Lets Beef - Battle Rap Forums - View Single Post - 2013 GC RD.4 Phroxen Vs. Mcjewfro(Mcjewfro Wins 3-0)

**The Ghost of Freak** · #8 01-09-2014, 09:22 AM

GREAT TOPICAL!

Phoxen - Truly great use of color vocabulary and descriptive language based on observation. The contrast between the sections was well executed. I enjoyed getting to see the word Jabronie used, XD. But on a serious note, I feel this would have been a bit stronger with more narrative as oppose to remaining focused on the judgement of the image and its character from a first person perspective. This was a unique interpretation executed with skill, making an enjoyable read to say the least. Very poetic.

McJewFro - Went with the more traditional topical narrative style with great success. I felt the interpretation of the image's female character as in despair and mentally ill was well done, with the drabness of the image analogous to a mental hospital setting. The exploration of the subject's past trauma was appropriately captivating. I felt the twist at the end was very well executed. Also, the Scarlet Letter / Schizophrenia reference was interesting and well utilized.

One thing, where the hell is this chick getting proscribed Thorazine?! Mexico? XD They stopped using that in U.S. psychiatry for the most part, but it is available in Mexico quite easily. Oh, anti-psychotics how they make you dull and crap your pants… not that I would know…. I was proscribed mood stabilizers.

MVGT: @mcjewfro , for just edging it with the well executed narrative style story. On the other hand, Phroxen could have taken this with a bit more narrative due to his awesome language use and descriptions. I suggest both writers learn from their opponents strength. You both have unique styles and skills. Thanks for sharing these pieces! Both deserve to win, but I gotta be all critical and shit.

FAIR VOTE IN …. PM for more vote expo if desired.

-FREAK-

**The Ghost of Freak** · 01-09-2014, 09:22 AM

GREAT TOPICAL!

Phoxen - Truly great use of color vocabulary and descriptive language based on observation. The contrast between the sections was well executed. I enjoyed getting to see the word Jabronie used, XD. But on a serious note, I feel this would have been a bit stronger with more narrative as oppose to remaining focused on the judgement of the image and its character from a first person perspective. This was a unique interpretation executed with skill, making an enjoyable read to say the least. Very poetic.

McJewFro - Went with the more traditional topical narrative style with great success. I felt the interpretation of the image's female character as in despair and mentally ill was well done, with the drabness of the image analogous to a mental hospital setting. The exploration of the subject's past trauma was appropriately captivating. I felt the twist at the end was very well executed. Also, the Scarlet Letter / Schizophrenia reference was interesting and well utilized.

One thing, where the hell is this chick getting proscribed Thorazine?! Mexico? XD They stopped using that in U.S. psychiatry for the most part, but it is available in Mexico quite easily. Oh, anti-psychotics how they make you dull and crap your pants… not that I would know…. I was proscribed mood stabilizers.

MVGT: @mcjewfro , for just edging it with the well executed narrative style story. On the other hand, Phroxen could have taken this with a bit more narrative due to his awesome language use and descriptions. I suggest both writers learn from their opponents strength. You both have unique styles and skills. Thanks for sharing these pieces! Both deserve to win, but I gotta be all critical and shit.

FAIR VOTE IN …. PM for more vote expo if desired.

-FREAK-

01-09-2014, 09:22 AM	#8
The Ghost of Freak Ranked Audio Record 124 Won / 135 Lost Ranked Text Record 22 Won / 29 Lost Join Date: Oct 2011 Voted: 481 audio / 231 text Posts: 1,066 Mentioned: 560 Post(s) Tagged: 27 Thread(s)	GREAT TOPICAL! Phoxen - Truly great use of color vocabulary and descriptive language based on observation. The contrast between the sections was well executed. I enjoyed getting to see the word Jabronie used, XD. But on a serious note, I feel this would have been a bit stronger with more narrative as oppose to remaining focused on the judgement of the image and its character from a first person perspective. This was a unique interpretation executed with skill, making an enjoyable read to say the least. Very poetic. McJewFro - Went with the more traditional topical narrative style with great success. I felt the interpretation of the image's female character as in despair and mentally ill was well done, with the drabness of the image analogous to a mental hospital setting. The exploration of the subject's past trauma was appropriately captivating. I felt the twist at the end was very well executed. Also, the Scarlet Letter / Schizophrenia reference was interesting and well utilized. One thing, where the hell is this chick getting proscribed Thorazine?! Mexico? XD They stopped using that in U.S. psychiatry for the most part, but it is available in Mexico quite easily. Oh, anti-psychotics how they make you dull and crap your pants… not that I would know…. I was proscribed mood stabilizers. MVGT: @mcjewfro , for just edging it with the well executed narrative style story. On the other hand, Phroxen could have taken this with a bit more narrative due to his awesome language use and descriptions. I suggest both writers learn from their opponents strength. You both have unique styles and skills. Thanks for sharing these pieces! Both deserve to win, but I gotta be all critical and shit. FAIR VOTE IN …. PM for more vote expo if desired. -FREAK- __________________ ...and I love you too. Last edited by The Ghost of Freak; 01-09-2014 at 09:24 AM.
Offline