Quote:
Originally Posted by The EtHer
1. I can't rhyme Largest and Dollar in any aspect what so ever. It's not even close. Menu and Venue is fine.
2. Capitalization on LB is a signal for rhyming. The reason this is done because we write in a literal box, with no clear end of lines. So we have always capped the rhymes so people will be able to pick up on the rhyme scheme they would typically expect at the end of a line. The only reason we cap things in there is for the purpose of rhyming. If something is capped that isn't a rhyme, we're conditioned to hit those words hard as though they are rhymes. When they aren't connected to anything, and you're hitting them hard, that will make the flow choppy.
3. Mac is short for macaroni, which isn't noodles, for the record. Cheese also doesn't mean smile. "Cheeser" would be the word you'd look for. You would never know what I meant if I said someone was "cheesing at me" or "this guy cheesed on the street". You'd think it's got something to do with a penis most likely. Also, predicting your retort, the reason people say cheese in photographs isn't because that means smile, it's because the facial expression when saying the word replications that of a smile. Cheese doesn't mean smile. Also, not having teeth doesn't mean you can't smile.
4. You are trying to "change the structure" but are getting pissed off if someone says they hate it. If I said I loved your structure, you'd be delighted. You can't get pissed off about this because you are actively trying to change it. You have to accept that you might not be changing it to something better, in the case of this verse....it's much MUCH worse.
5. "He claims he's a god" isn't a punchline. That's like me saying "This guy thinks he's dope but his name is Milk". Yes, he DOES claim he's a god....what about it? You going to insult him over it or just inform us of what his username is?
6. You said nothing about the distance in which the apple drops. You said you were going to watch where the apple drops....what if it drops close? Is he then a genius? You never said any of that. Also, sure, Apple make Macs...so what? You just added the word apple in and assume that somehow makes it a punch? If you said "He doesn't have jobs" does that now mean it's a punch relating to Steve Jobs? You actually have to relate Apple and Mac to something for it to be relevant.
Milk, just consider the situation here. You ASKED me to check your battle. I have absolutely no reason what so ever to have bias towards either writer. Most of the site that would remember would consider me to be one of the better voters around here. So when you consider these things...don't you think that YOU could be the one being biased towards your own verse?
You're here "explaining" the punches. You know why you're explaining them? They weren't clear what so ever. That's your fault. If you write stuff that the readers don't get, you can't blame them. You have to look at your verse and realize that it's too convoluted and as a result, you're fucking up everything you're trying to do.
Your flow was bad. Your rhyming was basic. You tried 500 things with each punch but didn't deliver 1 of those 500 things well. You're trying to create a new format of writing which isn't working out what so ever. You don't realize WHY people might format their verse a specific way to begin with. And essentially, this entire thread proves that until you assess your rhymes critically from an outside perspective you'll never improve. You're going to keep blaming the voters every time and act like it's their fault if your verse isn't connecting with them (see Lizman for more details). It's YOUR fault that I never felt your punches, or that your flow put me off, or that I didn't connect one or two things together. YOU. You're trying to get me to vote for you in this battle, so you have to cater to the voters or be prepared to lose.
Sometimes when I wrote topicals, I'd write insanely hidden messages and have the entire piece working two ways that next to no one would pick up on. I can't then bring this into a contest and be pissed off that they didn't get my second meaning. If you want to do shit like that, go and make a cypher. In a battle, you have to write dope punches that the readers are going to connect with along a solid flow. That's it. Until you are able to do that, keep your moaning threads to a minimum and realize that it's not our fault that you're inferior.
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Ohhhh and now the fucking dingus.
1) Okay fucking fine. Largest and Dollar don't fucking rhyme okay but the 'Lars' man. The LARS. It's kinda cool and the Menu and Venue are the important part. You knit picky fuck. I guess, in that sense it's a one word rhyme too but still
I knew you'd be the no-life chubucket that would list out your replies to my shit. Told you we're compatible, I just get laid more.
2) Suck my dick, ill cap my rhymes for now on probably. Uncondition your bias you potato.
3) Fucking cheese means smile. What country are you from? It's literally used as cheesing, cheesed, and teeth dude figuratively speaking means smile you asshat. Throw me a fucking bone you literal dick sucker.
4) Are you tired of the name calling? You're an alright guy just so you know. Anyways, I can't argue this point bc you're right. I'm just saying my taste is superior to yours. Honestly, you like the WWE. Wtf..
5) "This guy thinks he's dope but his name is Milk". Dope has nothing to do with Milk. Seriously what fucking country are you from that you use milk to get high? Godd has something to do with a narcissistic complex (i.e. Kanye West). And it's a nameplay battle asshat. Sorry we couldn't disclose it due to a new line of code. I'll gladly remind you of the name I'm trying to slander.
6) You're kinda right. But references like apple should still earn me brownie points. Also, what country are you from where trees are that short? Seriously, dude. Don't make me ask again about your geographical location. I'm already too curious as to why you're a smart idiot.
Paragraph 1: I am without a doubt bias toward my own verse. Why do you think I wrote it? Bc it's good, duh. @
macc's a doofus. You're just a WWE who likes men and probably communism, like the Stalin kind I think.
Paragraph 2: I'm sorry I'm smarter than you.
Paragraph 3: Woah fuck, rip the fucking bandaid off why don't you. Thanks, I still appreciate the flow I interpreted. And just to get it out of the way, I honestly wasn't trying to get you to vote for me. I was genuinely curious and actually 10% expected this outcome. YOU'RE BASIC you fucking nazi. Hitler wouldn't even like you you fucking canon ball go back to the 17th century where you and your prose belong.
I'm not blaming the voter... I am blaming the voter. Still not my fault you're dumb and I'm salty. The second part is but I think it balances out by the limited capacity of care I don't seem to not actually oppose to give to this site. If you know what I mean. I hope that means something along the lines as I don't care. LETS BEEF . COM (not calm). Come at me mother fucker. You'll probably trip.
Paragraph 4: Don't call me inferior you potato. I don't probably plan on posting another thread of this length. I read that back an hour or so afterwards and actually got bored. I'm surprise it got any readers outside you and cel lol. S/O to ILLo again for that two cents (you suck). And cyphers are better anyways. Send me 8 you fucking FAGGOT. Lol (srly I hope I don't hurt you feelings, you're cool).
Anyways, dead pool is a good movie. I recommend. The new Crouching Tiger, eh. It's good if you're baked enough.
