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-   -   100 Yard Dash. (https://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=100373)

Ill Phenom 09-15-2011 10:04 AM

100 Yard Dash.
 
100 Yard Dash

The *Whistle Blows* We take off full force sprinting around the track
These Little Toes getting Coarse Hinting a Downwards Act
Thighs Begin to Tingle, Heat Dwells As The Sun Churns Thru The Skies
Sweat Starts to Trinkle and Wreak Hell As It Burns Thru My Eyes
My opponents? Passing Em Pronto But the lead I actually Follow
Getting Real Tired and Weak, Gasp And Breath, and Actively Swallow
Heart Beats Like African Congo's Smacking the Bongo
Reached the Halfway Line, Dividing Me From Point A To B รท
But Subtracting My Energy, While Multiplying the Space I Need
Pickin it up, Passing Em Cleverly, Adding the Pace and Speed
But in Actual Jeopardy, Legs Getting Numb, Feel like Pistorius, Here In This Round
Hoping that Mathematical Sensory Equals Victorious Cheers From The Crowd!
Lead Stretching Shut, I have to take it, A Swift Bravado As I Try N Move Quickened
Edging up On the Last Few Footsteps Like the Gist of Apollo's Final Moon Mission
Toe a couple Inches Ahead Now. "Man I Sprint My Anus Off In This Pivotal Time"
Trophy Is Mine, As I put My "Soul Down", Left a Print Greatness On This Finishing Line

Feed Link: http://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=100034

Lizman 11-10-2013 10:15 AM

I Like It. The Words You Use Are Mostly Fitting Aprat From A Couple Of Lines.
I Didnt Like Where You Were Going In Lines 5, 7 To 10 And 12. Line 14 Is So So.
Your Switch To Unapologetic Complexity Is Too Quick; Considering Your Calming Start.
Some Comparisons Were Way Too Direct And As Such Ironically Did Not Convey A Clear Image Of What You Were Talking About (Bongo And Moon Mission Lines For Example).
Good Stuff Overall. Uh (Is There A Scoring System On This?) 7/10.


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