Shodan's Topical League: COFFIN DODGER vs Lockhart

[Shodan]

Verses are due in this thread by January 13. 30-40 lines.

Quote prompt: Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

@COFFIN DODGER
@Lockhart

[Shodan]

Verses are due in this thread by January 13. 30-40 lines.

Quote prompt: Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

@COFFIN DODGER
@Lockhart

[Shodan]

@Lockhart @COFFIN DODGER CD asked for an extension, so you both get an extra day

[Shodan]

@Lockhart @COFFIN DODGER CD asked for an extension, so you both get an extra day

[COFFIN DODGER]

only god can change the world
the rest's up to us
a kindly word spoken
give up the seat on your bus
where there once was hate
you now only spread love
the eagle of war
replaced by peace of a dove
jealously is banished
chucked in the bin
replaced by a vow
to live free of sin
respect for fellow man
whatever his race
even if he's ginger
with moles on his face
to live in a world
thats free of hate
and keep on smiling
whatever your fate
there will be cries of joy
and tears of sorrow
a sad day will come
but a better tomorrow
no more killing babies
or the burning of towns
laughter and happiness
where once there were frowns
no more rapes
or senseless slaughters
no more fatherless sons
or motherless daughters
so dont pray for money
but hope for earths health
you can begin
by changing yourself .

[COFFIN DODGER]

only god can change the world
the rest's up to us
a kindly word spoken
give up the seat on your bus
where there once was hate
you now only spread love
the eagle of war
replaced by peace of a dove
jealously is banished
chucked in the bin
replaced by a vow
to live free of sin
respect for fellow man
whatever his race
even if he's ginger
with moles on his face
to live in a world
thats free of hate
and keep on smiling
whatever your fate
there will be cries of joy
and tears of sorrow
a sad day will come
but a better tomorrow
no more killing babies
or the burning of towns
laughter and happiness
where once there were frowns
no more rapes
or senseless slaughters
no more fatherless sons
or motherless daughters
so dont pray for money
but hope for earths health
you can begin
by changing yourself .

April 30th, 1945

America's about to have it's greatest win in sight
Based upon it's next assault, a quick invasion of the Reich.
Hitler's gazing out his window, he examines his blueprints
And see his camps have been damaged, they're now just shambles and ruins.
"Nien!", he bellows to his scribes in his office.
He knows he's soon to meet a fate with him inside of a coffin.
"My hard work has been turned to dust in this moment! For they are cutting through our defense how we rummaged through Poland's!"
"All I ever strived for would be Earth's greatest advance: Have the scum they call the Jews be concentrated in camps!"
He paused, then started having flashbacks of his life
To his unrelenting rage from when his dad had just died.
He had no other outlet, so he felt lost in life, then said, "What could quell my anger... Maybe Auschwitz might?"
He would walk through the furnace and see corpses of those that were burned alive, the first to die, and scorched to the bones.
He quietly laughed, "This will show how Berlin is the pearl and how the rise of the fuhrer is my service to the world."
Overtime, there would be more he would make as his targets like the obese, the unclean, the lame and retarded, he would state to his guards that, "All you're slaying is garbage."
He snapped back, and had a revelation inside that there's no way that he'd die to those not of his race or his kind.
He needed a way out, and a thought was proposed where
he would take his cyanide caps and swallow them whole
With no actual results, he grabbed a couple of shells and then loaded up his pistol and took the gun to himself.

In the after life, he noticed quick that something was strange.
Of course he had died, but really nothing had changed.
Too bad for him. He really earned his place in Hell.
He really tried to change the world, but never changed himself...

---------- Post added at 09:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:00 PM ----------

Expo: I only changed a couple of misspellings and typos. Nothing major.

April 30th, 1945

America's about to have it's greatest win in sight
Based upon it's next assault, a quick invasion of the Reich.
Hitler's gazing out his window, he examines his blueprints
And see his camps have been damaged, they're now just shambles and ruins.
"Nien!", he bellows to his scribes in his office.
He knows he's soon to meet a fate with him inside of a coffin.
"My hard work has been turned to dust in this moment! For they are cutting through our defense how we rummaged through Poland's!"
"All I ever strived for would be Earth's greatest advance: Have the scum they call the Jews be concentrated in camps!"
He paused, then started having flashbacks of his life
To his unrelenting rage from when his dad had just died.
He had no other outlet, so he felt lost in life, then said, "What could quell my anger... Maybe Auschwitz might?"
He would walk through the furnace and see corpses of those that were burned alive, the first to die, and scorched to the bones.
He quietly laughed, "This will show how Berlin is the pearl and how the rise of the fuhrer is my service to the world."
Overtime, there would be more he would make as his targets like the obese, the unclean, the lame and retarded, he would state to his guards that, "All you're slaying is garbage."
He snapped back, and had a revelation inside that there's no way that he'd die to those not of his race or his kind.
He needed a way out, and a thought was proposed where
he would take his cyanide caps and swallow them whole
With no actual results, he grabbed a couple of shells and then loaded up his pistol and took the gun to himself.

In the after life, he noticed quick that something was strange.
Of course he had died, but really nothing had changed.
Too bad for him. He really earned his place in Hell.
He really tried to change the world, but never changed himself...

---------- Post added at 09:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:00 PM ----------

Expo: I only changed a couple of misspellings and typos. Nothing major.

@Shodan

@Shodan

[Shodan]

Yes I know you posted @Lockhart

I just woke up and I'm still tired so it will be a bit before I vote

---------- Post added at 10:52 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:02 AM ----------

Alright, so this was a fairly easy decision. COFFIN DODGER, your take on the topic was very literal and didn't read anything into the given quote. "Unoriginality" like that isn't necessarily bad, but I felt like you were rushing this. The lines were very short, and the rhyming was too spaced out. Lockhart, this was a fairly average verse. The idea was okay, if not especially creative. Same with the execution.

Lockhart gets my vote for being superior in all areas to his opponent.

Also, voting is 3-0 or first to 5.

[Shodan]

Yes I know you posted @Lockhart

I just woke up and I'm still tired so it will be a bit before I vote

---------- Post added at 10:52 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:02 AM ----------

Alright, so this was a fairly easy decision. COFFIN DODGER, your take on the topic was very literal and didn't read anything into the given quote. "Unoriginality" like that isn't necessarily bad, but I felt like you were rushing this. The lines were very short, and the rhyming was too spaced out. Lockhart, this was a fairly average verse. The idea was okay, if not especially creative. Same with the execution.

Lockhart gets my vote for being superior in all areas to his opponent.

Also, voting is 3-0 or first to 5.