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2023 Grand Championship
Battle Feed
CCeee
vs
Dredd Tha Lead
Style: Written
1 Vote
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General Verse Feedback Thread.
Discussion Tools
08-03-2015
12:07 PM
Babylon
If Delic a' tessin me, TEARS'll be SHED. Wait, "delicatessen meat?" You're just HERE for the BREAD.
Super nice one bar jab, but once again it fails to hold that much of an impact because its leaning on a two syllable multi. Your concepts are pretty fire, you just need to work on your rhyming a bit.
Don't pretend you're SHOOTING TECHS. Your rounds are fake: this my MOVIE SET.
Very light jab, wouldn't use this if I were you as even though it is minutely creative the concept is so played you should only use it if you can be so creative with it other people still find it impressive. That's pretty much how played concepts work at least, if you drop an actually dope "dafeet" bar it could still impress people, its just harder to find that creativity in something that so many creative minds have put their spin on.
08-03-2015
12:08 PM
Babylon
You think you a player? You run from "THE BIRDS" You get "vertigo" then you mumble THE WORDS.
I don't really get this, perhaps this bar was mean to work with the next one but idk sorry. Either way tho the rhyming is your only probelm, that and some of the lighter jabs could be substituted for heavy bars all around and you'd be a monstrocity.
08-03-2015
12:11 PM
Babylon
I've got a "suspicion" you steal from your FRIENDS, G. But sneak in my "rear window" and you'll meet a "FRENZY" I'm killin your HOPE; no need fo gats BANGIN. I just need a "ROPE" . . . and with that I'll leave you HANGIN.
Same ish my dude, except these kinds of concepts are executed in a way that only ever works if you incorporate wordplay. The whole "name a bunch of movie titles then reference their director" or "reference a bunch of video game titles then say something about their Ex's Box" bars have to be executed SUPER well for them to be dope, kind of like the played concepts deal, but different. It's just that its so easy to mention a bunch of things that are relative to something that unless you're incorporating heavily complex metaphor and diverse wordplay it falls flat.
Good shit tho, keep posting!
08-03-2015
11:15 PM
Looksemoh
Thanks a bunch! Good tips. I appreciate your bar-for-bar breakdowns, since my mind tends to work in fragments, creatively speaking. If you've got time on yours hands for more, I'd love to hear your thoughts on my LBT verse vs CakedOut:
http://www.letsbeef.com/battle_detai...n=tb&id=489454
.
08-22-2015
11:42 PM
Featured
Is it ok to use a battle verse i Wrote yesterday on facebook, for some expo & ways to improve?? If not that's fine
08-23-2015
01:10 AM
Featured
Its was for The Lightweight Title On Fb
08-23-2015
05:31 AM
Featured
Part One..
Ah That "Miner/Minor" w/ His HUMBLE BELIEFS, Keep's "Digging For Dirt" But Cannot TUNNEL BENEATH, So Now He's "Switched Side's Like A Dime" & 'Creates Bar's" To BUNDLE IN THIEVES', Then Put's The "Steel To Feet/Feat" Acting Ready To RUMBLE W/ BEEF In This JUNGLE OF BEASTS!!
08-23-2015
05:32 AM
Featured
Part 2..
But Aye He Must Be "Smoking Da Cannabis" If He's CHOZEN TO STEP & Thinking He Will "DickRide The Win" Like A TOKEN OF DEBT, & By HOPING HIS REP Gets His Friends To OPEN THE NET & Stick to the "Rule Among'ts Them" That's UnSPOKEN TO VET'S!!
08-23-2015
05:33 AM
Featured
3..
'& Fucking w/ Me, Then Damn FEE CHOOSE TO SPREAD, By Banging More "German Couger's/Krugers'' Then THESE LOOSERS DREAD, Then i'll use "The Lazuract Syrum" To ReUSE THE DEAD", & Still Have Better Accompany Then Chozen Who "Hang's w/ More Snake's" & i Aint Talking MEDUSA'S HEAD!!
08-23-2015
05:33 AM
Featured
The Last Part..
& I Dont Need to "Spark Fire", cause w/ Bar's I Rotate/Wrote 8" Have Him Not FEELING THE BEST, & My Presence Has Him Taking It "Purse & All/Personal" When I'm Standing REAL IN THE FLESH, So I'll Cut Line's Like a Surgeon & Put My DRILLS TO THE TEST & Leave Ya Body Like The Stomach Of Iron Man W/ More STEEL IN YOUR CHEST!!
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