" he's in LINE FOR A CAROUSEL!

nice short bar, relavence in setup is there, the concept itself, tho is another one of those open ended type phrase plays.. that could be stronger wit closer related wording.not to mention, peeps usually sit when on a carousel, rather then stand.. this is how i wouldve wrote it. how does manny wanna 'horse around wit me' ?, he cant FIGHT NOR SPRAY VERY WELL, i guess hes prolly thinkin 'some kids got his back' , takin PRIDE AS A CAROUSEL... etc... see the difference here..



But I rule this shit with an 'iron fist' i'll cause this 'DUDE'S SPLEEN TO BREAK' with blows ya can't 'stomach' that'll make YOU SCREAM IN PAIN to leave ya dead like HOUDINI'S FATE!okay setup could use a bit better wording..like the use of the 'I' and 'I'LL'.. makes the line seem like two fractured sentences , wit an abrubt stop in the middle.. it wouldve read smoother as kid, i rule wit an 'iron fist', causin 'DUDE'S SPLEENS TO BREAK' ,droppin 'blows you cant stomach', ROUTINELY NAMED as HOUDINI'S FATEpunch it self was original take on a houdini concept,


As for ladies, your whole crew helps ya "PITCH IN" WORDS CHEATER bcuz it's not "good game" how Manny "pulls them chicks" WITH HIS BIRD FEEDER! (pigeon)another simple short bar thats easy to follow, setup relates perfectly talkin about the concept which involves 'tryin to score chicks',towards the end. which was pretty funny.. the pitchin part didnt need to be quotated, cause it doesnt relate that well wit birdfeeder..i'd prolly try a 'word association' that relates to birdfeeder in the setup for this particular instance.. to explain more about his birdfeeder usage..lol punch itself had alot of potential



He's been with his girl since his"coming of age" and still hasn't POPPED HER CHERRY so he'll have to pay for 'rite of passage thru a canal' w/o a PROPER FERRY! this one was dope, imo, again the wording couldve been adjusted here, in the setup you didnt really need to have a 'coming of age', it aint really that necessary to get your point across about him not poppin his girls cherry. but i get your inclusion to connect 'rite of passage'.. you couldve prolly get even more creative by including BARMITZVAH while ON A FERRY, which wouldve tied in the 'rite of passage' even more..bottomline good bar.. simple but effective, and a few more tweaks wouldve made it hit even harder. .

You're "drowning", too bad for you I'm RUNNING A SPEED BOAT I'll have this Canadian "sleeping through the 'english channel' without TOUCHING A REMOTE!
metaphorically, the english channel pun was a decent touch, setup wise was also relavent in idea.. the only thing is the topic of him drowning kinda seems out of left field for some reason.. and out of place, strength wise, it was aight, nothing too major..




Its ova, Manny thought he owned the place like he was some kinda NEW MAJOR SETTLER but i just "erased the motherfucker from text" like a NEWSPAPER EDITOR! this one was prolly my least favorite bar.. setup wise, wasnt too relavent, you talkin bout he owned the place, but it lacked the closer relationship towards your end idea.. punch wise, it was pretty basic and predictable.. there wasnt much as far as double meanings.. erasing text, and editor is hella obvious...id prolly omit this entire bar right here...

these categories are what i used back in the day when doin breakdowns... which i feel should encompass a battle verse..

PUNCHES:6.5aight i feel you came with a decent array wit different concepts, there werent any real standouts here,and the couple that had alot of potential, just needed a bit better wording to put it closer to harderhitting

PERSONALS;2 here i feel your verse was fairly generic.. with the exception of the fictional character manny name reference, there wasnt really any other punches or disses that was relavent to your opponent.. whether its his name, his avatar, his battle style, who he lost too, etc... your verse basically couldve been thrown at anyone... in a 16 , i'd throw at least 2 or three personals at most..in between the randoms.. of course the more the better...

DELIVERY/MULTIS/FLOW/STRUCTURE:6 flow wise it was decent, good for short bar style, multis matched up as far as i could tell. of course as you get more intricate in scheme, eg. longer multi strings, inner rhymes, double or triple multis.. your score would be higher.

CREATIVITY/SWAG:6 wasnt too bad, a couple original conceptual tries.. fundamentals, was there,entertainment factor was pretty average.. but i can see your hint at humor which brought your score up a bit....




OVERALL: 5 your a very talented writer that has big potential, because you have a good idea of conceptual punches and how to incorporate them, it be a good idea to start droppin 32s to see your full range of skills(more sculpted setups, multi scheme work, etc..)i feel a little nudge in the right direction and polish would put you in the upper tier of this site, also, incorporate more personals, other than mentioning your opponents name a few times... dissing someone using personal shit, makes your bars hit even harder when done right... it was your lack of personals here that brought down your average.. otherwise it be a high 6 this time around

[Quincy®]

Yo @ILLoKWENT and @Erupt can u post pending battle's or do they have to be finished? Js.

[Quincy®]

Yo @ILLoKWENT and @Erupt can u post pending battle's or do they have to be finished? Js.