Askari vs JokesOnU (Round 1) Askari wins!

[IV]

Askari vs JokesOnU

House rules apply. Any questions, contact me.

Check ins are due Monday (March 5th) at 11.59PM EST
Verses are due Friday (March 9th) at 11.59PM EST

Line length; 20-60 lines
3-0 K.O or first to 5 votes

Your image is from The Bride Of Chuckie. Interpret your picture in any way you see fit!

Voting Rubix
Rhyming Scheme/Flow
Vocabulary
Topic/Meaning
Storytelling/Progression
Emotion
Imagery
Poetic Techniques
Ending

[IV]

Askari vs JokesOnU

House rules apply. Any questions, contact me.

Check ins are due Monday (March 5th) at 11.59PM EST
Verses are due Friday (March 9th) at 11.59PM EST

Line length; 20-60 lines
3-0 K.O or first to 5 votes

Your image is from The Bride Of Chuckie. Interpret your picture in any way you see fit!

Voting Rubix
Rhyming Scheme/Flow
Vocabulary
Topic/Meaning
Storytelling/Progression
Emotion
Imagery
Poetic Techniques
Ending

[IV]

@Askari @JokesOnYou please check in by tomorrow (monday) at 11.59pm EST

[IV]

@Askari @JokesOnYou please check in by tomorrow (monday) at 11.59pm EST

[JokesOnYou]

Checking in is that how i do it???

---------- Post added at 09:52 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:51 PM ----------

@Verity checking in

[JokesOnYou]

Checking in is that how i do it???

---------- Post added at 09:52 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:51 PM ----------

@Verity checking in

[Askari]

@Verity checking in.

[Askari]

@Verity checking in.

[Askari]

Baby, why you so mad?
I watched her innocence gleam silver on a dagger of truth..
Nightmer over. Awaking in a red cold sweat,
Peace is resumed.
She was there again, perched in an ice castle
built on meretricious promises,
Somnoloent, loathesome,
I marched toward her in a line that did not just consist of me,
but a precession of a million men marching melancholically -
Step, drag, step, haul,
Follow the leader, follow the pall.
I recalled as a halcyon view caught my eye,
The sigh of fecundity, blossom & sky:
She tried to kill me in a dream, for what seemed a crime,
A trial, judge and sentence that she'd provide.
I recalled as my phone's exasperating ring
Interrupted a participation in a terrible thing,
Switching to silent, carrying on,
Follow the leader, follow the pall.
Rumours spread like crows to the hollering shotgun.
To alter the outcome I had to move fast
But the rumours rolled and were read rapidly
Before them into hell I could cast.
Yes. I did it. I know. It was bad.
But I swear to you now it'll never happen again.
Baby, why you so mad?
I watched her innocence gleam silver in a dagger of truth
And pinched myself to no avail,
This was no nightmare, this was no dream,
This was a king being killed by his queen.
The silver sunk softly into my soul,
the red blood flowed brilliantly from the sweetest wound,
Releiving me of a burden with a smile
With not pain or resentment:
Merely a stab of repentance.
A million melancholic men watched as I was marched toward the ice castle,
Family following, friends and all,
Step, drag, step, haul,
Follow the leader, follow the pall.

[Askari]

Baby, why you so mad?
I watched her innocence gleam silver on a dagger of truth..
Nightmer over. Awaking in a red cold sweat,
Peace is resumed.
She was there again, perched in an ice castle
built on meretricious promises,
Somnoloent, loathesome,
I marched toward her in a line that did not just consist of me,
but a precession of a million men marching melancholically -
Step, drag, step, haul,
Follow the leader, follow the pall.
I recalled as a halcyon view caught my eye,
The sigh of fecundity, blossom & sky:
She tried to kill me in a dream, for what seemed a crime,
A trial, judge and sentence that she'd provide.
I recalled as my phone's exasperating ring
Interrupted a participation in a terrible thing,
Switching to silent, carrying on,
Follow the leader, follow the pall.
Rumours spread like crows to the hollering shotgun.
To alter the outcome I had to move fast
But the rumours rolled and were read rapidly
Before them into hell I could cast.
Yes. I did it. I know. It was bad.
But I swear to you now it'll never happen again.
Baby, why you so mad?
I watched her innocence gleam silver in a dagger of truth
And pinched myself to no avail,
This was no nightmare, this was no dream,
This was a king being killed by his queen.
The silver sunk softly into my soul,
the red blood flowed brilliantly from the sweetest wound,
Releiving me of a burden with a smile
With not pain or resentment:
Merely a stab of repentance.
A million melancholic men watched as I was marched toward the ice castle,
Family following, friends and all,
Step, drag, step, haul,
Follow the leader, follow the pall.

[JokesOnYou]

Im going to show you another side to Chucky
even the love for his bride if your lucky
hand made in a factory actually
created for good cant you see??
things went wrong hes not what hes suppose to be
hunting for the next kill but it aint that easy standing two foot three
small man syndrome kicking in constantly
causing pain and hurt thats some what close to me
until he happened to find the one in unholy matramone
many murders commited with the knife
together with his wife on a way to a better life
hes got to do what hes go to do
slashing you is what gets him thru
struggle and pain could never subdew
but its some how easier when there is two
impossible to know how he was desired
his small but genius brain needs rewired
the knife his first weapon of choice
but the fear truly comes from his voice
eyes of pure evil
they say suspence is a killer like evil kanevil
but for chucky a real life is beyond retrevil

[JokesOnYou]

Im going to show you another side to Chucky
even the love for his bride if your lucky
hand made in a factory actually
created for good cant you see??
things went wrong hes not what hes suppose to be
hunting for the next kill but it aint that easy standing two foot three
small man syndrome kicking in constantly
causing pain and hurt thats some what close to me
until he happened to find the one in unholy matramone
many murders commited with the knife
together with his wife on a way to a better life
hes got to do what hes go to do
slashing you is what gets him thru
struggle and pain could never subdew
but its some how easier when there is two
impossible to know how he was desired
his small but genius brain needs rewired
the knife his first weapon of choice
but the fear truly comes from his voice
eyes of pure evil
they say suspence is a killer like evil kanevil
but for chucky a real life is beyond retrevil

[IV]

Open for votes, bumpin' to the top. Thanks for submitting and good luck!

[IV]

Open for votes, bumpin' to the top. Thanks for submitting and good luck!

[IV]

First off, thanks to both of you for posting and making the effort!

Voting Rubix

Rhyming Scheme/Flow - Askari - Nice throughout, more complex and switched the rhyme scheme occasionally which was clever. Jokes you had a basic scheme which isn't always a bad thing but I think on this occasion Ask took it.

Vocabulary - Askari - Much wider range of vocab used. J you were very basic, try push up that vocab and you'll instantly become more complex.

Topic/Meaning - JokesOnYou - I actually think what you did was really clever, I'm not even 100% sure you MEANT to do this but to me it felt as if it was a parent reading a scary story to their child, like a scary nursery rhyme type piece? That's how it flowed to me and the sense I got from it anyway, and it stuck very well to the picture in a more 'obvious' way than Askari, liked it.

Storytelling/Progression - Askari - Had a clearer beginning, middle section and ending. Jokes, your verse could have kept going if you wanted, good beginning though but I didn't feel as if there was a clear enough ending for it to be a story piece.

Emotion - Askari - Felt more emotion from his verse.

Imagery - JokesOnYou - I think the imagery was more blatant in your gory nursery-rhyme style.

Poetic Techniques - Askari - Good use of repetition throughout, nice short sentences used to create tension. J you didn't use many poetic techniques, maybe they wouldn't have fit your verse, try it out next time.

Ending - Askari - Ending on the repeated line was really clever, pulled the whole piece together and would leave the reader satisfied with the ending. J, your ending wasn't very clear.

Overall MVGT - Askari - Nice verse, good use of poetic techniques and grammar! Good concept in mind and enjoyed it as a whole. Some advice would be work on the imagery. J, like I previously said I like how your verse came across as a gory nursery rhyme, I think it was clever, though it was still very basic, the fundamentals are there but I think you could build on them and add more layers and new techniques to your writing. (Vocab, complexity, repetition, clearer endings etc). Thanks for both submitting, really enjoyed this. Good luck to whoever progresses.

[IV]

First off, thanks to both of you for posting and making the effort!

Voting Rubix

Rhyming Scheme/Flow - Askari - Nice throughout, more complex and switched the rhyme scheme occasionally which was clever. Jokes you had a basic scheme which isn't always a bad thing but I think on this occasion Ask took it.

Vocabulary - Askari - Much wider range of vocab used. J you were very basic, try push up that vocab and you'll instantly become more complex.

Topic/Meaning - JokesOnYou - I actually think what you did was really clever, I'm not even 100% sure you MEANT to do this but to me it felt as if it was a parent reading a scary story to their child, like a scary nursery rhyme type piece? That's how it flowed to me and the sense I got from it anyway, and it stuck very well to the picture in a more 'obvious' way than Askari, liked it.

Storytelling/Progression - Askari - Had a clearer beginning, middle section and ending. Jokes, your verse could have kept going if you wanted, good beginning though but I didn't feel as if there was a clear enough ending for it to be a story piece.

Emotion - Askari - Felt more emotion from his verse.

Imagery - JokesOnYou - I think the imagery was more blatant in your gory nursery-rhyme style.

Poetic Techniques - Askari - Good use of repetition throughout, nice short sentences used to create tension. J you didn't use many poetic techniques, maybe they wouldn't have fit your verse, try it out next time.

Ending - Askari - Ending on the repeated line was really clever, pulled the whole piece together and would leave the reader satisfied with the ending. J, your ending wasn't very clear.

Overall MVGT - Askari - Nice verse, good use of poetic techniques and grammar! Good concept in mind and enjoyed it as a whole. Some advice would be work on the imagery. J, like I previously said I like how your verse came across as a gory nursery rhyme, I think it was clever, though it was still very basic, the fundamentals are there but I think you could build on them and add more layers and new techniques to your writing. (Vocab, complexity, repetition, clearer endings etc). Thanks for both submitting, really enjoyed this. Good luck to whoever progresses.

[Revan]

Voting Rubix

Rhyming Scheme/Flow; Askari
Vocabulary; Askari
Topic/Meaning; Askari
Storytelling/Progression; Askari
Emotion; Askari
Imagery; JokesOnYou
Poetic Techniques; Askari
Ending; Askari

MVGT; Askari. It seemed to me that simply one tried harder and was much more skilled in this clash.

[Revan]

Voting Rubix

Rhyming Scheme/Flow; Askari
Vocabulary; Askari
Topic/Meaning; Askari
Storytelling/Progression; Askari
Emotion; Askari
Imagery; JokesOnYou
Poetic Techniques; Askari
Ending; Askari

MVGT; Askari. It seemed to me that simply one tried harder and was much more skilled in this clash.

[JokesOnYou]

Thanks for voting it was my first ever!! didnt reali understand how to do it so thts y it was basic lol lookin forward to the next !! @Verity naaa i didnt notice tht i did tht but i was defintli going for the outside opion ,,,

[JokesOnYou]

Thanks for voting it was my first ever!! didnt reali understand how to do it so thts y it was basic lol lookin forward to the next !! @Verity naaa i didnt notice tht i did tht but i was defintli going for the outside opion ,,,