A Warmer Breeze... - Lets Beef

Eye G · #1 09-09-2011, 02:48 AM

I'm trying to write a nostalgia song..." A Warmer Breeze " but i'm getting a writers block...don't know how to scrutinize it....heres the thing i wrote...its basic thou...

____

I’m rolling, the fact that I’m scrolling-flowing,
To get me on the track controlling-knowing,
Contemplating on ma past, slowing it’s snowing,
I’m at the drop of a hat, to enjoy thing & keep going,
I can’t stop thinking about the things that we had,
We used to sit on our zone making rings n then add,
Fuels to the burning woods, & all sings on the track,
& one by one deliver the naughty jokes n we laugh,
We used to gather & globe-totter from place to place,
Homies blazed the blunt n flied high in the space,
Eve teasing and spanking hips while walking on way,
Girls used to abuse famz & mock on what they say,
The time full of fun & full enjoyment,
Now the responsibility is like a employment,
But we can’t back down we need to deploy them,
Coz the planted roots are developing into steam.

--

As the enjoyment was going, new friendship evolved in,
We used to hook up with them, like a trend to involve in,
Very activities & occasion to gather at their house,
When their fountainhead rolled-out we used to revolve in,

what next...?

--

Check it out ...

--

this is the beat i selected...

http://www.shadowville.com/1263/genr...-warmer-breeze

---

One day they invited their friend to introduce her to us,
I don’t know why that happened Why ? did I dropped the rush,
but the result paid off, & she travelled back in bus,
we used to have phone calls every day and the night,
I used to text her shining the ray of the light,
We had a deep friendship, completely white,

--

eXpo :

I dropped the rush : i proposed w/out knowing her,...
paid off : She said yes
she travelled back in bus : and she got back to home
shining the ray of the light : in the moon light & ray is a signal...
completely white : Very clear in heart with no filthy & negative
thoughts..

EDITING IN FEEDLINK: http://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=100034

Eye G · 09-09-2011, 02:48 AM

I'm trying to write a nostalgia song..." A Warmer Breeze " but i'm getting a writers block...don't know how to scrutinize it....heres the thing i wrote...its basic thou...

____

I’m rolling, the fact that I’m scrolling-flowing,
To get me on the track controlling-knowing,
Contemplating on ma past, slowing it’s snowing,
I’m at the drop of a hat, to enjoy thing & keep going,
I can’t stop thinking about the things that we had,
We used to sit on our zone making rings n then add,
Fuels to the burning woods, & all sings on the track,
& one by one deliver the naughty jokes n we laugh,
We used to gather & globe-totter from place to place,
Homies blazed the blunt n flied high in the space,
Eve teasing and spanking hips while walking on way,
Girls used to abuse famz & mock on what they say,
The time full of fun & full enjoyment,
Now the responsibility is like a employment,
But we can’t back down we need to deploy them,
Coz the planted roots are developing into steam.

--

As the enjoyment was going, new friendship evolved in,
We used to hook up with them, like a trend to involve in,
Very activities & occasion to gather at their house,
When their fountainhead rolled-out we used to revolve in,

what next...?

--

Check it out ...

--

this is the beat i selected...

http://www.shadowville.com/1263/genr...-warmer-breeze

---

One day they invited their friend to introduce her to us,
I don’t know why that happened Why ? did I dropped the rush,
but the result paid off, & she travelled back in bus,
we used to have phone calls every day and the night,
I used to text her shining the ray of the light,
We had a deep friendship, completely white,

--

eXpo :

I dropped the rush : i proposed w/out knowing her,...
paid off : She said yes
she travelled back in bus : and she got back to home
shining the ray of the light : in the moon light & ray is a signal...
completely white : Very clear in heart with no filthy & negative
thoughts..

EDITING IN FEEDLINK: http://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=100034

**Phracture** · #2 09-09-2011, 07:19 AM

Smooth flow to this . Jus keep coming back and Reading It Over I Bet a Million Bucks somethings gonna hit you . Let your music like it seems to be and when Your Record Drop It in this Thread I'd Like to hear that .

Btw: Cool Beat seams like Something Calm you can Speak thru .

So Its all Tied Down Right . I'll Wait For the Completion .

**Phracture** · 09-09-2011, 07:19 AM

Smooth flow to this . Jus keep coming back and Reading It Over I Bet a Million Bucks somethings gonna hit you . Let your music like it seems to be and when Your Record Drop It in this Thread I'd Like to hear that .

Btw: Cool Beat seams like Something Calm you can Speak thru .

So Its all Tied Down Right . I'll Wait For the Completion .

Eye G · #3 09-09-2011, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Almighty

Smooth flow to this . Jus keep coming back and Reading It Over I Bet a Million Bucks somethings gonna hit you . Let your music like it seems to be and when Your Record Drop It in this Thread I'd Like to hear that .

Btw: Cool Beat seams like Something Calm you can Speak thru .

So Its all Tied Down Right . I'll Wait For the Completion .

thanks fam for ya fb...really appreciate it...

Eye G · 09-09-2011, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Almighty

Smooth flow to this . Jus keep coming back and Reading It Over I Bet a Million Bucks somethings gonna hit you . Let your music like it seems to be and when Your Record Drop It in this Thread I'd Like to hear that .

Btw: Cool Beat seams like Something Calm you can Speak thru .

So Its all Tied Down Right . I'll Wait For the Completion .

thanks fam for ya fb...really appreciate it...

**Wigsplit** · #4 09-09-2011, 07:49 AM

I feel what your goin for, some parts seem to be rhymin jus to rhyme tho, n while for the most part it makes sense, to me its a lil cheesy, jus my personal opinion, I dont wanna seem like a hater, jus being honest, I know u already said its a lil basic, sometimes basic makes for a good song, u jus gotta write bout shit that actually has some pure emotion in it, sittin around the campfire throwin logs in the fire aint cuttin it for me, when I post some shit in here, U can harshly critique me too, I wont mind, like I said, jus tryna be real from my point of view, and I wasnt really vibing off that beat either, im sorry if I seem like a dick

**Wigsplit** · 09-09-2011, 07:49 AM

I feel what your goin for, some parts seem to be rhymin jus to rhyme tho, n while for the most part it makes sense, to me its a lil cheesy, jus my personal opinion, I dont wanna seem like a hater, jus being honest, I know u already said its a lil basic, sometimes basic makes for a good song, u jus gotta write bout shit that actually has some pure emotion in it, sittin around the campfire throwin logs in the fire aint cuttin it for me, when I post some shit in here, U can harshly critique me too, I wont mind, like I said, jus tryna be real from my point of view, and I wasnt really vibing off that beat either, im sorry if I seem like a dick

**Wigsplit** · #5 09-09-2011, 07:52 AM

If anything, it seems like some stuff sugarhill gang would rap about, old school style, jus like reminiscing bout the good ol days or somethin, props on posting it tho

**Wigsplit** · 09-09-2011, 07:52 AM

If anything, it seems like some stuff sugarhill gang would rap about, old school style, jus like reminiscing bout the good ol days or somethin, props on posting it tho

Eye G · #6 09-09-2011, 08:06 AM

@ wig : thanks and appreciate your honesty..as i said its not a complete song...once its done i'll change some parts...and wax ma voice on the same beat & i link to ya'll...it depends upon a person , what kind of music he / she like....u have something different taste....tbh i was thinking to write a fictional love story on this beat, but i hate love songs so i wanna something different...so i thought to bring old reminiscences .... " A Warmer Breeze " topic and beat i vibe with both so i commenced to write...u may not like it now but u may like it when the complete song is done...and i'm not angry with your comment....

Eye G · 09-09-2011, 08:06 AM

@ wig : thanks and appreciate your honesty..as i said its not a complete song...once its done i'll change some parts...and wax ma voice on the same beat & i link to ya'll...it depends upon a person , what kind of music he / she like....u have something different taste....tbh i was thinking to write a fictional love story on this beat, but i hate love songs so i wanna something different...so i thought to bring old reminiscences .... " A Warmer Breeze " topic and beat i vibe with both so i commenced to write...u may not like it now but u may like it when the complete song is done...and i'm not angry with your comment....

#7 09-09-2011, 08:22 AM

I don't really add the songs to the written drops because the way I see it, people switch up tempos repeatedly throughout and the person who never wrote it can't really pick up on that without actually hearing it being sang or rapped.

Okay, onto the piece. I agree with Wig in terms that the emotion never broke through the way you intended it to. I can see that you had something but it seems like it had just being pulled back at times. The flow struggled at times to me as sometimes words were repeated close together and sometimes the wording was off or whatever. If you can use this style and increase the imagery, you could make it a lot more effective. Something as visual as a campfire can be brought to life through words so well. Describe the light, the smell etc. "The embers danced in the air before dissappearing" "The charred logs omit a smog which pollutes my nose" and everything like that. Use your senses and try and bring us to the moment that you're talking about.

A decent little drop and you have a lot of potential for elevation in these things. Keep dropping and keep improving.

09-09-2011, 08:22 AM

I don't really add the songs to the written drops because the way I see it, people switch up tempos repeatedly throughout and the person who never wrote it can't really pick up on that without actually hearing it being sang or rapped.

Okay, onto the piece. I agree with Wig in terms that the emotion never broke through the way you intended it to. I can see that you had something but it seems like it had just being pulled back at times. The flow struggled at times to me as sometimes words were repeated close together and sometimes the wording was off or whatever. If you can use this style and increase the imagery, you could make it a lot more effective. Something as visual as a campfire can be brought to life through words so well. Describe the light, the smell etc. "The embers danced in the air before dissappearing" "The charred logs omit a smog which pollutes my nose" and everything like that. Use your senses and try and bring us to the moment that you're talking about.

A decent little drop and you have a lot of potential for elevation in these things. Keep dropping and keep improving.

**Wigsplit** · #8 09-09-2011, 08:28 AM

coolshit man, I'll definitly check it out

**Wigsplit** · 09-09-2011, 08:28 AM

coolshit man, I'll definitly check it out

Eye G · #9 09-09-2011, 08:28 AM

Thanks...i'll elaborate it more...

Eye G · 09-09-2011, 08:28 AM

Thanks...i'll elaborate it more...

**-Jibberish** · #10 09-09-2011, 03:06 PM

i think it sucks, but i could be wrong, id have to hear the final product but i think a lot of it is forced, so either take my advice or prove me wrong, i dont really care

**-Jibberish** · 09-09-2011, 03:06 PM

i think it sucks, but i could be wrong, id have to hear the final product but i think a lot of it is forced, so either take my advice or prove me wrong, i dont really care


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