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**J u s T C** · #4 11-02-2012, 10:46 PM

Well this

"but that 'Kid is Foul' which Ill put 'bats to this Fool' which this"

First off "WHICH ILL put bats to.." in the context of the previous line makes no sense. Plus I'm not sure if you meant WHICH'll or WHICH I'LL. simple grammatical laziness . But either way it doesn't work and It doesn't need to be there because it breaks up the flow of the read since grammatically, it's gibberish. Plus using the words WHICH ILL then a couple words down the line saying WHICH IS completely throws it off. It's not natural as a sentence. It's awkward. Work on making your wording more natural. I was reading some of that verse thinking English wasn't your first language.

**J u s T C** · 11-02-2012, 10:46 PM

Well this

"but that 'Kid is Foul' which Ill put 'bats to this Fool' which this"

First off "WHICH ILL put bats to.." in the context of the previous line makes no sense. Plus I'm not sure if you meant WHICH'll or WHICH I'LL. simple grammatical laziness . But either way it doesn't work and It doesn't need to be there because it breaks up the flow of the read since grammatically, it's gibberish. Plus using the words WHICH ILL then a couple words down the line saying WHICH IS completely throws it off. It's not natural as a sentence. It's awkward. Work on making your wording more natural. I was reading some of that verse thinking English wasn't your first language.

11-02-2012, 10:46 PM	#4
J u s T C <Pot Noodle> Ranked Text Record 4 Won / 0 Lost Join Date: Jul 2012 Voted: 46 audio / 30 text Posts: 6,812 Mentioned: 1535 Post(s) Tagged: 21 Thread(s)	Well this "but that 'Kid is Foul' which Ill put 'bats to this Fool' which this" First off "WHICH ILL put bats to.." in the context of the previous line makes no sense. Plus I'm not sure if you meant WHICH'll or WHICH I'LL. simple grammatical laziness . But either way it doesn't work and It doesn't need to be there because it breaks up the flow of the read since grammatically, it's gibberish. Plus using the words WHICH ILL then a couple words down the line saying WHICH IS completely throws it off. It's not natural as a sentence. It's awkward. Work on making your wording more natural. I was reading some of that verse thinking English wasn't your first language.
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