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**Black Book** · #10 01-12-2013, 10:59 PM

"beautiful world void
travelling to her cold depths
to come as infant"

Overall, it's a decent piece. You could have upped the vocab a little and added a bit more imagery. But it's not too shabby.

**Black Book** · 01-12-2013, 10:59 PM

"beautiful world void
travelling to her cold depths
to come as infant"

Overall, it's a decent piece. You could have upped the vocab a little and added a bit more imagery. But it's not too shabby.

01-12-2013, 10:59 PM	#10
Black Book <GrandScheme Shogunate> Ranked Text Record 145 Won / 55 Lost Exclusive Text Record 6 Won / 3 Lost Join Date: Oct 2010 Voted: 0 audio / 529 text Posts: 5,426 Mentioned: 963 Post(s) Tagged: 33 Thread(s)	"beautiful world void travelling to her cold depths to come as infant" Overall, it's a decent piece. You could have upped the vocab a little and added a bit more imagery. But it's not too shabby. __________________
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