Melodic Aggression vs Unyqe

[Melodic Aggression]

Melodic Aggresion (0-0) vs Unyqe (0-0)



25-70 lines

3 votes = K.O. or first to 5 votes.

Voting rubric
Rhyming Scheme/Flow
Vocabulary
Topic/Meaning
Storytelling/Progression
Emotion
Poetic Techniques
Ending

Check-ins & verses due before the 22nd. This is my check-in.

[Melodic Aggression]

Melodic Aggresion (0-0) vs Unyqe (0-0)



25-70 lines

3 votes = K.O. or first to 5 votes.

Voting rubric
Rhyming Scheme/Flow
Vocabulary
Topic/Meaning
Storytelling/Progression
Emotion
Poetic Techniques
Ending

Check-ins & verses due before the 22nd. This is my check-in.

[Letum]

Check in i got it

[Letum]

Check in i got it

[Melodic Aggression]

I should be done this verse by tomorrow, if not then the sixteenth.

[Melodic Aggression]

I should be done this verse by tomorrow, if not then the sixteenth.

[Letum]

http://surgicaldiary.com/images/double-barreled-gun-aimed-at-you.jpg The Man With the Eyes of Fire

A man woke from a dream with two tears in his eyes.. The women in his bed had never seen him tear in his life.. So she proceeded with the 'baby whats wrong talk'.. His reply was 'Im defeated, I'm going out on a long walk'.. He walked out the door with out so much as a goodbye.. 'Thank god' she whispers thinking how he should just die .. The gun above the fireplace whispers back 'you could just end his life'.. The depth of the situation lost its meaning for her over breakfast.. While in the shower her thoughts were of lust and how it is wreckless.. After towling her body her delicate hands apply a thin necklace.. Its the one she wears only on special occasions.. Like meeting her 'special friends' for special arrangements.. She was special today it seems as she leaves all dolled up and face painted.. The man watches from the woods fighting back his bereavement.. So he proceeded to hit the bottle as it seems to elevate anguish.. He loaded one final thing while contemplating his life like it was ancient.. Being a vet of oil wars, he laced his boots started marching the pavement.. Thoughts of her with him, not himself- but her and her lover at the Days Inn.. Filled his mind to the point that he had fire in his eyes and a vague grin.. His steps turn Autumn trees to a ghetto scene his camo jacket and bag tells the locals hes just an old vagrant.. Little do they know thier 'keep away you bum' attitude actually saves them.. A church on a corner has a sign preachin that only God saves men.. He laughs and crys for some reason, the pressure has him to the point he can literally feel his chest cave in.. He misses the happy days when his mind was still on vacation.. He stops at the sight of her car, his second thoughts say go the hell home.. 'Not this time' he walks to the door *Bring he stops, due to his cell phone.. 'Hey baby' she says, her voice is less from the phone and more from the room.. 'I'm gonna be home late again' he replies 'ok babe... Ill see you soon'.. Dial tone- then he hears the laughter erupt from one and then the two.. The fires back in those eyes they are fading and he is truly baby blue.. The woods provide the darkness, so he sneaks to the trees, shadows across his face resemble a patient moon.. While waiting he notices things he aint in years, the green of the trees, the smells in the breeze.. His scars know why its still hard to breath hell its a nice day and hes still got long sleeves.. Then the door opens she walks toward the car searchin in her purse for keys.. Hes right behind her now she startles 'baby what the....' shes seeing something she couldnt believe.. Barrels as dark as deaths gaze into her eyes 'The gun whispers to me too honey' then slowly he squeezed.

[Letum]

http://surgicaldiary.com/images/double-barreled-gun-aimed-at-you.jpg The Man With the Eyes of Fire

A man woke from a dream with two tears in his eyes.. The women in his bed had never seen him tear in his life.. So she proceeded with the 'baby whats wrong talk'.. His reply was 'Im defeated, I'm going out on a long walk'.. He walked out the door with out so much as a goodbye.. 'Thank god' she whispers thinking how he should just die .. The gun above the fireplace whispers back 'you could just end his life'.. The depth of the situation lost its meaning for her over breakfast.. While in the shower her thoughts were of lust and how it is wreckless.. After towling her body her delicate hands apply a thin necklace.. Its the one she wears only on special occasions.. Like meeting her 'special friends' for special arrangements.. She was special today it seems as she leaves all dolled up and face painted.. The man watches from the woods fighting back his bereavement.. So he proceeded to hit the bottle as it seems to elevate anguish.. He loaded one final thing while contemplating his life like it was ancient.. Being a vet of oil wars, he laced his boots started marching the pavement.. Thoughts of her with him, not himself- but her and her lover at the Days Inn.. Filled his mind to the point that he had fire in his eyes and a vague grin.. His steps turn Autumn trees to a ghetto scene his camo jacket and bag tells the locals hes just an old vagrant.. Little do they know thier 'keep away you bum' attitude actually saves them.. A church on a corner has a sign preachin that only God saves men.. He laughs and crys for some reason, the pressure has him to the point he can literally feel his chest cave in.. He misses the happy days when his mind was still on vacation.. He stops at the sight of her car, his second thoughts say go the hell home.. 'Not this time' he walks to the door *Bring he stops, due to his cell phone.. 'Hey baby' she says, her voice is less from the phone and more from the room.. 'I'm gonna be home late again' he replies 'ok babe... Ill see you soon'.. Dial tone- then he hears the laughter erupt from one and then the two.. The fires back in those eyes they are fading and he is truly baby blue.. The woods provide the darkness, so he sneaks to the trees, shadows across his face resemble a patient moon.. While waiting he notices things he aint in years, the green of the trees, the smells in the breeze.. His scars know why its still hard to breath hell its a nice day and hes still got long sleeves.. Then the door opens she walks toward the car searchin in her purse for keys.. Hes right behind her now she startles 'baby what the....' shes seeing something she couldnt believe.. Barrels as dark as deaths gaze into her eyes 'The gun whispers to me too honey' then slowly he squeezed.

[Melodic Aggression]

Haha, ASHAS 2 ASHAS!

[Melodic Aggression]

Haha, ASHAS 2 ASHAS!

[Melodic Aggression]

ASHA4LYFE!

One Last Chance

My heart starts throbbing, like a Burning Pain, it feels similar to a Curving Flame..
A cleansing thought will make me Turn Away, like a chick with a dick it will Jerk your Veins..
I got no time, he's gonna Draw the Shotty, until the metal raises, like he Saw a Hotty.
I never thought that Karma would Catch Me, and make me fall back down like Vodka & Pepsi...
But all this god-damned Trauma is Sketchy, but I guess it's just the Start of my Journey.
I've always avoided death, I'm to Smart for a Gurney, but I think my reasoning is Beginning to Shatter..
But everytime I build my life, it's just Spinning me Backwards, running in the same circle, same pace..
But I Believe that I'm Faster, I ask why I'm here, living is just Impeding the Answer..
So back to the point, as I look down the Two Barrels, I need an Escape Method...
Apologies aren't the answer, they just Scrape Shredded, Relations Already...
I don't know what I'm Facing, I'm Ready. But like a Sense of Nation I'm Steady...
Like a killers Clutch on a Gun when the Slugs aren't Done, he holds a Grudge on a Son..
Similar to Scurrilous Fathers, & he's ready to kill me like a Merciless Doctor, but the Nervousness Slaughters...
Like mothers who haven't even Heard of their Daughters...
My Options Depleted, you never notice how Often it's Needed, until your looking down a gun..
Big enough to leave Oxen Defeated, but like France in war in fights, I Often Retreated!
That's why I don't got experience, with Poppin' the Heated, when in disputes if my Anger Rose...
I would be a man, walk away, maybe Say a Flow, never was a Gangster Though...
Just loved Testing Peoples Wits, but now I'm Blessed with Evil Shit...
Like a Menstrual, Bleeding Bitch. He finally asks, after Minutes of Glaring...
"Do you wanna die?" like Living is Scaring all the Kids who are Wearing...
Their new clothes, I said "Are you New, Yo?" "Of course I wanna have the Ability to Breath"..
But Little did I See his Malignancy & Grief it's like a Conspiracy to Geeks...
The way he's after me, but Timidly I Speak, "I will give you my Cash & my Car"...
Conveniently the Beat just started, so I stated this Calligraphy I Speak...
And he dropped the weapon, he was tired of his Affinity to Beef...

[Melodic Aggression]

ASHA4LYFE!

One Last Chance

My heart starts throbbing, like a Burning Pain, it feels similar to a Curving Flame..
A cleansing thought will make me Turn Away, like a chick with a dick it will Jerk your Veins..
I got no time, he's gonna Draw the Shotty, until the metal raises, like he Saw a Hotty.
I never thought that Karma would Catch Me, and make me fall back down like Vodka & Pepsi...
But all this god-damned Trauma is Sketchy, but I guess it's just the Start of my Journey.
I've always avoided death, I'm to Smart for a Gurney, but I think my reasoning is Beginning to Shatter..
But everytime I build my life, it's just Spinning me Backwards, running in the same circle, same pace..
But I Believe that I'm Faster, I ask why I'm here, living is just Impeding the Answer..
So back to the point, as I look down the Two Barrels, I need an Escape Method...
Apologies aren't the answer, they just Scrape Shredded, Relations Already...
I don't know what I'm Facing, I'm Ready. But like a Sense of Nation I'm Steady...
Like a killers Clutch on a Gun when the Slugs aren't Done, he holds a Grudge on a Son..
Similar to Scurrilous Fathers, & he's ready to kill me like a Merciless Doctor, but the Nervousness Slaughters...
Like mothers who haven't even Heard of their Daughters...
My Options Depleted, you never notice how Often it's Needed, until your looking down a gun..
Big enough to leave Oxen Defeated, but like France in war in fights, I Often Retreated!
That's why I don't got experience, with Poppin' the Heated, when in disputes if my Anger Rose...
I would be a man, walk away, maybe Say a Flow, never was a Gangster Though...
Just loved Testing Peoples Wits, but now I'm Blessed with Evil Shit...
Like a Menstrual, Bleeding Bitch. He finally asks, after Minutes of Glaring...
"Do you wanna die?" like Living is Scaring all the Kids who are Wearing...
Their new clothes, I said "Are you New, Yo?" "Of course I wanna have the Ability to Breath"..
But Little did I See his Malignancy & Grief it's like a Conspiracy to Geeks...
The way he's after me, but Timidly I Speak, "I will give you my Cash & my Car"...
Conveniently the Beat just started, so I stated this Calligraphy I Speak...
And he dropped the weapon, he was tired of his Affinity to Beef...

[Letum]

can we get votes on this

[Letum]

can we get votes on this

[John Dos]

i'll be back to vote on this...decent drops by both

[John Dos]

i'll be back to vote on this...decent drops by both

[Melodic Aggression]

^^ Please don't do your clubs signature "One had better punches!" .. if it is not explained, at least half-decently, then it won't count. Sorry Unyqe. But we are here to grow, not to hear what other people are good at.

[Melodic Aggression]

^^ Please don't do your clubs signature "One had better punches!" .. if it is not explained, at least half-decently, then it won't count. Sorry Unyqe. But we are here to grow, not to hear what other people are good at.

[GRizzEAT]

Overall vote..

Ones held more structure and better flow but didn really take me anywhere visually. I enjoyed tha walk thru storyline of Ones piece over tha other (Nohomo fags). Both had there points of interest but tha execution was better in ma winners verse..

U: 8.8/10--------M.A. 8.5/10

[GRizzEAT]

Overall vote..

Ones held more structure and better flow but didn really take me anywhere visually. I enjoyed tha walk thru storyline of Ones piece over tha other (Nohomo fags). Both had there points of interest but tha execution was better in ma winners verse..

U: 8.8/10--------M.A. 8.5/10