FVC Contests Archives.

[ILLoKWENT]

ETHS VOTE:

Row, I feel you were too harsh with Subreal. You went into mentioning that he had played punches, but the guy is only starting out. EVERYONE starts out with played punches. You should have commended him for their presence, and maybe hinted that he could do with making them more original as he progresses. I agree with you on Fidel's wording ruining his ideas.

prospektJS, to start, Fidel's multi game was NOT on point. There were several flaws he would need to improve for that to be the case, which he will, but I dont think you should have singled it out because it'd encourage the mistakes and multi stretching to continue. Also, what do you mean the first part of BOUGHT THE BEAN / SPOT NOT CLEAN didnt rhyme? SPOT and BOUGHT rhyme, the only problem would be the strength the word "not" holds in the middle. I thought it was much closer than Fidel being two ahead.

Nick, not too much to say about your vote that is negative. I felt you were very generious, but LB as of late has been dropped down to the always critical ratings of EtH so you're still in the 08 mode*. I rated this battle 5-5, and I'd rate a verse from me or you a 7 you know. So just try and make the ratings a bit more realistic.

Violent Scripture, I'm not impressed just because you posted a lot. No one is really going to go into that much detail when voting. What I did like is how harsh you were on them just making some stuff up that didnt make sense. No matter what level you are at, forcing and making stuff up is a choice, and they decided to do it here, so that was a great part of your vote for me.

Los, while there was some merit to what you said, we want these guys to be encouraged to continue battling. I felt your rating was the best, and you're the only one of the bunch who voted for who I voted for, but you were so negative with your comments that the guys wouldnt be motivated to step back in there. Try and point out the good sides in there verses as both had a lot of good moments.

XplicitKontent, I felt that you could have been very harsh here. To me, Dissizit was all over the place and really would need a kick in the ass to straighten his shit out. You seemed to encourage him a bit here, which I'm assuming LB is always doing as to why he's a big name with such all over the place R:ican style bars. It was a bit of a vague vote too, although a realistic style of vote in comparison to drawn out ones these contests see a lot.

1. Violent Scripture
2. Nicholas
3. Los
4. Row
5. XplicitKontent
6. prospektJS

[ILLoKWENT]

ETHS VOTE:

Row, I feel you were too harsh with Subreal. You went into mentioning that he had played punches, but the guy is only starting out. EVERYONE starts out with played punches. You should have commended him for their presence, and maybe hinted that he could do with making them more original as he progresses. I agree with you on Fidel's wording ruining his ideas.

prospektJS, to start, Fidel's multi game was NOT on point. There were several flaws he would need to improve for that to be the case, which he will, but I dont think you should have singled it out because it'd encourage the mistakes and multi stretching to continue. Also, what do you mean the first part of BOUGHT THE BEAN / SPOT NOT CLEAN didnt rhyme? SPOT and BOUGHT rhyme, the only problem would be the strength the word "not" holds in the middle. I thought it was much closer than Fidel being two ahead.

Nick, not too much to say about your vote that is negative. I felt you were very generious, but LB as of late has been dropped down to the always critical ratings of EtH so you're still in the 08 mode*. I rated this battle 5-5, and I'd rate a verse from me or you a 7 you know. So just try and make the ratings a bit more realistic.

Violent Scripture, I'm not impressed just because you posted a lot. No one is really going to go into that much detail when voting. What I did like is how harsh you were on them just making some stuff up that didnt make sense. No matter what level you are at, forcing and making stuff up is a choice, and they decided to do it here, so that was a great part of your vote for me.

Los, while there was some merit to what you said, we want these guys to be encouraged to continue battling. I felt your rating was the best, and you're the only one of the bunch who voted for who I voted for, but you were so negative with your comments that the guys wouldnt be motivated to step back in there. Try and point out the good sides in there verses as both had a lot of good moments.

XplicitKontent, I felt that you could have been very harsh here. To me, Dissizit was all over the place and really would need a kick in the ass to straighten his shit out. You seemed to encourage him a bit here, which I'm assuming LB is always doing as to why he's a big name with such all over the place R:ican style bars. It was a bit of a vague vote too, although a realistic style of vote in comparison to drawn out ones these contests see a lot.

1. Violent Scripture
2. Nicholas
3. Los
4. Row
5. XplicitKontent
6. prospektJS

[ILLoKWENT]

skin ec's vote:


nicholas-1
vs-2
prospect-3
XplicitKontent-4
row-5
los-6
I wanted to get my rankinigs in because i know i am late. My ratings were based on the criteria of (most helpful, to least helpful) IMO the bottom 3 had expo's that simply stated what was wrong with the 2 verses judged. They really didn't even explain why they voted how they did, they just nit picked the verses. I am pressed for time on this round, so i can't go as in depth as I would like, but in short I felt like nicholas and Violent Scripture's expo's were immensly better than the other 4- the criteria given to me was "most helpful". I felt these 2 were the only ones of the 6 that were helpful. Nicholas u did a good job of offering solutions to the flaws you saw. Your expo was critical, yet positive, u offered insight and suggestions without being condescending. i.e ". u should read more battles & find out how to tighten up your multis more"-(los) a FV member should be the one to tell them how they feel like they should go about tightening up there multi's. Violent scripture let's be honest, there is no way you are going to give every battle that much attention. I feel like you def went harder knowing the spotlight was on. But your points were solid, just summarize your advice to the opponents more. The line by line scrutiny was to much

[ILLoKWENT]

skin ec's vote:


nicholas-1
vs-2
prospect-3
XplicitKontent-4
row-5
los-6
I wanted to get my rankinigs in because i know i am late. My ratings were based on the criteria of (most helpful, to least helpful) IMO the bottom 3 had expo's that simply stated what was wrong with the 2 verses judged. They really didn't even explain why they voted how they did, they just nit picked the verses. I am pressed for time on this round, so i can't go as in depth as I would like, but in short I felt like nicholas and Violent Scripture's expo's were immensly better than the other 4- the criteria given to me was "most helpful". I felt these 2 were the only ones of the 6 that were helpful. Nicholas u did a good job of offering solutions to the flaws you saw. Your expo was critical, yet positive, u offered insight and suggestions without being condescending. i.e ". u should read more battles & find out how to tighten up your multis more"-(los) a FV member should be the one to tell them how they feel like they should go about tightening up there multi's. Violent scripture let's be honest, there is no way you are going to give every battle that much attention. I feel like you def went harder knowing the spotlight was on. But your points were solid, just summarize your advice to the opponents more. The line by line scrutiny was to much

[ILLoKWENT]

@XplicitKontent
@Violent Scripture
@Row
@Nicholas
@prospectJS
@Los


round2okay in this challenge, a good fvc member is able to practice what he preaches in his votes, so you all will be presented wit a concept/flip, and you need to construct 2 battle bars=2lines using it.in a battle type punchline... judges will decide, on whos bars was best done, utilizing whatever proper elements that make a good 2 bars is needed.. when your done , pm me with your entry,.. so that noone will see each others to get ideas.. i will post all entries after everyone submits.. for judgement

CONCEPT= SLOT MACHINES

[ILLoKWENT]

@XplicitKontent
@Violent Scripture
@Row
@Nicholas
@prospectJS
@Los


round2okay in this challenge, a good fvc member is able to practice what he preaches in his votes, so you all will be presented wit a concept/flip, and you need to construct 2 battle bars=2lines using it.in a battle type punchline... judges will decide, on whos bars was best done, utilizing whatever proper elements that make a good 2 bars is needed.. when your done , pm me with your entry,.. so that noone will see each others to get ideas.. i will post all entries after everyone submits.. for judgement

CONCEPT= SLOT MACHINES

[Denton]

Lol what

[Denton]

Lol what

that's be nice. and useful to all.

that's be nice. and useful to all.

[ILLoKWENT]

allright i apologize for the long wait... round 3 :

@XplicitKontent
@Lockhart
@Row
@Nicholas
@prospect JS
@Los

http://www.letsbeef.com/battle_detai...n=tb&id=464323

everyone needs to vote on this before it closes, or else your disqualified.. again, you will be judged on accuracy and how well your critiques help the battlers elevate, .. choosing a winner is based on opinion.so theres no right or wrong here.,,. but if the winners obvious, you better have a logical reason why you voted the other way.. other than that.. good luck

[ILLoKWENT]

allright i apologize for the long wait... round 3 :

@XplicitKontent
@Lockhart
@Row
@Nicholas
@prospect JS
@Los

http://www.letsbeef.com/battle_detai...n=tb&id=464323

everyone needs to vote on this before it closes, or else your disqualified.. again, you will be judged on accuracy and how well your critiques help the battlers elevate, .. choosing a winner is based on opinion.so theres no right or wrong here.,,. but if the winners obvious, you better have a logical reason why you voted the other way.. other than that.. good luck

[Denton]

Voted. Whats the round 2 stats?

[Denton]

Voted. Whats the round 2 stats?

[ILLoKWENT]

ROUND 2 JUDGEMENT:
SKIN EC'S VOTE:
1-los
2-xk
3-nicholas
4-row
5-vs
6-prospect


EtH'S VOTE:
Los, remember that this is a diss bar. You bragged about having a gun and having money. That's okay for a cypher, but in EVERY line of this style, aim it at a target.

ProspectJS, I wouldn't call it a "trigger" on a slot machine, and the 99.9% of slot machines don't have "strikes". Also, how come you just said a completely irrelevant thing at the end. The concept was slot machine, NOTHING else.

Urban, when the punches thrown your corner for Nick? What does that mean? The idea with bars was pretty dope, but I don't get why you went to the order the drink route instead of sticking to the slot machine one.

Row, I don't really get how push luck, being engaged, and winning the slots connects? Are you saying that A wife would push her husband's luck if he was on a winning streak? To me, it was a big vague. Your rhyming wasn't top notch either.

Violent, I didn't really get the "sell your changed lot". I know your reference is that you win change or something, but I didn't really get where the flip was. Also, I feel you went a bit too long with your multi scheme.

XK, watch me pull the rod down? Is that a new "Take out my gun" reference? Never heard if before and suspect you made it up . This was okay with the splling your insides idea, and how you didn't go straight with a generic concept from the get go.

1. XplicitKontent
2. Los
3. Nicholas
4. Row
5. Violent Scripture
6. ProspectJS

ILLOKWENT VOTE

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

LOS

if u 'playin games' ill make u DROP n LEAN, if i jump u, u can try to DODGE THE BEAM and ill 'pull for money' till my 'screen fulla digits' like a SLOT MACHINE!!

^^^^^^^ i like the simplicity of the bars here, nothing too wordy, to the point, relavence couldve been a bit better, considering 'playing games' is ya only reference to ya concept.. which isnt really a strong buildup.. imo.. and what do you mean 'screen fulla digits?' yes it relates to slot machines, but majority of slot machines show either 7's or fruits.. or 'bars' , if your talkin bout stickin him up and pullin his money, how do you end up wit a screen, wouldnt ya pockets be fulla loot, or digits.. wording here could be improved to give the reader a clearer picture..

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

PROSPECT JS-
a nice hit? that's something I'll DOUBT-YOU'LL-DROP cus ya career's based on a slot machine so once u 'pull the trigger' and miss for ya '3rd strike', ima end ya ROUTE-TO-THE-TOP.. now we gon hear ya MOUTH-RUN-ALOT, once u finally face common sense and see ya funeral's being arranged for being 'OUT-IN-THE-BOX!'^^^^^^^^^^^^okay, first sentence leading to the first multi, length was decent, but then gets way too wordy towards the next multi, which throws the flow off,when someone reads this, after a certain length their expecting another multi, which is like timing of scheme/flow.. plus you seem to be explaining too much in that line as well.. keep it shorter, and get ya point across quicker, plus how is his career a slot machine? is his career based on shooting people? and if route to the top is your end punch, it is pretty weak... because 1. it doesnt really relate to 3rd strike, nor 2.' pull the trigger'.. which relates more towards slot machine, then 'route to the top'.. in this sense, slot machine shouldve been mentioned in your punchline bar.. rather than the middle of a long runon line.. im not gonna critique the last 2 lines because they are irrelavent to the slot machine concept..

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

nicholas-'No Gamble' in this 'Bout' when the 'Punches Thrown' your CORNER FOR NICK!You couldn't make 'Money with Bars' on a slot machine while you ORDER YOUR DRINK!We don't 'Match Up' see I'm TAKING HEAVY WINS vs Vets, but it's not gambling habits when you're 'Hitting The Box for a Result' and just end up BREAKING EVERYTHING!^^^^^^^^okay first line read a bit awkward, and doesnt really sound too natural.. you need to always read what your writing and think to yourself, is this how someone would normally speak? what is CORNER FOR NICK'? so if the punches thrown, its from 'your corner' and aimed at nick? wording here is key to the strength of a bar.. cause right now, it seems like a forced multi, wit words put together to make the scheme work.. make money wit bars relates to slot machines and order drinks, but the way its written seems like ordering drinks is the main concept, and slot machines is just thrown in there.. i'd probably have said 'make money wit bars' TAKING SHOTS ON SLOT MACHINES..or something.. wit 'taking shots 'relating to going to bars, and making money refering to slot machines, while making the concept 'slot machines' more pronounced. heading towards your next 2 bars, i feel was more superior, in setup and concept.. although slot machines wasnt obviously written, the reference words like 'hitting the box for results', and match up' all insinuate slot machine..wording couldve been a bit better, i wouldve said,we dont 'match up n' drops' cause when slots match up, money drops in the bin.. also, the end punchline, couldve used less words, to get your point across.. good effort tho, with these lines.

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

ROW-his lines? “vague as” hell, he should be upGRADIN’ HIS DROP “cause he know ma sheen” be SAYIN’ A LOT so don’t “push luck” unless youre enRAGED WIT YA OCK who got matchin 7’s while PLAYIN THE SLOTS! ^^^^^^^^^first off, your vague as/vegas wordplay was dope, but i wished you built up more on that subject, so rewording it in such a way and add slot machines in the end punch wouldve nice as hell.. anyway, so right now your setup is talkin bout his lines are weak, and he should upgrade his verse, after that, it seems you were tryin to do another wordplay with cause heknow ma sheen/casino machine' again some very creative wordplay,... so your tryin to say the dude knows your 'sheen' or shine is sayin alot about you,.. this is where you lose the idea as we proceed further towards your endrhyme.. you talkin bout his lines in the begining, then end with OCK, (which is a very poor 'filler word to make a multi work'), and him being jealous of you cause you got a winning match.. just throwin a 'reference' wordplay/ word' in your setup doesnt necessarily make for an actual relavent setup.. remember think of 1 idea/concept being broken down into 2 lines..like telling a complete story in 2 bars.. so instead of throwing 'reference nouns' about the main concept, sometimes all you need to do is keep it simple and introduce/buildup to what your about to throw at your opponent.. i think the biggest positive about these bars, is the length which is not too wordy, pretty on point..

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

violent scripture- I'm sure that you'll probably think it's FLY WHEN YOU PLOT A SCHEME, but you couldn't "separate words or say jack" if you TRIED AN APOSTROPHE so you could never "sell your changed lot" even if you had us BUYING A SLOT MACHINE
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^okay, the setup was pretty good, i see where its heading, your talkin bout your opponent coming up wit schemes for his verse, then you came wit a jabbish but decent sub concept , but after that i could not understand the 'sell your changed lot', what is that sopposed to mean? first off it doesnt come off sounding natural.. could you honestly imagine someone in conversation sayin that.. secondly, how does it relate to your buildup? as its written a reader will not see the connection.. are you sayin he couldnt sell his bars to get a win ? is he changing his verse too many times? how is it a diss? thats damaging.. when doing a concept, you need to ask yourself these questions... whats the point you were tryin to convey, does it relate to your build? it was a really disappointing end.. not to mention, changed lot, and slot machine doesnt really connect well, other than the key word change'd, slot machines eat money, and give out change, they have arms to pull, they spin fruits, triple pictures, jackpots, come in rows,, you can come up with your own 'connection' that could be a pun for a diss on your opponent.. so ex. i could say , once i 'pull these arms', one shot 'll get this 'fruit spinnin' quicker than FACES ON SLOT MACHINES... here we establish a connection 'pull these arms', then we add to it wit 'fruit spinning' etc. etc..any way bottom line is setup was good, but end punch faltered.

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

xplissit content- I'm 'Slotted For Success' Man MY TEAM IS FAMOUS I 'Shoot Crap' to leave ya 'Spellbound' I'm A FEINDIN MAGUS So watch me 'Pull da Rod down' leave ya 'Spillin the insides' Like MACHINES IN VEGAS

^^^^^^^^okay i like the fact that the bars are not wordy, you already establishing a build /idea [slotted for success], dunno bout the 'shoot crap' tho, kinda sounds like a self diss.lol, and whats a feindin magus?magus is the study of magic, or something to do with it, so how is feinding/ wanting connect wit spell bound/ tied up wit spells/or heading to spells.. if im interpreting 'bound' with 2 meanings.. so other than the 'shoot crap' part, that whole line leading up to magus is basically 'filler' and is not really needed. 'pull the rod down'? are you sayin your gonna pull down a gun? what is rod in this context, other than a thrown in 'reference' to ya slot machines... 'rod' normally means penis , so your pulling your opponents penis down?lol in order to spill whats inside of it? ewwww...wordin can make a difference between a harding hitting punch, or a homoerotic one... i'd probably omit the rod part and add something that mentions your crew, since you started ya bar with a mention of team... because i was diggin the 'spillin the insides' alot... anyway, a decent 2 bars that would hit harder with some rewording or word omitting...

---------- Post added at 03:39 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:00 AM ----------

1. XplicitKontent
2.nicholas
3.los
4.row
5.violent scripture
6.prospect

[ILLoKWENT]

ROUND 2 JUDGEMENT:
SKIN EC'S VOTE:
1-los
2-xk
3-nicholas
4-row
5-vs
6-prospect


EtH'S VOTE:
Los, remember that this is a diss bar. You bragged about having a gun and having money. That's okay for a cypher, but in EVERY line of this style, aim it at a target.

ProspectJS, I wouldn't call it a "trigger" on a slot machine, and the 99.9% of slot machines don't have "strikes". Also, how come you just said a completely irrelevant thing at the end. The concept was slot machine, NOTHING else.

Urban, when the punches thrown your corner for Nick? What does that mean? The idea with bars was pretty dope, but I don't get why you went to the order the drink route instead of sticking to the slot machine one.

Row, I don't really get how push luck, being engaged, and winning the slots connects? Are you saying that A wife would push her husband's luck if he was on a winning streak? To me, it was a big vague. Your rhyming wasn't top notch either.

Violent, I didn't really get the "sell your changed lot". I know your reference is that you win change or something, but I didn't really get where the flip was. Also, I feel you went a bit too long with your multi scheme.

XK, watch me pull the rod down? Is that a new "Take out my gun" reference? Never heard if before and suspect you made it up . This was okay with the splling your insides idea, and how you didn't go straight with a generic concept from the get go.

1. XplicitKontent
2. Los
3. Nicholas
4. Row
5. Violent Scripture
6. ProspectJS

ILLOKWENT VOTE

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

LOS

if u 'playin games' ill make u DROP n LEAN, if i jump u, u can try to DODGE THE BEAM and ill 'pull for money' till my 'screen fulla digits' like a SLOT MACHINE!!

^^^^^^^ i like the simplicity of the bars here, nothing too wordy, to the point, relavence couldve been a bit better, considering 'playing games' is ya only reference to ya concept.. which isnt really a strong buildup.. imo.. and what do you mean 'screen fulla digits?' yes it relates to slot machines, but majority of slot machines show either 7's or fruits.. or 'bars' , if your talkin bout stickin him up and pullin his money, how do you end up wit a screen, wouldnt ya pockets be fulla loot, or digits.. wording here could be improved to give the reader a clearer picture..

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

PROSPECT JS-
a nice hit? that's something I'll DOUBT-YOU'LL-DROP cus ya career's based on a slot machine so once u 'pull the trigger' and miss for ya '3rd strike', ima end ya ROUTE-TO-THE-TOP.. now we gon hear ya MOUTH-RUN-ALOT, once u finally face common sense and see ya funeral's being arranged for being 'OUT-IN-THE-BOX!'^^^^^^^^^^^^okay, first sentence leading to the first multi, length was decent, but then gets way too wordy towards the next multi, which throws the flow off,when someone reads this, after a certain length their expecting another multi, which is like timing of scheme/flow.. plus you seem to be explaining too much in that line as well.. keep it shorter, and get ya point across quicker, plus how is his career a slot machine? is his career based on shooting people? and if route to the top is your end punch, it is pretty weak... because 1. it doesnt really relate to 3rd strike, nor 2.' pull the trigger'.. which relates more towards slot machine, then 'route to the top'.. in this sense, slot machine shouldve been mentioned in your punchline bar.. rather than the middle of a long runon line.. im not gonna critique the last 2 lines because they are irrelavent to the slot machine concept..

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

nicholas-'No Gamble' in this 'Bout' when the 'Punches Thrown' your CORNER FOR NICK!You couldn't make 'Money with Bars' on a slot machine while you ORDER YOUR DRINK!We don't 'Match Up' see I'm TAKING HEAVY WINS vs Vets, but it's not gambling habits when you're 'Hitting The Box for a Result' and just end up BREAKING EVERYTHING!^^^^^^^^okay first line read a bit awkward, and doesnt really sound too natural.. you need to always read what your writing and think to yourself, is this how someone would normally speak? what is CORNER FOR NICK'? so if the punches thrown, its from 'your corner' and aimed at nick? wording here is key to the strength of a bar.. cause right now, it seems like a forced multi, wit words put together to make the scheme work.. make money wit bars relates to slot machines and order drinks, but the way its written seems like ordering drinks is the main concept, and slot machines is just thrown in there.. i'd probably have said 'make money wit bars' TAKING SHOTS ON SLOT MACHINES..or something.. wit 'taking shots 'relating to going to bars, and making money refering to slot machines, while making the concept 'slot machines' more pronounced. heading towards your next 2 bars, i feel was more superior, in setup and concept.. although slot machines wasnt obviously written, the reference words like 'hitting the box for results', and match up' all insinuate slot machine..wording couldve been a bit better, i wouldve said,we dont 'match up n' drops' cause when slots match up, money drops in the bin.. also, the end punchline, couldve used less words, to get your point across.. good effort tho, with these lines.

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

ROW-his lines? “vague as” hell, he should be upGRADIN’ HIS DROP “cause he know ma sheen” be SAYIN’ A LOT so don’t “push luck” unless youre enRAGED WIT YA OCK who got matchin 7’s while PLAYIN THE SLOTS! ^^^^^^^^^first off, your vague as/vegas wordplay was dope, but i wished you built up more on that subject, so rewording it in such a way and add slot machines in the end punch wouldve nice as hell.. anyway, so right now your setup is talkin bout his lines are weak, and he should upgrade his verse, after that, it seems you were tryin to do another wordplay with cause heknow ma sheen/casino machine' again some very creative wordplay,... so your tryin to say the dude knows your 'sheen' or shine is sayin alot about you,.. this is where you lose the idea as we proceed further towards your endrhyme.. you talkin bout his lines in the begining, then end with OCK, (which is a very poor 'filler word to make a multi work'), and him being jealous of you cause you got a winning match.. just throwin a 'reference' wordplay/ word' in your setup doesnt necessarily make for an actual relavent setup.. remember think of 1 idea/concept being broken down into 2 lines..like telling a complete story in 2 bars.. so instead of throwing 'reference nouns' about the main concept, sometimes all you need to do is keep it simple and introduce/buildup to what your about to throw at your opponent.. i think the biggest positive about these bars, is the length which is not too wordy, pretty on point..

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

violent scripture- I'm sure that you'll probably think it's FLY WHEN YOU PLOT A SCHEME, but you couldn't "separate words or say jack" if you TRIED AN APOSTROPHE so you could never "sell your changed lot" even if you had us BUYING A SLOT MACHINE
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^okay, the setup was pretty good, i see where its heading, your talkin bout your opponent coming up wit schemes for his verse, then you came wit a jabbish but decent sub concept , but after that i could not understand the 'sell your changed lot', what is that sopposed to mean? first off it doesnt come off sounding natural.. could you honestly imagine someone in conversation sayin that.. secondly, how does it relate to your buildup? as its written a reader will not see the connection.. are you sayin he couldnt sell his bars to get a win ? is he changing his verse too many times? how is it a diss? thats damaging.. when doing a concept, you need to ask yourself these questions... whats the point you were tryin to convey, does it relate to your build? it was a really disappointing end.. not to mention, changed lot, and slot machine doesnt really connect well, other than the key word change'd, slot machines eat money, and give out change, they have arms to pull, they spin fruits, triple pictures, jackpots, come in rows,, you can come up with your own 'connection' that could be a pun for a diss on your opponent.. so ex. i could say , once i 'pull these arms', one shot 'll get this 'fruit spinnin' quicker than FACES ON SLOT MACHINES... here we establish a connection 'pull these arms', then we add to it wit 'fruit spinning' etc. etc..any way bottom line is setup was good, but end punch faltered.

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

xplissit content- I'm 'Slotted For Success' Man MY TEAM IS FAMOUS I 'Shoot Crap' to leave ya 'Spellbound' I'm A FEINDIN MAGUS So watch me 'Pull da Rod down' leave ya 'Spillin the insides' Like MACHINES IN VEGAS

^^^^^^^^okay i like the fact that the bars are not wordy, you already establishing a build /idea [slotted for success], dunno bout the 'shoot crap' tho, kinda sounds like a self diss.lol, and whats a feindin magus?magus is the study of magic, or something to do with it, so how is feinding/ wanting connect wit spell bound/ tied up wit spells/or heading to spells.. if im interpreting 'bound' with 2 meanings.. so other than the 'shoot crap' part, that whole line leading up to magus is basically 'filler' and is not really needed. 'pull the rod down'? are you sayin your gonna pull down a gun? what is rod in this context, other than a thrown in 'reference' to ya slot machines... 'rod' normally means penis , so your pulling your opponents penis down?lol in order to spill whats inside of it? ewwww...wordin can make a difference between a harding hitting punch, or a homoerotic one... i'd probably omit the rod part and add something that mentions your crew, since you started ya bar with a mention of team... because i was diggin the 'spillin the insides' alot... anyway, a decent 2 bars that would hit harder with some rewording or word omitting...

---------- Post added at 03:39 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:00 AM ----------

1. XplicitKontent
2.nicholas
3.los
4.row
5.violent scripture
6.prospect

[RULE]

Special guest judge the ruler in the buildingggg!


Ok basically ima read the battle, read your expo's & votes and rate you guys in order of vote accuracy (imo) and maybe a lil expo myself.


XK: Your vote was ok i guess. Telling them to reference established battlers is always a good idea, i felt you were right to mention that the rebuttal was a positive move, even if it was a shit one lol. You mentioned that one had a high punch count, i personally didnt see anything that resembled a punch at all. Maybe the second guys closer but thats it. Theres a difference between being agressive and crafting an actual punchline and i think not pointing this out is a real negative as far has helpng the guys elevate. Basically i think you had the right winner, and the rates were pretty much what i had. (2-2). Holla


Row: Mentioning the full boxes was probably a wise move considering how fresh they dudes are. Also pointing out the error of wasting room on self hype bars also was a good tip. You gave a good reason for picking your winner (going with the one who was more agressive). I personally chose the other guy but can see why you went the other way. All in all a solid vote. Holla


Nicholas: "Jay you need to fill the box, don't put yourself at a disadvantage." - His box WAS full?? Not sure what happened there but it looks fine to me. Mentioning the poor spelling and the effect it can have on the reader was wise, deffly a good thing to point out. I found your explanation of schemes to be a lil confusing. I understand what you were trying to explain but i dont think as it was written, i think the expo would cause more confusion than it solved. avatar advice was also good, helps them look at the big picture. Holla


Lockhart: Your expo was spot on until you started talking about wordplay. "I'm tying both verses wordplay together with this because in terms of simple wordplay, both were so-so because of using like comparisons, but nothing really jumped out in the wordplay department. ." ------ I didnt see a single example of wordplay from either. I dont see how you could critise a method they didnt even use. Your tips afterwards were helpful but again this kinda threw me. the first half of the expo touched on the issues of syllables, punchlines and self hype which was spot on. The wordplay critque had me baffled tho so make sure your giving advice on methods actually used. Holla


Los: you kinda kept it short and sweet. you touched on the same things the rest did so i wont go into that. again try not to give these rookies too much to learn too fast. when you start dropping a list of things to improve on your risk overwhelming them and letting nothing get through at all. Holla


Prospect: "my winner came w/ some better polished set-ups & a smoother flow than his opponent." i think you're being way too soft with an expo like that. the set-ups from both were extremely basic and the one syllable style lent to a weak flow from both. Dont feel the need to baby the rookies, it wont help them if they think there are already "polished". now on the flip side... "the punches he was throwing were barely connecting or causing much damage to his opponent.. it just made me flow through his verse w/o running into any impact which is basically what punchlines are suppose to deliver" this is as good an explanation of punchlines and lack-of, as ive read in a while. Props for that. And also mentioning the positives of using concepts like sandy hook / boston marathon was a good piece of advice. "my loser had a couple of forced wordplay which made most of his punches irrelevant. like, the "speratic/erratic" one, both of the words rhyme but dont sound the same and that alone made the whole punch go down the road." - again like i mentioned to one of the other dudes, there wasnt any wordplay at all in either verse. I dont think the "speratic/erratic" bar was a wordplay attempt, the puncutation was poor but yeah i dont think that was a wordplay attempt. all in all i thought this was a good vote with a lot of positives. Holla.



Overall: i think Prospect had the best vote of the bunch, the expo was very solid imo. Row, Lockhart & Los would be next fort me, both expos were good for the most part. XKand then Nick come behind the others on this occassion *pause*. Both had good pieces of advice but also caused confusion, in particular nick. You have to word your expos carefully and not give people more than they can take.

Anyways thats my story and i RULE so im right

@ILLoKWENT all 6 seem straight to me, and even the ones i placed lower out of the 6 can be and will be positive members in the voting scene.

Holla.

1/

1.prospect
2.row
3.lockhart
4.los
5.xplisit content
6.nicholas

[RULE]

Special guest judge the ruler in the buildingggg!


Ok basically ima read the battle, read your expo's & votes and rate you guys in order of vote accuracy (imo) and maybe a lil expo myself.


XK: Your vote was ok i guess. Telling them to reference established battlers is always a good idea, i felt you were right to mention that the rebuttal was a positive move, even if it was a shit one lol. You mentioned that one had a high punch count, i personally didnt see anything that resembled a punch at all. Maybe the second guys closer but thats it. Theres a difference between being agressive and crafting an actual punchline and i think not pointing this out is a real negative as far has helpng the guys elevate. Basically i think you had the right winner, and the rates were pretty much what i had. (2-2). Holla


Row: Mentioning the full boxes was probably a wise move considering how fresh they dudes are. Also pointing out the error of wasting room on self hype bars also was a good tip. You gave a good reason for picking your winner (going with the one who was more agressive). I personally chose the other guy but can see why you went the other way. All in all a solid vote. Holla


Nicholas: "Jay you need to fill the box, don't put yourself at a disadvantage." - His box WAS full?? Not sure what happened there but it looks fine to me. Mentioning the poor spelling and the effect it can have on the reader was wise, deffly a good thing to point out. I found your explanation of schemes to be a lil confusing. I understand what you were trying to explain but i dont think as it was written, i think the expo would cause more confusion than it solved. avatar advice was also good, helps them look at the big picture. Holla


Lockhart: Your expo was spot on until you started talking about wordplay. "I'm tying both verses wordplay together with this because in terms of simple wordplay, both were so-so because of using like comparisons, but nothing really jumped out in the wordplay department. ." ------ I didnt see a single example of wordplay from either. I dont see how you could critise a method they didnt even use. Your tips afterwards were helpful but again this kinda threw me. the first half of the expo touched on the issues of syllables, punchlines and self hype which was spot on. The wordplay critque had me baffled tho so make sure your giving advice on methods actually used. Holla


Los: you kinda kept it short and sweet. you touched on the same things the rest did so i wont go into that. again try not to give these rookies too much to learn too fast. when you start dropping a list of things to improve on your risk overwhelming them and letting nothing get through at all. Holla


Prospect: "my winner came w/ some better polished set-ups & a smoother flow than his opponent." i think you're being way too soft with an expo like that. the set-ups from both were extremely basic and the one syllable style lent to a weak flow from both. Dont feel the need to baby the rookies, it wont help them if they think there are already "polished". now on the flip side... "the punches he was throwing were barely connecting or causing much damage to his opponent.. it just made me flow through his verse w/o running into any impact which is basically what punchlines are suppose to deliver" this is as good an explanation of punchlines and lack-of, as ive read in a while. Props for that. And also mentioning the positives of using concepts like sandy hook / boston marathon was a good piece of advice. "my loser had a couple of forced wordplay which made most of his punches irrelevant. like, the "speratic/erratic" one, both of the words rhyme but dont sound the same and that alone made the whole punch go down the road." - again like i mentioned to one of the other dudes, there wasnt any wordplay at all in either verse. I dont think the "speratic/erratic" bar was a wordplay attempt, the puncutation was poor but yeah i dont think that was a wordplay attempt. all in all i thought this was a good vote with a lot of positives. Holla.



Overall: i think Prospect had the best vote of the bunch, the expo was very solid imo. Row, Lockhart & Los would be next fort me, both expos were good for the most part. XKand then Nick come behind the others on this occassion *pause*. Both had good pieces of advice but also caused confusion, in particular nick. You have to word your expos carefully and not give people more than they can take.

Anyways thats my story and i RULE so im right

@ILLoKWENT all 6 seem straight to me, and even the ones i placed lower out of the 6 can be and will be positive members in the voting scene.

Holla.

1/

1.prospect
2.row
3.lockhart
4.los
5.xplisit content
6.nicholas

XplicitKontent, you said "structure is important", but these guys don't know what that means. You have to assume they are 100% clueless. You didn't really give them anything specific to look out for or fix, you just said that the vets would help them out. You need to give them some sort of guidance and not write them off for the time being completely.

Row, I felt you could have maybe said their flow was good or something. A slight uplifter to get them motivated. I felt you listed some things which will help them improve though. The only real downside was congratulating them on filling the box. Thats like congratulating a bird for flying.

Nick, I think you might have scared them off with the set up rhyme - punchline rhyme stuff. That's a lot to take in for their level. I also didnt think that you were clear enough after you exampled some multis, because to them it could look like capping words is all you need, which is my biggest annoyance on LB. All the same, I think you were insightive enough, and at the beginning of your vote explained some stuff in a simplistic and clear fashion.

Lockhart, "major", "serious", "hard work". These terms really make the guys feel like this is going from a bit of fun to a lifelong hobby, and unless you're me, that's a bad thing . You want to make it seem like they could work on it, but keep it fun. You helped them out by listing their flaws, but I feel in this case you went into too much detail and they wouldn't have read or understood all of it.

Los, although a tiny bit of confusing around punchlines, I think you were very simplistic and would motivate them to go at it again. Not too much to be said on it as there wasn't really any downsides.

prospectJS, I think you were very motivational to them in telling them their upsides to a lot detail, and then mixing the bad in with the good. Besides letting who you voted for slip, I think that although you went into depth, you didn't seem to scare them off and they would have been able to follow the vote all the way through.

1. Los
2. prospectJS
3. Nick
4. Lockhart
4. Row
5. XplicitKontent

XplicitKontent, you said "structure is important", but these guys don't know what that means. You have to assume they are 100% clueless. You didn't really give them anything specific to look out for or fix, you just said that the vets would help them out. You need to give them some sort of guidance and not write them off for the time being completely.

Row, I felt you could have maybe said their flow was good or something. A slight uplifter to get them motivated. I felt you listed some things which will help them improve though. The only real downside was congratulating them on filling the box. Thats like congratulating a bird for flying.

Nick, I think you might have scared them off with the set up rhyme - punchline rhyme stuff. That's a lot to take in for their level. I also didnt think that you were clear enough after you exampled some multis, because to them it could look like capping words is all you need, which is my biggest annoyance on LB. All the same, I think you were insightive enough, and at the beginning of your vote explained some stuff in a simplistic and clear fashion.

Lockhart, "major", "serious", "hard work". These terms really make the guys feel like this is going from a bit of fun to a lifelong hobby, and unless you're me, that's a bad thing . You want to make it seem like they could work on it, but keep it fun. You helped them out by listing their flaws, but I feel in this case you went into too much detail and they wouldn't have read or understood all of it.

Los, although a tiny bit of confusing around punchlines, I think you were very simplistic and would motivate them to go at it again. Not too much to be said on it as there wasn't really any downsides.

prospectJS, I think you were very motivational to them in telling them their upsides to a lot detail, and then mixing the bad in with the good. Besides letting who you voted for slip, I think that although you went into depth, you didn't seem to scare them off and they would have been able to follow the vote all the way through.

1. Los
2. prospectJS
3. Nick
4. Lockhart
4. Row
5. XplicitKontent