great verse laid some big caps raps octopus goes too you gb bro Voted: MC Negan /
Posted on: 2018-06-23 10:28:24

ALZIES HAS ALSO BEEN REMOVED, HE WILL BE RE-POSTING HIS COMMENT

This was shockingly closer than antisipated...Both started strong...but only one stayed consistent all the way through..also had better punches..fair is in.

FVC Entry Vote

Volcanine:

- I liked how you attempted to keep a certain theme throughout your writing with the ninja/ swords man idea. The problem with this type of writing is that it can get boring, and you miss out on showcasing fresher concepts, which have the ability to surprise the reader with something very clever/witty. This keeps the reader engaged. Lets get to the bars. Right off the bat, your multi sets which are your capped rhymes, are noticably stretched. "SICK MAD SWORDSMAN" is very unnatural in regular conversation so it gives for an awkward read off the bat. The words in your bars for the most part rhyme nicely in terms of how they sound, so at least you got a good idea of how to make words rhyme, you just gotta shape these multi sets into something cleaner. The mandorin (i think you meant, mandarin) wordplay doesn't work, because it doesn't make sense both ways, and also there was no relevant set-up to support this wp/punch. Kinda came outta nowhere. Same thing occurs in the next bar, a noticably stretched multi, and cantonese/cant own deez wp doesn't make sense. You can see the pattern in your writing in your next bars too, you just need to focus on getting your multi sets down properly, unforced and stop with WPs for the time being until you get the basics down. Your closer was quite weak, but the concept was probably your best one, if you could have worded it more correctly and referenced a famous cyclops moment in a movie or something, could of really made the bar stand out. The key is to have relevant set-ups to your punches, and the wording in between should also fit nicely into the mix to give it an over all clean read. Throughout your writing, you had a thing we call "Broken Multis" and what these are, is when one multi set (in this case, your capped rhymes) has a different amount of syllabes, than the ones its supposed to be matched up with. For example.

Good multi set:

Better start CAPPIN' YA RHYMES or imma start BLASTING A NINE!

(Both sets have 4 syllables)

Bad multi set:

Better start CAPPIN' YA RHYMES or imma start BLASTING A DAMN NINE!

(One set has 5 syllables, and the other has 4)

Notice how it makes it sound, less clean? You got potential, I can see it just by how you try to take unique angles on things, keep it up and read up on some of the tournament battles, you'll see the sites best content in terms of bars in there. Maybe you can pick up on how to structure the verse.

CakedOut:

- You had way less errors than your opponent, and that worked in your favour here. Your rhyming was much cleaner and you didn't have any broken multis. I liked that you schemed alot of it, but would like to see some higher syllable counts for your level, you were also repeating words in your multis which I would dock some points for, your concept choices were very weak, compared to your opponent, and if he had the basics down pat, he would of taken this based off of pure creativity. I feel I need to explain less to you, because you are aware that you rushed the verse. So over-all, I still think because it was cleaner and had less forced errors, I am leaning towards CakedOut. Fairs in, and good-luck to both battlers! If you need any more info, just send me an IM.

5-5, low to mid.

oh my goodness...

ya, seul i just read this now and ill try my best to correct and improve errors. respect!

Who the fuck want to read a god damn book on why someone voted one way or another?? Dumbest fucking shit ive ever seen...You can explain in less than a paragraph...gtfo

Loser had some nice multis in tha first bar, tha sefind bar's multis were a bit iffy and tha last bar's multis were nice too, in terms of punchlines ya bars would've been landing with loads of sting but your execution wasn't really good at times, this was due to tha qordplay which wasn't really workin for me, tha first bar was by far tha best fam, try being more creative with your setup flips and make sure your wordplay works both ways ... winner had smoother multis here, 1st half of your verse didn't have any punches which hit hard imo, 2nd half was better and more direct leading to punches that landed harder, I'd say try being more consistent by keepin your execution creative and direct ... fairs in 

This Was Actually Closer than I expected. The Wordplay was a Bit forced From my Loser but the Concepts were Rather Phenomenal. Winner just had a better flow even tho every jab thrown was rather light. Good shit.

This one suprised me not gonna lie. One underestimated his opponent here and got beat doing so. Multis and punches from my winner squeeked by here while the loser wasn't that far off but still took the L. Fairs in fellas keep at it

FV

wow to me this is just another basic 8 line battle ive been doing and its like the center of attention. hmm interesting. but ya i think both me n cake are taking notes for future battles from u guys. thanks

What decided this battle is that Volcanine said some shit that was just straight up - no offense intended - illiterate. Wordplays NEED to sound the same both ways, and none of yours did.

CakedOut, you didn't have those kind of problems and you had a coherent verse, so I guess I have to give you the win here. One question though: Why'd you mention New York in your closer? Your opponent's "Reppin" says he's from LA and I didn't see anything in his verse about him being from New York. Fair's in.

BOTH USED WORDPLAY THAT WAS SLIGHTLY OFF, VOLCANINE HAD SOME WORDING ISSUES IN PARTS BUT YOU CAN SEE THA EFFORT PUT IN AS SOME OF THA CONCEPTS AN IDEAS WERE QUITE NICE.... CAKED HAD ONE OF TWO PARTS I REALLY LIKED BUT THE REST WOZ JUST FILLER AN BASIC RHYMIN, EXECUTION WOZ OK THO..... THIS IS A TOUGH ONE TO CALL ACTUALLY YOU COULD MAKE A CASE FOR BOTH VERSES HERE, MY VOTE GOES TO VOLCANINE AS I FELT HE ATTEMPTED TO BE SLIGHTLY MORE CREATIVE WHICH TO ME MADE HIS BARSA COME ACROSS A LIL BETTER, SHIT WOZ TIGHT THO..... FAIR IS DROPPED!

that was hott!