Quote:
Originally Posted by -COLD-
i've improved a bit. give me feed? VS IAF
psssh! ima "Run With Popped Pens" THROUGH-THESE WRITTENS so if "Im Am Legend" it dont matter if DOUCHE-BE SENDIN when i start "Hustlin Flow" which will "End With Locked Bars" without talkin bout MOVIE ENDINS! easy! this BATTLES ACED-IN when drop shit that'll have the GRAVEL SHAKIN! he dont have no Gats-in and he aint got no heat but this fool will be "Packin" when i "Send His Ass Flyin" like TRAVEL AGENTS! if you think you beast then i SLAUGHTER CRITTERS! ill take his Throat and wipe his "Pipes" when i exHAUST-THE PEALER and "Pull the Lead Out" after i "Fill Turd" with "Clean Flows" like Brita WATER FILTERS!
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stop trying so hard, its not rocket science...
your travel agents either needs to be shortened or you need to find somewhere to have a better inner rhyme scheme...
movie ending line is just eh,
your setups too generic, you've either got
filler rhyme, filler, rhyme, build up punch
or you've got rhyme, buiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllldddddd up, then punch
need to shorten it up some... hard hits that are quick and back to back... what you should really work on is the rhyme scheme shit... get someone to pick a rhyme scheme for you, some of the best verses i've written came from this rhyme scheme tourny and i think i'm going to keep doing it...
so practice with that, not switching up so much, keep your rhyme scheme because that'll make your punches more back to back..
when you switch rhyme schemes there multiple things taking up space
from the transition rhyme, to the filler rhyme, to the build up then the punch is too long, and you'll find alot of times that you can make your concepts fit together witht the same rhyme scheme it just takes a little more thought process...