the flow can be tricky bc the syllable switches within the rhyme schemes! try reading over to find the flow if you struggle at first! js g'luck lock! Comment Only
Posted on: 2014-05-25 01:18:30

"AC" Comment Only
Posted on: 2014-05-25 02:29:29

#SAVEMONEY Comment Only
Posted on: 2014-05-25 08:57:13

Better structure & execution took this. Voted: S A L T /
Posted on: 2014-05-25 22:13:35

Winner had better glue relevant concepts flow structure and personals imo and as for my list had the bars but weren't more impartial to the person more like going off at someone else if you feel I felt good bars were great but just his relevancy on concepts lagged horribly. If direct to the person who is battle you in that way it would have changed my mind. It just comes down to the quality of bats other areas could be both the same thing for both emcees just saying. No h8 Fv Gb Vb yo. Voted: S A L T /
Posted on: 2014-05-25 22:17:16

STOY- havent seen much of your battles but based off of this, dunno if you were tryin a new structure, it didnt work too well, at least in the first bar, all i see is a 2syllable multi, a play on the peacefully, word.. and a puzzle concept which ended rather plainly... second was much better, setup was relavent, and flip to off key, was aight,anyway, HIGHLIGHTS, was the awful beat bar, and probably the leonardo line, which was jabish at best,LOW POINTS- defeat line? andreally...and the first puzzle line... my advice,is work on gettin that rust out, and improve your concept to punchstrength... Voted: S A L T /
Posted on: 2014-05-25 22:44:00

LOCKHART-watch the wording here, cause you makin her unzip your pants then it sounds like your the one gagging on 'her head'...lol for an 8 i recommend lowering your setup lenghts, atm they are too long and dont build up to anything substantial enuf to warrant the build.... HIGHLIGHTS: hamboning, although really weak..LOWPOINTS: state frees,didnt quite make the connection statefrees=mysteriou s????team that's the near the dick? Voted: S A L T /
Posted on: 2014-05-25 23:09:56

ACizzy's. Comment Only
Posted on: 2014-05-26 08:16:00

fresher concepts took this i lyked the creativity around one's verse the other was dope but lacked the punches,set ups were nice..but the wordplay kinda sticked out a bit fairs in... Voted: S A L T /
Posted on: 2014-05-26 10:25:37

MUMMRA Comment Only
Posted on: 2014-05-26 15:50:23

Deleted none expoed votes and locks request. 3 were deleted. 2 of them in Locks favour just incase you were wondering. Comment Only
Posted on: 2014-05-26 16:16:23

AT* Locks request Comment Only
Posted on: 2014-05-26 16:16:50

I've seen much better from both. Structurally, you were both incredibly messy. Stoy, for one, it took 5 lines of filler lacking clarity to get to your first concept. Scheme-work was incredibly convoluted and unorganised, affecting the flow and fluidity of the reading experience. I saw the Off-Key / Awful-Beat reference, it's a shame that the punch itself was tarred with a broken multi [OFF-KEY (2) / AWFUL-BEAT (3)] Next bar, Soccer Tees / Socrates... Incredibly forced wordplay, nowhere near the correct pronunciation [sok-RA-teez]. You ended that section with yet another broken multi [SOCCER TEES (3) ... DODGIN DEFEAT (4)] and with no punch impact to be felt. Showed up in hits concept was a good idea but it wasn't executed and the quality of the bar was dragged down the shoddy rhyming and the broken nature of the scheme-work. A-SCAR/OSCAR wordplay made me cringe also. Your material is incredibly unorganised, you need to fix the multis and rhyme more smoothly and work on conversion from concepts to punch with some better wording and a higher amount of clarity. Lock, you had a lot of wording issues and structural issues. Opener: Knee-slapping/Hambon ing reference was vague. No need for the first exclamation mark as I think overusing the exclamation mark can desensitise your punch impact for the readers. Your wordplay was grammatically correct and natural in sentence so it wasn't a forced or played wordplay as such, it's just the concept didn't carry much weight. State Frees/Mysterious jab was a little underwhelming, without enough referencing to provide punch clarity. TEAM THAT'S THE NEAR THE DICK - watch out for typos, repetitive words or awkward phrasing. Menopause wordplay wasn't perfectly correct in sentence [so your menopause when shots fire, they'll be...] and that took away from the punch impact. I personally think that using ...period in anything is too easy and a cop-out for a punch. Clever format change for the closer but again, lack of sharp wording equals a lack of punch clarity. While your multies were fine throughout, you need to work on sharper referencing, better wording and clarity. Keep to the fresher concepts that I know you have. One got this with cleaner scheme-work and more punch impact. Vitty's vote's in. Voted: S A L T /
Posted on: 2014-05-26 22:54:15

ok Voted: S A L T /
Posted on: 2014-05-27 05:31:35

GB... Comment Only
Posted on: 2014-05-27 19:52:06

not of the hate Voted: S A L T /
Posted on: 2014-05-28 01:03:42