HariZon (0-1) Vs Lockhart (1-0) - (HariZon Wins 5-2)

HarIzon, I found it a little bit hard to really understand where you were going here. I don't know who the protagonist was, and have not heard of his story before. The way you wrote it, with shadowed meaning, didn't really click as much with me. Sometimes these pieces are best, because the reader is allowed the ability to interoperate what the piece is about. With this, I don't really feel that you allowed us too many stones to stand on. I didn't manage to make a cohesive plotline myself. Your wording is brilliant though. You were really wise in some of your choices, and although I didn't feel that the storytelling was the best, I was really into your style of writing and think you excel in that area. The one last downfall to me is the lyricism. At times, you brought a very simplistic rhyme scheme, with a set of words that could easily be put together with a bit more of an impressive match. You opted to go with a lot of one syllable schemes, which was little lacklustre at times imo.

Lockhart, the story to me seemed clear, but I found it quite hard to fully go along with. I got cops looking for Governor Smith, then some boat references, then some people in Hummers arrived and killed the cops, then the protagonist, being revealed to be Governor Smith, appeared. Then something to do with his son? I just found a lot of little components were not made clear. While the rhyming was good, I wasn't feeling the flow too much. You had some quite extended sentences. Some people like to match the syllables in one line to the next line. I don't pay TOO much attention to it, but I try and stay aware of it.

Overall, I think both have some aspects they could work on. I'd like to see a little bit of clearer storytelling from both. I know HarIzon has a great topical in him, as I've read them, and Lockhart is up and coming but he shows some ideas with twists in his story which is a very hard aspect to adapt. Overall, I think one showed some better "writing" skills here.

HariZon GETS MY VOTE

HarIzon, I found it a little bit hard to really understand where you were going here. I don't know who the protagonist was, and have not heard of his story before. The way you wrote it, with shadowed meaning, didn't really click as much with me. Sometimes these pieces are best, because the reader is allowed the ability to interoperate what the piece is about. With this, I don't really feel that you allowed us too many stones to stand on. I didn't manage to make a cohesive plotline myself. Your wording is brilliant though. You were really wise in some of your choices, and although I didn't feel that the storytelling was the best, I was really into your style of writing and think you excel in that area. The one last downfall to me is the lyricism. At times, you brought a very simplistic rhyme scheme, with a set of words that could easily be put together with a bit more of an impressive match. You opted to go with a lot of one syllable schemes, which was little lacklustre at times imo.

Lockhart, the story to me seemed clear, but I found it quite hard to fully go along with. I got cops looking for Governor Smith, then some boat references, then some people in Hummers arrived and killed the cops, then the protagonist, being revealed to be Governor Smith, appeared. Then something to do with his son? I just found a lot of little components were not made clear. While the rhyming was good, I wasn't feeling the flow too much. You had some quite extended sentences. Some people like to match the syllables in one line to the next line. I don't pay TOO much attention to it, but I try and stay aware of it.

Overall, I think both have some aspects they could work on. I'd like to see a little bit of clearer storytelling from both. I know HarIzon has a great topical in him, as I've read them, and Lockhart is up and coming but he shows some ideas with twists in his story which is a very hard aspect to adapt. Overall, I think one showed some better "writing" skills here.

HariZon GETS MY VOTE