Quote:
Originally Posted by IIAM
Who’s got the WEAKER AWFUL BANTER,
That GEEKER PROPPER GRAMMAR , Or Croz’s BLEAKER GROVELED STAMMER? Your box is filled with lies you MEAGER PAUPER SHAMMER. Ya rhyme PATTERNs STRAIGHT RIGID, SLACKERS-get-SLAYED-in-this-KITCHEN-DAGGER-FILLETED-into-SMIDGENS-dusted-and-BATTERED-STRAY-CHICKENS! And every time you lob an open, ii’ll be there to SHATTER CLAY PIGEONS! Are you really this awful? Or were you hired to get your FACE SHOT with HAMMERS bigger than GALLAGHER STAGE PROPS! This Rap shit ain’t for you, ii’m not hating but even your names self deprecating!
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The wording you chose was poor and makes the read awkward. The irony of asking whom has the proper grammar when yours (here) is atrocious. “That GEEKER PROPPER GRAMMAR”... these come across as rhyming/force rhyming for the sake of it. “Your box is filled w/ lies you MEAGER PAUPER SHAMMER”..? Seriously, man... that’s horrid.
Advice: focus on your punchline and write backwards from it, don’t force multis just for the sake of having them rhyme. You want your bars to flow, be coherent and sound natural.