[SiiLK]

Originally Posted by Hallucination

What 'bout a Dream, I'm Broke, I'm Like a 'Poor Baker' An i Knead/Need The Dough (?) So next Move is, i'm Pulling Up to the Bank, And I Didn't think of the Matter After, Just Jumped Out, Ran in w/ my Balaclava,
Pulled out my Niine and Jumped the Counter,Put the Gun To a Hostage, Yelled "Give me your Fucking Money"Or i'll Pump Clip's, Down Her,
But Louder, Still In the back of my Mind, i was Handling My Dues,
So Every Second, i was looking around, Scanning The Room,
Then A Guy Got wity, Stood up, an Tried to Back His Team, Naturally,
Thought I had a matter on my hands: till I pistol whipped him, an Cracked his teeth, *Gargling On blood* He Said " Why You Doing This, For Money or Fear" I Replied; "I Cant Keep Lieing too You's, Got my Kid Back home, Sick? An Dieing for Food, I'm After money for him, that's all im Trying to Do"
After the Money was Bagged, I was out The Door Ta Jump in my Ride w/ the Accelator, Down To Floor, Huh When i'm Short of Seconds, Compression lockup Round the Corner, I'll Steer Thru Era's, W/ the Fear in my Eyes And, Hearing these Sirens, an the lights in the Rearview mirror,
Thinking 3 more corners, It's amazing it's Near, then (bang, Smash) Bullet thru the window, Grazing my Ear, i'm Hallucinating in Tears,
2 More shots, then (Pop) My Tyre's.... Damned Fucked
I Got out w/ 4/Force Patrol's Yelling "Get them Higher... Hands Up"
Just Stood Their Quiet, like this Is my Anwser,
W/ a Build up of "Rage an Sadness" knowing For my Kid, i "Failed" to get Rid Of His Cancer...

Flow/ Rhyme Scheme- 5/10
Vocab.- 6/10
Storytelling- 7/10
Poetic Techniques- 7/10
Emotion- 7/10
Ending- 10/10
Overall: 42/60

Originally Posted by trill_conceptz

Topics? sumthin ima DON WIT. Trill jus WAY TO HARD! like a CONVICT the way i BREAK THRU BARS..BOUGHT SHIT? snatch ya commisary and MAKE YOU STARVE cuz this 'hallucanations' now 'losin races' gainst TOM~RICH~JAKE~LOU~MARV!! {visiting time} when his DAUGHTER CUMS THE FAMILY SHOWS papers said he SLAUGHTERED ONE~ IT CANT BE SO cuz he TAUGHT HER RUN~CHANGE YA CLOTHES but she 'said ta Hall' who never 'read the law` next time dont use a WATER GUN AND PANTYHOES..{sentencing}imagination-he FAKES HIS NAME, dude jus a 'noisy neighbor' still he MAY COM'PLAIN, now only thinks of how to smuggle in a RAY'ZOR BLADE, and slit ya 'own rist' or be a 'known bitch' ta LAY FA PAY!! i jus use tools ta BANG AT LAMES..he tries ta 'hide wit his bitches' pickin trash and 'lyin in ditches only time he got (straight lines) and never BREAKS THA CHAINS!! FREEDOM IS A MEMEROY while gettin BEATIN LIKE A SYMPHONY-ull get TREATED LIKE MAH ENEMY, snitch again and be MEETIN LIFELISS INTITIES..start SPEAKIN QUIET IN YA SPEECH cuz every 'line that i adds' from a 'mind that is madd' and ima KEEP ON RIOTIN YA SEE!! im still here

Flow/ Rhyme Scheme- 6/10
Vocab.- 8/10
Storytelling- 8/10
Poetic Techniques- 8/10
Emotion- 6/10
Ending- 5/10
Overall: 41/60

Vote: Hall...

[SiiLK]

Originally Posted by Hallucination

What 'bout a Dream, I'm Broke, I'm Like a 'Poor Baker' An i Knead/Need The Dough (?) So next Move is, i'm Pulling Up to the Bank, And I Didn't think of the Matter After, Just Jumped Out, Ran in w/ my Balaclava,
Pulled out my Niine and Jumped the Counter,Put the Gun To a Hostage, Yelled "Give me your Fucking Money"Or i'll Pump Clip's, Down Her,
But Louder, Still In the back of my Mind, i was Handling My Dues,
So Every Second, i was looking around, Scanning The Room,
Then A Guy Got wity, Stood up, an Tried to Back His Team, Naturally,
Thought I had a matter on my hands: till I pistol whipped him, an Cracked his teeth, *Gargling On blood* He Said " Why You Doing This, For Money or Fear" I Replied; "I Cant Keep Lieing too You's, Got my Kid Back home, Sick? An Dieing for Food, I'm After money for him, that's all im Trying to Do"
After the Money was Bagged, I was out The Door Ta Jump in my Ride w/ the Accelator, Down To Floor, Huh When i'm Short of Seconds, Compression lockup Round the Corner, I'll Steer Thru Era's, W/ the Fear in my Eyes And, Hearing these Sirens, an the lights in the Rearview mirror,
Thinking 3 more corners, It's amazing it's Near, then (bang, Smash) Bullet thru the window, Grazing my Ear, i'm Hallucinating in Tears,
2 More shots, then (Pop) My Tyre's.... Damned Fucked
I Got out w/ 4/Force Patrol's Yelling "Get them Higher... Hands Up"
Just Stood Their Quiet, like this Is my Anwser,
W/ a Build up of "Rage an Sadness" knowing For my Kid, i "Failed" to get Rid Of His Cancer...

Flow/ Rhyme Scheme- 5/10
Vocab.- 6/10
Storytelling- 7/10
Poetic Techniques- 7/10
Emotion- 7/10
Ending- 10/10
Overall: 42/60

Originally Posted by trill_conceptz

Topics? sumthin ima DON WIT. Trill jus WAY TO HARD! like a CONVICT the way i BREAK THRU BARS..BOUGHT SHIT? snatch ya commisary and MAKE YOU STARVE cuz this 'hallucanations' now 'losin races' gainst TOM~RICH~JAKE~LOU~MARV!! {visiting time} when his DAUGHTER CUMS THE FAMILY SHOWS papers said he SLAUGHTERED ONE~ IT CANT BE SO cuz he TAUGHT HER RUN~CHANGE YA CLOTHES but she 'said ta Hall' who never 'read the law` next time dont use a WATER GUN AND PANTYHOES..{sentencing}imagination-he FAKES HIS NAME, dude jus a 'noisy neighbor' still he MAY COM'PLAIN, now only thinks of how to smuggle in a RAY'ZOR BLADE, and slit ya 'own rist' or be a 'known bitch' ta LAY FA PAY!! i jus use tools ta BANG AT LAMES..he tries ta 'hide wit his bitches' pickin trash and 'lyin in ditches only time he got (straight lines) and never BREAKS THA CHAINS!! FREEDOM IS A MEMEROY while gettin BEATIN LIKE A SYMPHONY-ull get TREATED LIKE MAH ENEMY, snitch again and be MEETIN LIFELISS INTITIES..start SPEAKIN QUIET IN YA SPEECH cuz every 'line that i adds' from a 'mind that is madd' and ima KEEP ON RIOTIN YA SEE!! im still here

Flow/ Rhyme Scheme- 6/10
Vocab.- 8/10
Storytelling- 8/10
Poetic Techniques- 8/10
Emotion- 6/10
Ending- 5/10
Overall: 41/60

Vote: Hall...