ItsNaturill:

Listen "dick", you wouldnt "focus in on smartness" with the "VISION OF GENIUS" First off, the wording here it poor. Vision of Genius read wrong as well, should have been Vision Of A Genius... you should Never sacrifice the basic fundementals of writing just to make a multi work. Also, "Focus in on smartness w/ the vision of genius" is hoenstly terrible, mate.  Foucs in on smartness... Surely there could have been far greater ways to say your opponent is unable to educate themselves? so after i "take out a fuck" it shows my "LYRICS IS CLEANEST"

How does "taking out a fuck" show that your lyrics are the cleanest? This doesn't make any sense my guy, its just another random line of filler to lead to the punchline. 

coz when i say "poles a-part n" "screw this SHIT WITH A PENIS" you can't "equate-or get around" the "DISTANCE BETWEEN US""

You're trying to cram too manty concepts together which is killing your punch impact and wording. Poles a part in screwING, would have read better. The original concept you were going for was decent, though a played one (equator and North/South poles has been done many times over). However you didn't execute the concept correctly here, you had forced wording, filler set up lines and pieces that didn't make any sense or actually relate properly to the punchline. Alos, you're taking up space putting an expo after your bars... if you need to expo your bars like this, you're not doing it right. 

so couldnt see this "ho-lead-a celebration" or a "SPIRITED THEME" WITH, him "takein credit for sons presence" when my "GIFT IS FROM JESUS" so after he's "washed of his value" i'll take this "BITCH TA' THE CLEANERS" as a "jerk on-line anxious" worse than "TWITCH-N W/ STREAMERS"

Once again you've multiple concepts going on in this bar. The beginning is leading in one direction and the ending was going in another. Why was "ho-lead-a celebration" wrote like this? I don't see anything relating to go fish or a holy celebration apart from your expo in the text box. What does "Taking* credit for sons presence" when my gifts from jesus actually mean? What does it have to do with the punchline relating to twitching with streamers...? 

bro you couldn't "step up your game" using WII FIT AEROBICS so i'll turn you to "pulp:no fiction" coz im "SCENE WITH THE DOPE HITS" plus i got "lines that'll make your heart stop" quick as "FIENDS WITH A COKE FIX" needin "more than a john" to "work this shit out" worse than "GREASE" WITH A SLOW CHICK

I'm starting to think you get confused when writing, like you think of one thing and half way through that first concept you mind thinks of another concept and instead of writing that separate your mind tells you "Yeah, add that in, that connects" when they actually don't. 

bro you couldn't "step up your game" using WII FIT AEROBICS 

You're better than this, mate. This is a very basic and poor line to be using. 

so i'll turn you to "pulp:no fiction" coz im "SCENE WITH THE DOPE HITS"

Not a bad idea here, though how would someone turn a person to a pulp due to having dope hits? Bit of a reach here. 

plus i got "lines that'll make your heart stop" quick as "FIENDS WITH A COKE FIX"

Not a bad line here. Would be a nice set up line to a relating punchline. 

needin "more than a john" to "work this shit out" worse than "GREASE" WITH A SLOW CHICK!!

Sadly, the set up lead us to this punchline. I get what you were trying to do and what you were going for here, mate... your execution needs work though. 

you couldn't be "outlined:a priceless diamond" as a "BALL PARK FIGURE" and have a "grindr heading captioning you "TALL DARK WIGGER" so when nat "hand some to this faggot" i bet his "BALL SACK QUIVERS"!!

Ok this is very poor here, Nat. You're way better than this, man. The "balll park figure" concept was decent but needed more work and could have been a bar in itself. 

so when nat "hand some to this faggot" i bet his "BALL SACK QUIVERS"!!

What are you handing him that would make his balls quiver? *pause*.... 

Overall: A poor showing from you here, Nat... I've seen far bettter from you before. You need to spend some more time focusing on one concept at a time and then when your bars wrote, start adding in connections. Be sure that your wording is clean and reads smoothly. 

JS:

Ok, i like how you started this off. Going straight at your opponent. Multis are a little basic and the is less complexity in your bars than Nat though, yours are working with their lack of complexity. 

You have some issues with wording here too, where the readabiltiy becomes a little choppy. You came with a more direct responsive approach here which can work well sometimes. You're certainly improving, would like to see some actual bars from you though, some wordplays etc.. Keep at it. 

Overall: Not a bad drop, on the basic side of things, shows signs of improvement from previous drops. Needs to work on wording and multis matching, not having any lowercase words in between his multi sets. Have his multis sets being the last words of his sentences. 

Fairs in, fellas. 

Spat it clear expo: he makes no sense in his set-ups, and cum is not clear. Pretty self explanatory.

virginia line expo: Virginia is in america, but a lot of people speak spanish or something

 Naturill is as consistent with setups and punches and structure but as always but JS came with it with multis, personals and punches. Fairing it with JS 

JS ur improving bro. Ur doing a lot of dissing looks/character. The concepts need to be more original/complex tho bro. Tie your punches to other concepts other than character/rap skills/ looks 

Naturill was more original. Also had better multis.  

fair vote in

GL 

What the hell else can I diss about?

Gotta give this one to JS, naturill did great too. 

JS... you can link concepts to different things.... his name, his raps, his family, random topics to make wordplay from, his inability to beat you.... there's way more original things.  

just giving you feedback bro, don't matter to me if u don't take it 

nah man thanks.

This was not a good battle at all. Nat I felt you were trying to do way too much with your bars here and force entendres that really weren't there. Opening set of bars was kinda cringeworthy to read cause it was pause and just a lot of forcing, and that kinda set the tone for the rest of your verse. JS you had a lot of broken and forced multis and just a lot of rhyming with no real punches here. Saying I'll "slay your sound, dawg" is pretty bad in terms of rhyming cause no one talks like that. If it's a phrase you'd use in a convo to where people would look at you like you're weird if you said it, don't use it. Feel like Nat got this due to him having clear instances of punchlines, but neither were any good here. 

*cleave your sound, dawg. Still trash.

sorry dickhead