Can someone thouroughly explain.. - Page 2 - Lets Beef

**Astronomical** · #1 02-26-2010, 01:20 PM

Dropped a fair one kids.

**Astronomical** · 02-26-2010, 01:20 PM

Dropped a fair one kids.

**AkRid_ArTz** · #2 02-26-2010, 01:21 PM

Aight I'll explain...

First off this is swaying... shame on you... lol

This is my First-Battle and im ready to Burst-Tackles escaping the Earths-Shackles.
Yes, im 'scary,-dude-see's-this' so I 'dare-he/dairy-to-be-sick' like the Worst-Cattle!!!

(This bar has forced wordplay because when you say it out, "dare he to be sick" doesn't make sense, which then leads to forced multies. First line there is no punchline or anything so the opener is a lil off)

Granular is Back-Ocks chillin on his Laptop.. Gats-Cocked with the Caps-Lock'd.
I want u "two tri" like 'bike-frames'. But u couldnt 'strike-flames' if u were a Match-Box!!!

(In this bar you have a really played out punch Match Box... never use it again. and the wordplay used is not effective really at all)

Im Great-U-Knew-This! This Fake-Is-Stupid. Fuck “gardening”! I’ll Break-Ya-Two-Lips/Tulips.
Im ‘known-in-front-lines’ and to be ‘throwin-punchlines’ so opponents ‘Face’-The-Music!!!

(This line actually... to me personally... it ain't bad really, not too strong but not bad duke.)

Look wit “dis knee’s/disney’s”, this fags a Fruity-One. Suckin cock, which I Knew-He-Loved!
So what will this ‘whore-preach’ cuz if ‘u’re beast’ then we’ll see ‘Beauty’-Run!!

(Disney's wordplay been used way too much on here... especially against DizzThaDogg... And the finisher kind of back fires... u said if he's beast... we'll see beauty run... does that make you beauty? you know what I mean)

And last but not least try and fill your box up.
Thats my explanation.

**AkRid_ArTz** · 02-26-2010, 01:21 PM

Aight I'll explain...

First off this is swaying... shame on you... lol

This is my First-Battle and im ready to Burst-Tackles escaping the Earths-Shackles.
Yes, im 'scary,-dude-see's-this' so I 'dare-he/dairy-to-be-sick' like the Worst-Cattle!!!

(This bar has forced wordplay because when you say it out, "dare he to be sick" doesn't make sense, which then leads to forced multies. First line there is no punchline or anything so the opener is a lil off)

Granular is Back-Ocks chillin on his Laptop.. Gats-Cocked with the Caps-Lock'd.
I want u "two tri" like 'bike-frames'. But u couldnt 'strike-flames' if u were a Match-Box!!!

(In this bar you have a really played out punch Match Box... never use it again. and the wordplay used is not effective really at all)

Im Great-U-Knew-This! This Fake-Is-Stupid. Fuck “gardening”! I’ll Break-Ya-Two-Lips/Tulips.
Im ‘known-in-front-lines’ and to be ‘throwin-punchlines’ so opponents ‘Face’-The-Music!!!

(This line actually... to me personally... it ain't bad really, not too strong but not bad duke.)

Look wit “dis knee’s/disney’s”, this fags a Fruity-One. Suckin cock, which I Knew-He-Loved!
So what will this ‘whore-preach’ cuz if ‘u’re beast’ then we’ll see ‘Beauty’-Run!!

(Disney's wordplay been used way too much on here... especially against DizzThaDogg... And the finisher kind of back fires... u said if he's beast... we'll see beauty run... does that make you beauty? you know what I mean)

And last but not least try and fill your box up.
Thats my explanation.

Granular · #3 02-26-2010, 01:30 PM

Thanks for the fair vote Astronomical.

Thanks for the breakdown MUTE. Now why dont you breakdown JWall's?

Granular · 02-26-2010, 01:30 PM

Thanks for the fair vote Astronomical.

Thanks for the breakdown MUTE. Now why dont you breakdown JWall's?

**AkRid_ArTz** · #4 02-26-2010, 01:44 PM

Aight I will just to make it fair...

SCREW IT...I don't usually DO IT but I had to SNIPE A VERSE! I know "Bitches" don't like to FIGHT AT FIRST, Rather BUY A PURSE but she came out swingin hope No DYKE GETS HURT..

(Not the strongest opener... No real punch thats hard hitting. Flows on point and good multi use)

I am not one to START ANY TROUBLE, don't wanna "Bust" his HEART LIKE A BUBBLE cus I am like the "Flinstones" the way I BAR ANY RUBBLE/barney rubble..

(This was a good attempt but the wordplay was broken up a bit... but the concept was on point, structure could have been better though. this definately not the best I have seen from JWall)

You never TESTED THE BEST or BESTED A TEST, Killed anyone, Cardiac ARRESTED THE CHEST, Your the one with the "Wackness Disease" and you've INFESTED THE REST(new LB is weak)..

(This is alright on the entertainment level... but no real punch again thats too effective)

I'm not a Moltasanti!! I don't SNIPE TO GET THE WINS, but if you comeback LIGHT! FORGET TO SEND cus your "Crap" and I don't want to FIGHT THE SHIT AGAIN!!

(again the entertainment and flow is on point but the punches are lackin in yea verse duke... don;t forget its punches that viewers look for unless you a rider.)

I should do an OPEN MYSELF but someone would PM me HOPIN I HELP! I would just respond your verse is BROKEN I FELT!!

(Not good.)

Nope not a PUNCH, I'M JUST RAMBLIN', wanna know how to beat the Wall? Well heres a HUNCH, ITS JUST GAMBLIN'..

(Weak finisher really, no executed punch to finish him off)

It seems like JWaal, you've focused mainly on yea multies and yea flow, which was dope but you guys got to remember that, punches win yea battles. And JWall you may hve went light to face a new comer but always come hard because thats the only way one elevates. yah dig? straight criticism.

**AkRid_ArTz** · 02-26-2010, 01:44 PM

Aight I will just to make it fair...

SCREW IT...I don't usually DO IT but I had to SNIPE A VERSE! I know "Bitches" don't like to FIGHT AT FIRST, Rather BUY A PURSE but she came out swingin hope No DYKE GETS HURT..

(Not the strongest opener... No real punch thats hard hitting. Flows on point and good multi use)

I am not one to START ANY TROUBLE, don't wanna "Bust" his HEART LIKE A BUBBLE cus I am like the "Flinstones" the way I BAR ANY RUBBLE/barney rubble..

(This was a good attempt but the wordplay was broken up a bit... but the concept was on point, structure could have been better though. this definately not the best I have seen from JWall)

You never TESTED THE BEST or BESTED A TEST, Killed anyone, Cardiac ARRESTED THE CHEST, Your the one with the "Wackness Disease" and you've INFESTED THE REST(new LB is weak)..

(This is alright on the entertainment level... but no real punch again thats too effective)

I'm not a Moltasanti!! I don't SNIPE TO GET THE WINS, but if you comeback LIGHT! FORGET TO SEND cus your "Crap" and I don't want to FIGHT THE SHIT AGAIN!!

(again the entertainment and flow is on point but the punches are lackin in yea verse duke... don;t forget its punches that viewers look for unless you a rider.)

I should do an OPEN MYSELF but someone would PM me HOPIN I HELP! I would just respond your verse is BROKEN I FELT!!

(Not good.)

Nope not a PUNCH, I'M JUST RAMBLIN', wanna know how to beat the Wall? Well heres a HUNCH, ITS JUST GAMBLIN'..

(Weak finisher really, no executed punch to finish him off)

It seems like JWaal, you've focused mainly on yea multies and yea flow, which was dope but you guys got to remember that, punches win yea battles. And JWall you may hve went light to face a new comer but always come hard because thats the only way one elevates. yah dig? straight criticism.