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  #8  
Unread 05-22-2015, 06:03 PM
NOBLE
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,105
Mentioned: 3633 Post(s)
Tagged: 76 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
4 Won / 0 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.71/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.71/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.71/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
30 Won / 8 Lost
Exclusive Text Record
1 Won / 1 Lost
Default

I felt both could have done better with the topic. I think Ahura Mazda used more elements from the picture in his piece...like the fact "engineers" is written on the wall and the fact that you can't see the assaulter's head. An engineered race of headless clones isn't how I would have interpreted it and seems a little far-fetched, although imaginative, as far as the picture goes, but at least those parts of the image were accounted for whereas in Student's piece, they weren't referred to. I liked the rhyming in Ahura Mazda's piece more. Student's vocabulary might have been a bit more varied but both were equally appropriate. As far as the storytelling, I preferred Ahura Mazda's. Both talked about what's going on in the assaulter/narrator's mind, but Ahura Mazda's narrator also talked about society and the technological age which provided context for what's happening. In Student's piece, there wasn't as much context...it was like the guy thinking to himself how big and bad he is and it almost started to sound like a weak battle verse at times with lines like "I live to carve flesh but I don't fuck with pumpkins" (no offense, just being honest). With that being said, I think Student's piece conveyed more emotion. I think both were pretty even in their use of imagery. I didn't like how either ended tbh. Ahura's ending didn't do much as far as bring a conclusion to the overall story. Student's ending did better in this regard and had a twist, but the twist had no prior context within the story nor the picture. It just came out of nowhere that that was his Dad.
Both did their thing but my vote goes to Ahura Mazda. I felt he did a slightly better job overall.
__________________
Unread 05-22-2015, 06:03 PM   #8
 
NOBLE
Estimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.05/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
4 Won / 0 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.05/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.71/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.71/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.71/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
30 Won / 8 Lost
Exclusive Text Record
1 Won / 1 Lost
 
Join Date: May 2011
Voted: 408 audio / 1061 text
Posts: 6,105
Mentioned: 3633 Post(s)
Tagged: 76 Thread(s)


Default

I felt both could have done better with the topic. I think Ahura Mazda used more elements from the picture in his piece...like the fact "engineers" is written on the wall and the fact that you can't see the assaulter's head. An engineered race of headless clones isn't how I would have interpreted it and seems a little far-fetched, although imaginative, as far as the picture goes, but at least those parts of the image were accounted for whereas in Student's piece, they weren't referred to. I liked the rhyming in Ahura Mazda's piece more. Student's vocabulary might have been a bit more varied but both were equally appropriate. As far as the storytelling, I preferred Ahura Mazda's. Both talked about what's going on in the assaulter/narrator's mind, but Ahura Mazda's narrator also talked about society and the technological age which provided context for what's happening. In Student's piece, there wasn't as much context...it was like the guy thinking to himself how big and bad he is and it almost started to sound like a weak battle verse at times with lines like "I live to carve flesh but I don't fuck with pumpkins" (no offense, just being honest). With that being said, I think Student's piece conveyed more emotion. I think both were pretty even in their use of imagery. I didn't like how either ended tbh. Ahura's ending didn't do much as far as bring a conclusion to the overall story. Student's ending did better in this regard and had a twist, but the twist had no prior context within the story nor the picture. It just came out of nowhere that that was his Dad.
Both did their thing but my vote goes to Ahura Mazda. I felt he did a slightly better job overall.
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