Quote:
Originally Posted by NelSyn
If you were to ask a couple months ago on how I'm doing...I would tell you about the dreams that I'm pursuing...the lifestyle that I'm viewing, & mention a lot of the girl that I was screwing...And it really sounded like I got my life on track, even though I didn't bother to write some raps, shit was fine, I didn't have to Fight & Smack, every bitch in the motherfucking Sight I had...Then, the bitch just Flipped the Script, started sleeping around, turned herself into a Hypocrite, now all she does is Grip the Dick, of random motherfuckers, can you see my dissidence? My negativity, when I tell you that I'm sick & you pretend to give a shit, do you realize why I'm pissed, bitch, I'll make you a shit a brick...Your friends, would always say that I'm a Waste of Time, that in 5 years they could see me about to Taste the Nine, but I turned it around, no longer have a Taste for Crime. You stuck w/ me, even with my Hated mind. Through all the drama & the stress, & now you wanna walk around saying I'm not Blessed? I should've been dead, from the Trauma, Yes. So instead of talking shit just let my Commas Rest...
FeeedBackkk please.
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Ok, you began with some real life stuff. It's easy to relate too, but it's been done before. Dreams, girl, yada yada yada. You know? It flowed well and stuff but nothing too fresh. Next, the topic is starting to form. We begin to see it's about a girl. A lot of stuff has been written about women cheating but if performed well, it can be dope... We'll see how it goes... Ehh. Just average. The threatening and stuff is just nothing spectacular. It's been done before, you know? The flow is nice though. The rest of it is just alright too. Nothing great. The ending was lacking... No real story took form. It wasn't a satisfying ending.
Overall, the piece is just average. The topic wasn't too fresh or unique, but you did ok with it. The flow was the best part of it. The rhyme scheme was nice too. There just wasn't that much story to it and didn't come to a good closure. On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd give it a 7. Hope I helped some...