[Shodan]

My favorite part about this battle isn't an excerpt from or trait of either verse, or even either verse in its entirety. My favorite part about this battle is the presumably unintentional thematic counterpoint created by the juxtaposition of conflicting outcomes arising from a somewhat similar situation. The first verse is about someone committing suicide, which generally occurs during a state of extreme despair and hopelessness about the future. The second verse is about someone escaping a seemingly hopeless situation. The resulting aesthetic is undoubtedly fodder for a motivational poster in a therapist's office.


Now, for the actual expo:

Writer 14: Personal investment aside, there is a certain wisdom in relating content to a recent tragedy in your social circle. Guilting people against voting for your opponent is a well-known and often effective tactic, as one can observe in the attack ads omnipresent in every major election.

The rhyming, wording, and execution weren't stellar but they weren't bad enough to make for a frustrating read either. One question: I counted 19 lines in the main section, which is just below the length limit. Are you counting the opening and ending lines towards that, thereby resulting in a 21-line verse?

I think the most interesting aspect of your verse was its metaphorical presentation of severe depression as an unstoppable monstrosity from which one can only flee to the safety provided by others. I would not be surprised if many people suffering from major depression identified with that idea.

Overall, this verse presented an excellent, if perhaps obvious, take on the topic, though it could certainly have used some technical polishing. 8 out of 10.


Writer 16: At 31 lines, this verse was slightly over the length limit, so I can't help but dock you for that. Still, I also can't fault you for wanting to present a meaty verse, and yours certainly had more raw content than your opponent's.

The most obvious flaw in this verse was the sheer amount of forced multis. Many of them were awkward or clearly written just to hold the scheme, e.g., "smacked the cervix," "heavy waves and raining." Some of them outright bordered on illiterate, e.g., "up till late" - I've never heard anybody describe a long night of partying as "staying up till late." "Stayed up late," yes, "stayed up until the late hours," maybe, but "stayed up till late?" No.

Your story was pretty much a straight-up literal interpretation of the topic. I'm not saying that that's inherently bad, but verses with an obvious take on the topic have to attain higher writing standards to maintain my interest, and yours didn't.

This verse wasn't bad, but it was way too flawed to win. 6 out of 10.

My Vote Goes To: Writer 14

[Shodan]

My favorite part about this battle isn't an excerpt from or trait of either verse, or even either verse in its entirety. My favorite part about this battle is the presumably unintentional thematic counterpoint created by the juxtaposition of conflicting outcomes arising from a somewhat similar situation. The first verse is about someone committing suicide, which generally occurs during a state of extreme despair and hopelessness about the future. The second verse is about someone escaping a seemingly hopeless situation. The resulting aesthetic is undoubtedly fodder for a motivational poster in a therapist's office.


Now, for the actual expo:

Writer 14: Personal investment aside, there is a certain wisdom in relating content to a recent tragedy in your social circle. Guilting people against voting for your opponent is a well-known and often effective tactic, as one can observe in the attack ads omnipresent in every major election.

The rhyming, wording, and execution weren't stellar but they weren't bad enough to make for a frustrating read either. One question: I counted 19 lines in the main section, which is just below the length limit. Are you counting the opening and ending lines towards that, thereby resulting in a 21-line verse?

I think the most interesting aspect of your verse was its metaphorical presentation of severe depression as an unstoppable monstrosity from which one can only flee to the safety provided by others. I would not be surprised if many people suffering from major depression identified with that idea.

Overall, this verse presented an excellent, if perhaps obvious, take on the topic, though it could certainly have used some technical polishing. 8 out of 10.


Writer 16: At 31 lines, this verse was slightly over the length limit, so I can't help but dock you for that. Still, I also can't fault you for wanting to present a meaty verse, and yours certainly had more raw content than your opponent's.

The most obvious flaw in this verse was the sheer amount of forced multis. Many of them were awkward or clearly written just to hold the scheme, e.g., "smacked the cervix," "heavy waves and raining." Some of them outright bordered on illiterate, e.g., "up till late" - I've never heard anybody describe a long night of partying as "staying up till late." "Stayed up late," yes, "stayed up until the late hours," maybe, but "stayed up till late?" No.

Your story was pretty much a straight-up literal interpretation of the topic. I'm not saying that that's inherently bad, but verses with an obvious take on the topic have to attain higher writing standards to maintain my interest, and yours didn't.

This verse wasn't bad, but it was way too flawed to win. 6 out of 10.

My Vote Goes To: Writer 14